matt said:

You draw the line at what you can handle sent back at you.
If you talk bout your favorite sports team, you may get flack. If you talk about a health issue you have, you may get flack. If you talk about a sexual escapade you had, you may get flack. Put out what you want, just be able to deal with not so pleasant responces. I don't put anything up there i can't deal with.

matt said:

Oh, bloody hell. You know it wasn't as simple as that. You're not that naive.

matt said:

Your analogy is totally missing the point Matt. I find your comment narrow minded and judgemental. The point of my post was that don't put your personal life out there for public scrutiny and then not expect to get any criticism. You stated that one of the reasons Melissa left is due to the fact that your thread was nominated for a most embarassing poll did you not? that happened precisely because you felt the need to share your relationship.

Spare me the analogies you don't have a clue.

Supernova said:

That too There was a ton of other issues going on with that. :LOL:

Everybodys always annoucing stuff... In love, leaving out of here, new songs at NPGMC, NPG Tourdates, I got a pizza in the oven. When will it all end? Damn Free flow information...
and freedom of expression and to think this site is free...

Don't sweat the small shit. And trust me, the .org is "the small shit". Enjoy the time you have with your significant other regardless of how or where that time is spent. And don't give a shit about what a bunch of computer chair warriors have to say about it.


Sorry to see another one go. Enjoy your future together.

Supernova said:

No, it wasn't. Despite jessyMD32781's implication that we would have gotten the same reactions if we were monogamous, I firmly believe that the issue of polyamory is what caused such a stir.

Both of us were married when we posted that thread, and our marriages were public knowledge on the .org. IMHO it was far better to explain the poly aspect of the relationship than have people assume that we were cheating on our spouses. (Yes, polyamory and cheating are two very different things.)

Moreover, I see no reason to be ashamed of being poly or hide it. I'm disappointed at the bigotry of those who insist that we remain in the closet in exchange for being tolerated.

matt said:

I'm not sure, but i know it didn't help. Step out the box and prepare to be a target, whether you are right or wrong.

Sniff Sniff. I smell a thread lock coming!!!

matt said:

I think we all have the option to divulge everything or nothing about ourselves, or something in between. I could talk about my relationships on here, but I choose not to because I really don't need everyone's input on my own particular romantic misadventures. But hey - results may vary. Maybe there are other topics on which I am very open and vocal, which others wouldn't dare talk about.

As an openly gay man, I've had to justify my existence over and over and over again, for what's going on two decades. As a vegetarian, I've had to justify to people why I don't eat certain foods over and over and over and over again. I don't wear these aspects of myself on my sleeve - they're as much a part of me as my hair color or my eye color or my age or my last name - but because they're "different" I'm called to question, repeatedly.

And you know what? It's worth it. The parts of my identity that feel natural to me, that feel like "THIS IS WHO I AM", are worth all the razzing, all the jokes, all the questions, all the unwelcome pontificating, all the whatevers that come with the public at large scrutinizing who I am, whether they "get it" or not.

So while yeah, the outside world could be more sensitive and inclusive, I could also be wealthy and dating Ewan McGregor and have my own personal private leer jet. A lot of things COULD be.

Then there's how things ARE.

People who go against the grain of society, no matter how ideally peaceable their existence may be, will always be called to the matt (no pun intended) - that's just how it is. Maybe you have the stuff to ignore the foolishness and go right on expressing yourself. Maybe you'll decide that your personal live doesn't need to be scrutinized and you'll keep some stuff private and personal. Maybe you'll decide being "different" isn't worth it at all, and you'll set about finding a way to "fit in" with what's considered "normal". I dunno. Everyone's different.

The world isn't gonna change per our individual specifications. It's all about bending with the wind. It's up to you.

matt said:

Why do you equate being ashamed about it with not screaming from the Org's rooftops to inform everybody who reads the site? There are other couples on the Org who haven't felt the need to tell this site's inhabitants the ins/outs/what'swhat of what's going on between them because they know what type of fallout they'd get. If you're going to make a big production out of WHATEVER your relationship is, you have to be ready to take the criticism about announcing it. You mean to tell me that you guys could take all those responses in that infamous thread, but yet the second it's nominated as "most embarrassing thread" it hurts you?

Lleena said:

The analogy is on-point. Some people assert that being gay is part of one's "private life," yet heterosexuals are not held to that standard. Likewise, you seem to imply that the poly aspect of our relationship (as you said, "an unorthodox relationship") falls within our private lives, but who would expect a monogamous couple to keep quiet about their monogamy?

Sure, if you post something, people are probably going to respond, and we knew that. In fact, one of reasons for doing it was that we thought we'd enjoy the responses. But it's perfectly reasonable for Melissa to be upset about being held to a double standard.

funkbible said:

When i see that avatar i think the same thing :LOL:
Then i remember...He's been defeated already :LOL:

Supernova said:

Melissa has indicated that while the "Statement of Love" responses didn't bother her at the time, she does now feel hurt by some of them.

Is she overreacting? Possibly yes. But to borrow a thought from IAmTheTouch, regardless of how she should feel, she does feel hurt right now. That's a fact, Jack.

Your analogy of polygamist = gay is built on a foundation of toothpicks, in my opinion. I can see where you're going with it, and I'm not going to say it's an altogether invalid analogy...but look at it this way:

You can be gay, and that's one thing.

You can be gay and very conservative, which is not as rare as you may think, and that's one thing.

You can be gay and part of the fetish community, or the bear community, or the leather community, etc., and that's another thing altogether. These are all subsets of the LGBT community that have very proud groups of people who discuss their interests openly and without embarrassment, but being gay does not necessarily mean being into leather or being into sex parties or being into a certain "type" of person of a particular gender.

For me, when someone knows I'm gay, they know my sexual/romantic preference. Period. That's all it should mean. And I'm cool with defending that generic identifier, I'm cool with explaining it, and I'm not threatened by what people read into it that isn't the truth. Why would I be?

Polyamory speaks to something a little more specific. That's NOT a value judgment. It's just how it is. It's also a relatively "new" concept in mainstream society. I mean, please - look at how our president is treating gay marriage. You think we as a society are ready to embrace polyamorous relationships? That may suck, but that's how it is.

And that's why, if you REALLY believe in your lifestyle, you need to acknowledge and "own" the perceptions people have of it, so you can fight those perceptions, protect yourself from them, or decide if the lifestyle is even worth the fight to you.

And, you know, maybe that is where polyamory and being gay are indeed similar - both ways, you have a bit of a struggle on your hands.

matt said:

Posting one's own kryptonite can be hazarous.

matt said:

It may come as a surprise to you but some people DO keep quiet about their personal relationships. This has absolutely nothing to do with what is acceptable by society. Frankly i couldn't give a toss about what is expected of me. ( If i want to go out and bang a huge stuffed fluffy bunny. I will). The point is that your relationship was put out there and now you are upset that it was demeaned by being nominated. I find this Ironic. It shouldn't have been nominated as that was hurtful to the both of you, but it was nominated because you decided to let the public judge you.

I'm sorry Melissa is hurt, like I said previously, I hope she has some fond memories of this place too.

Lleena said:

Clarification: I am not upset about the nomination. I was actually rather amused. But Melissa is upset.

matt said:

Then have her read this thread and see if she understands.

Matt, i have not had any contact with you ever since i have been on the Org but all i wanted to say is that you need to do what you got to do and you do have the support of a lot of people in here.
i am in a similiar relationship with another orger and i want nothing but success for myself. good luck to you and melissa.

CtheUncanny said:

Um, C, that's more fuel for fire.

Supernova said:

OK, maybe not

Milty said:

Another polyamorous relationship?!

AnotherLoverToo said:

:LOL:

Swingers.com



End of discussion

funkbible said:

were you trying to be funny?

jessyMD32781 said:

Errr no I wasnt.


But this is!

I leave this place and after several hrs and someone else has ditched us!!

Okay, I'ma put my in and then leave it alone.

Bottom line: Another orger runs because of a few so-called "closed-minded" comments about business that shouldn't have been put out in the first place. It's not that I totally disagree with Matt and Melissa's decision to do "whatever", but I agree with C when he said personal business is personal business. C'mon, how many people here would stand out on a street and announce something like that? Seriously?

I'm sorry Melissa chose to go, cause she'll be missed for sure.

funkbible said:

Try again.