So the night started off pretty well when I got mixed up
in a rather bizarre threesome. It worked out quite well,
altho I did feel like I was gonna black out there for a
minute.

Took a quick shower and hit the road again. Found some of
my friends in a bar, bitchin' and throwing beer down their
gobs faster than anyone could dare to clock it.

Two hours later I crammed the drunken choir into my car
and set off for another club.

Inside I was shocked by the fact that the wardrobe dude
tried to grope me, insistant bugger even followed me to
the floor and then onto the toilet where he jammed his
foot in the door to keep me from locking it.

I had to scream "fuck off you sick bastard" so hard in
the end that people heard it three blocks down methinks.

Then my drunk ex stumbled over to me, hung himself round
my shoulder and kept yapping to me with his stinking gob
about half an inch from my face. I saw visions of cats
in alleys, fishing for crap in dustbins. The smell was so
rank I nearly regurgitated my dinner.

Managed to shake him off for a minute and bumped into
the most shockingly beautiful man I'd ever seen in my
life. Chatted him up for over half an hour and we hit
it off right away. Bought him some drinks, felt him up
a bit and decided to go for the finish when...

Dude tells me he's interested, but ehm, he can only go
home with me if his boyfriend can come along. Now, let
me tell you, this boyfriend was a 4ft9 200pound 65 year
old, Liberace/Sea elephant beached up at the bar. So I
was like "right, this is a joke, right?" No, he assured
me, it wasn't a joke. And uhm, his man would like to
have a poke at me for sure...

At which I felt some stomach acid rise up my throat
and start gnawing away at my backteeth.

Went to the toilet to throw some cold water into my face
again only to be attacked/assaulted again by the fucking
bastard wardrobe puss with his sticky fingers.

I had to give him a bit of a slap in the end, which I
quite enjoyed



Hitting the floor again, I saw one of my friends lying
beside the bar, half-upright, half out of this world,
so I hoisted him up, dragged him over to the exit, payed
his bill, put him in my car and dropped him off at his
parent's.

But not before he managed to throw up in my car God,
the smell was awful. So I kind of mopped it up and out
as good and bad as possible, opened up a window and
decided to give the car a bit of an airing before going
home. So I went back to the club.

Boy, was that a mistake. My friends were about two
straws short of a haystack by that time so I was left
to fend for my own amusement. Well, ammusement lol, it
was more a grotesque cabaret fridaynight.

Walked a few rounds about the place and ran into this
deranged dragqueen who persisted he/she wanted to have
my baby. I was like [in my best partyman voice] "baby
what you smokin' ?"

At this point it was 03:15 and I so desperately wanted
to get drunk that I decided to sleep over at a friend's
house in order to get drunk and not have to drive home.

So I worked my way through 10 vodka's in a row and had
a couple of beers to wash it down faster. Then some of
the old whiskey and then some more vodka.

Someone should have warned me, or perhaps I should have
just known better, but hey, it was a horrible night and
I needed a fix.

For some reason, this dude who owns the club always wants
to have a laugh and usually we piss off other people
together, but saturday he decided to make fun of me for
some reason and stopped the music for a minute, yelling
into a mike "we're gonna have a karaoke segment now and
[istenszek] is gonna sing us a nice song now, give him
a round of applause".

God, I felt like I was taking it right up the ass at
that moment. I could have burned the place down.

Instead, I grabbed the mike, heard the music start and
-to my utter horror- heard myself sing the first verse
of 'Borderline'

It was then that I decided I'd had enough and yelled
[regrettably into the mike]

"Oh f*ck this g*ddamn shit, I can't be bothered to join
in on this karaoke shit, I just had a crap shag with a
couple of no brain farmhands whom I might add did look
fucking fantastic, but whom came like 2 minutes into the
fuck and then insisted on coming again which took like
forever and all the time they were working away at me
until I was about to fucking throw up then I come here,
got an offer to be buggered by this old halfdead ox, was
proposed to spawn offspring with a transvestite, got puked
on and now you want me to sing you a fucking song? I'll
sing you a fucking song, you fuckers, trying to take the
fucking piss".


People first looked on in shock and then started laughing
at which I had to laugh too, in fact I couldn't stop
laughing anymore.

I woke up 2 hours later in a backroom of the bar, they'd
just closed the joint and the owner came to tell me we
had to go and if I was feeling a bit better.

Said I could come over to his place to 'freshen up', which
I did heheheh.



Stayed over at his house most of the day where we shagged
like a couple of demented rabbits on lsd. Then I went home
to change my gear and went out again for another nite.

I don't go out often, but when I do, my god, I'm such a
little slut.

A slut with an enormous headache, that is.

And now I'm at work, been here since 07:30 and just about
waking up after 15 cups of coffee. My colleagues told me
I look like shit today. I probably do.

IstenSzek said:

oh how i laughed

IstenSzek said:

I rented Beaches!

2the9s said:

did you have a good cry at the end?

I'm just a sucker for Duchovney look-a-likes. Can you blame
me for wanting to break off some of that?

great night -- u need to make that into a movie!

istenszek, if you are ever in the chicago area, we need to hit the city! i haven't met many people that can rival me to a nite a night out, lol.

imnotsayinthisjust2bnasty said:

Sounds like fun to me, we'd probably be and all nite,

and fun at all the silly little people. We'd probably

end up some 's arse in the towncentre where a

gathering crowd of people would castide us with and

next thing you know we'll find ourselves waking up in the cold

morning light, strapped tightly to a dressed up as with

the surrounding air will smell faintly of , &

probably some old heffa walking home from the grocery store

with her smelly will at us

and whip out her to call the

IstenSzek said:

other than the cow part, and substitute batman with robin...i was thinking the same thing!

fantastic post!

i laughed out loud repeatedly... glad to see i am not the only self made columnist on the org



thank you for sharing!

oh my god that was the best post ive seen in a while