SYMPTOM
FAULT
ACTION

Symptom:Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.

Symptom:Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.

Symtom:Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Symtom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Symptom:Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender.

Symtom: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Action: Cover mouth.

Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Symptom: Beer is crystal-clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.

Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.

Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves.

Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Play air guitar.

I don't know... but I am having one right freakin now. *cheers* Brett!


[This message was edited Tue Dec 16 18:04:26 PST 2003 by Freespirit]

Freespirit said:

Cheers

Brent?

bkw said:

Pssst she's been

2the9s said:

I haven't even begun... , but here I go... (drinking alone)

Brett and 2the9s, my dad has this beer mug and on it, it says...

I have a few good reasons for drinking... and one has just entered my head.

If a man cannot drink when he is living... how the hell can he drink when he is dead. (common sense, I tell you)
[This message was edited Tue Dec 16 18:04:03 PST 2003 by Freespirit]

Freespirit said:

Freespirit's Dad.

Freespirit said:

I like that one!

(((Brett))) I apologize.

Symptom:Don't remember orgers name.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Just keep posting, he'll get over it.

Freesprits night

bkw said:

My doc said, I can only have one glass of beer a day.

althom said:

What the hell... (another one I'd say)

me...

sinisterpentatonic said:

Do you dip Oreos in there?

Supernova said:

WHAT A DORK! :GIGGLE:

sinisterpentatonic said:

Exactly.