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Beer drinking troubleshooting chart. SYMPTOM
FAULT ACTION Symptom:Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Improper bladder control. Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. fault: Glass empty. Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Fault: You have fallen over backward. Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar. Symptom:Mouth contains cigarette butts. Fault: You have fallen forward. Action: See above. Symtom:Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. Action: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. Symtom: Floor blurred. Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Floor moving. Fault: You are being carried out. Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. Symptom:Room seems unusually dark. Fault: Bar has closed. Action: Confirm home address with bartender. Symtom: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Action: Cover mouth. Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. Fault: You are dancing on the table. Action: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. Symptom: Beer is crystal-clear. Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. Action: Punch him. Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. Fault: You have been in a fight. Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party. Action: See if they have free beer. Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted. Fault: The beer is too weak. Action: Have more beer until your voice improves. Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song. Fault: Beer is just right. Action: Play air guitar. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
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I don't know... but I am having one right freakin now. *cheers* Brett!
[This message was edited Tue Dec 16 18:04:26 PST 2003 by Freespirit] | |
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Freespirit said: I don't know... but I am having one right freakin now. *cheers* Brent!
Cheers Brent? When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
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bkw said: Freespirit said: I don't know... but I am having one right freakin now. *cheers* Brent!
Cheers Brent? Pssst she's been | |
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2the9s said: bkw said: Freespirit said: I don't know... but I am having one right freakin now. *cheers* Brent!
Cheers Brent? Pssst she's been When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
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I haven't even begun... , but here I go... (drinking alone)
Brett and 2the9s, my dad has this beer mug and on it, it says... I have a few good reasons for drinking... and one has just entered my head. If a man cannot drink when he is living... how the hell can he drink when he is dead. (common sense, I tell you) [This message was edited Tue Dec 16 18:04:03 PST 2003 by Freespirit] | |
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Freespirit said: I haven't even begun... , but here I go... (drinking alone)
Brent and 2the9s, my dad has this beer mug and on it, it says... I have a few good reasons for drinking... and one has just entered my head. If a man cannot drink when he is living... how the hell can he drink when he is dead. (common sense, I tell you) Freespirit's Dad. | |
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Freespirit said: I haven't even begun... , but here I go... (drinking alone)
Brent and 2the9s, my dad has this beer mug and on it, it says... I have a few good reasons for drinking... and one has just entered my head. If a man cannot drink when he is living... how the hell can he drink when he is dead. (common sense, I tell you) I like that one! When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
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(((Brett))) I apologize. | |
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Symptom:Don't remember orgers name.
Fault: Beer is just right. Action: Just keep posting, he'll get over it. Freesprits night | |
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bkw said: Freespirit said: I don't know... but I am having one right freakin now. *cheers* Brent!
Cheers Brent? This post not for the wimp contingent. All whiny wusses avert your eyes. | |
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My doc said, I can only have one glass of beer a day.
| |
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althom said: Symptom:Don't remember orgers name.
Fault: Beer is just right. Action: Just keep posting, he'll get over it. Freesprits night What the hell... (another one I'd say) me... | |
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cheers!! | |
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sinisterpentatonic said: My doc said, I can only have one glass of beer a day.
Do you dip Oreos in there? This post not for the wimp contingent. All whiny wusses avert your eyes. | |
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Supernova said: sinisterpentatonic said: My doc said, I can only have one glass of beer a day.
Do you dip Oreos in there? WHAT A DORK! :GIGGLE: | |
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sinisterpentatonic said: Supernova said: sinisterpentatonic said: My doc said, I can only have one glass of beer a day.
Do you dip Oreos in there? WHAT A DORK! :GIGGLE: Exactly. This post not for the wimp contingent. All whiny wusses avert your eyes. | |
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