Dear (Your name here),

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to start this and I'm even wondering if there is a point to why I'm writing this. As I'm trying to figure out the point, I am also trying to figure out the point of a lot of things, like what was the point of some people walking in and out of my life? I've realized the purpose that most people have fulfilled in my life, why they were a part of it and for what reason. The one thing I haven't figured out is why you were a part of my life. What point did the last 3 1/2 years have? What did I learn?. Well, I've learned that not everyone has a kind heart, is honest, and cares for another's feelings. I'm not by any means naive, but I have always believed a person gets what they give. If you give love, you'll get love back. I want to know the reason for everything knowing full well I won't know the reason for life or death or any major thing like that. I do want and deserve a reason for things that happen in this tiny insignificant life of mine. I deserve to know why people treat me they way they do, which brings me to why I'm writing this letter.

Of Course, this isn't a two-way conversation, but it gives me the opportunity to express how I feel in the order I feel it. For example, it has been emotionally draining and exhausting being your friend. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. I don't think you know how hard it is. I have tried to reach out to you. I have tried to extend myself. It feels, in retrospect, I have tried too much. I have been hurt by you. I have been the one doing mostly everything in trying to keep our friendship. I have, for the most part, been the initiator in finding things for us to do and definitely doing most of the calling. I actually cared about how you were doing. Not what you were doing, but how. I cared about how you were doing emotionally and what was going on in your life. Most friends are like this, but I'ved noticed, as time has gone by, you've cared less and less about how I was doing. A few people told me you were using and manipulating me for the moment, but I refused to believe it. I thought you really wanted to be a friend to me, not just me being your friend. It has been so hard being a friend to someone who shows me they really don't care if they speak to me or if I'm there for them. When I continously call someone who never calls me or try to make plans with someone I rarely see, it hurts my feelings. I get the message. Those actions alone send a message that says "Don't you get it? I want you out of my life." My mother once told me "Some people don't know how to be a friend to someone, but that's no reason not to be a friend to them." Well, I've tried and tried. I am not one to push myself on anybody or beg for a friendship. Nor am I the one to do everything while the other person does nothing. I can't handle it anymore. I don't deserve it. I don't think you know how much I care about you. If you were anyone else, I wouldn't have been your friend this long. I hung in there because I love you. That's the only reason, which leads to another thing

My love for you. My love for you is not some idle thing, definitely not a "whatever" thing, and not in the way of a friend or family member. It's different, it's unique, and it's mine. Everyone has there issues and flaws. I loved you for every one of your regardless of how I felt about them. I was in love with you and I'm non-apologetic about it. I was willing to give my body to you. Can you imagine how painful and irritating it is to still be involved, in some way, with the person who has rejected you? I felt igly and not good enough in your presence. I was bitter and angry that you weren't completely honest with me about this situation when I originally told you how I felt. Things would have been easier if our friendship was better. At least, I could deal better. Since it isn't, things have become worse. I don't believe in anything being left unsaid. It's rude and disrespectful. No one has the right to do that. So, I'm trying to say everything without making it too long. There's so much more to say. All I can say is I need closure. I need to know why things are the way they are. I need to know the bottom line. I cannot be discarded or walked on. These are my feelings, which are as valid as anyone else's. So, even if you don't need ot want to, a response would be appreciated

Love Always,
(The name of the person you rejected because you wanted to be friends only to be a shitty friend)


What would you do in response to this?

Aiii, Someone is mixing friendship and love into a huricain cocktail !!

Intentions are good, though I think he/she is also very much to blame.

Start with doing lots of drugs and then read it again. You will find the right answer

You lost me at hello...

I think that these two people have so much history, that it's impossible to "assign blame" to anyone based upon what's in this letter.

In the past, I've felt like both of these people--the letter writer AND the recipient--and have felt treated badly by friends/potential lovers, as well as been accused of doing such.

I think it would be a painful letter to write and to receive. I hope that both of these people sit down and have a looong, honest, long-overdue talk and I wish them eventual peace of mind and heart.

AnotherLoverToo said:

You lost me at 'I think...'

June7 said:

How about you go get (more) lost, Doofus-Boy!

AnotherLoverToo said:

You lost me at 'How about'...

I get spam mail like this all the time, mostly from my wife. Mailwasher works for me. If that were to fail, I've heard being friendly to people is worth a try.

.

langebleu said:

AnotherLoverToo said:

well put! sounds like communication broke down a long time ago between the two of you. your respective expectations seem to differ greatly, and the writer's attachment to those expectations is painfully obvious. you may have to put his/her need for closure before your apprehension about discussing this. he/she is at a very vulnerable place, and an open and considerate conversation will likely do both of you good.

It reminds me of the line, "just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you as much as they can."

I think a lot of people, if they fall in love with someone, believe that the other person has an obligation to feel the same way, or they at least have an expectation of how the other should respond. When that expectation isn't met, they resent the other person.

I don't think a long conversation is needed. I think, if what this person wrote is accurate, you simply need to say, "I'm sorry that I don't feel about you the same way you feel about me. And unfortunately, the intensity of your feelings makes our friendship (difficult/impossible). Perhaps the reason that I came into your life was to teach you that just because you are in love with someone, that person is not obligated to love you. Peace."

Jesus...this is eerie. In 96 I received a letter from like this...almost TO THE WORD.

madartista said:

I think this is a good idea if the recipient of the letter doesn't want to continue a friendship (no romance involved) with the person who wrote it. However, if they want to try to salvage the friendship aspect--the writer claims to have accepted the fact that the other person doesn't feel the same way--I really think they need to have the "long talk".

June7 said:

But Jerry had her at hello...he had her at hello

Damnit Jan! I told you not to share my letter to you with anyone else!


Seriously, the biggest problem here is that the writer is in love with the recipient. It's often hard to have a successful friendship when you care about someone who doesn't care about you the same way.

It also sounds to me like this person might not be an effective communicator as it seems this is probably the first time they broached the subject with such candor and depth.

If it were me, I'd say sorry that I hurt their feelings and that it isn't a good idea to be friends.

This sounds to me like someone who is real needy. It's a good thing my friends and I are comfortable in our relationships. We are all so busy that none of us ever think that there is a problem when we don't see each other for any extended period of time. And because we know this, it's easy to pick up just as if we've never been apart.

I hope that person finds the peace they so obviously need.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Right. I was operating on the idea that what the writer put down was accurate in his/her assessment that the receiver was blowing him/her off, which implied the lack of interest. If that's not accurate, a long talk could be needed. Personally, I think Madonna puts it best:

Walk away
Won't let it happen again
I'm not
I'm not very smart

Why should I feel sad
For what I never had
Nothing equals nothing

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

what he said.

I still think that it's impossible to really make some of the judgment calls here that we're making, based upon only this letter. There are always 2 sides, and most likely both people have some regrettable behaviors.

I'm gonna bow out now, because there's really not enough info or perspective for me to be able to say much. Like I said before, though--I hope both people can resolve the matter and find some peace, because obviously the pain expressed is real.

AnotherLoverToo said:

right, our input is only based on that letter, but that's what Janfriend asked us to comment on. And you got the bottom line right in the bold part up there. very true.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Well this is so true. It could be that the recipient is callous and disrespectful and it could be that the writer is a stalker and wouldn't be satisfied if they had the person bound and gagged for their pleasure in the basement...

madartista said:

Just a bit of history: The writer does not want more than a friendship from the recipient. During their friendship, the writer only mentioned being more than friends once and never mentioned it again. The writer never came on to the recipient in a sexual way either

Hi JanFriend

Also, some other facts

The recipient
Told the writer that they wanted have a child with them
Told the writer that they loved them more than "a friend"
Told the writer that they had a friend "for life"
Told the writer that there shouldn't be any boundaries in their friendship and they should just "Go with the flow"
Told the writer that they couldn't love the recipient more than the recipient loved them
Told the writer that the only reason they were not more was because their friendship meant so much more to them

The writer
Thought the recipient was more nervous about being more than friends than they were letting on
Had unconditional love for the recipient
Believed they would have a child with the recipient
Thought they would have a friend for life
Thought they were right for the recipient in terms of friendship and a possible relationship
Never came on sexually to the recipient
Thought the friendship could overcome anything

These two people also constantly flirted with each other. They weould hold hands in public and be affecionate. Everyone they knew thought they were a couple and niether one of them set the record straight to anyone about it.

I'll let you guys know what happened as a result of this letter tomorrow

Milty said:

Hi!

I would feel like shit if someone wrote me that

Wow Janfriend... in relation to this letter...

I feel/believe that life does not always grant us answers, so the best approach for the writer would be to give the letter to the recipient. Perhaps attempt to talk in person, within a moderate attempt (all things in life have a healthy time frame). If the recipient is not willing to give a full/truthful and compassionate explanation, the writer must move on, it's the most healthy decision to make I strongly believe. Time will bring forth answers, whether or not it came from the recipient directly, or from deep within self (personal awareness). Allowing our inner sense to bring forth clarity (I feel) has everything to do with that innerpeace we all wish to connect with. Time varies, even the possibility of ever getting to that point may or may not ever exist within our lifetime. True/pure innerpeace is a rare gift to obtain and live by, especially with societies negative influences. Nonethe less, issues can truly weigh our mind/soul and hearts down... but when we find the strength and realize our self worth, we are truly set free of all pain and doubts. Then and only then... will life be what we feel it should be and our world and perceptions are in an unaltered state. Living life truly can be a beautiful thing, no matter the realities that exist in our everyday life. Tending to what is important as well as healthy for our well-being is the most important direction in life we all should take, we can make that choice.

...
[This message was edited Fri Dec 5 21:19:09 PST 2003 by Freespirit]

Here's what happened:

The recipient decided to not respond to the letter writer. Although they did call the letter writer the day after receiving the letter, but the letter writer wasn't there and the recipient didn't leave a message. A whole year went by and in between that year, the writer sent the recipient a birthday card and holiday messages. So, the writer decided to write this after a year had pass:

Dear (Your name here),

Hello. I hope this letter finds you in good spirits. I didn’t get a response from the last letter I wrote you. I wanted to take this opportunity to say a few things. I did not mean anything malicious in the letter. On the contrary, I was hoping we could have some sort of dialog about the contents. I was simply one person, expressing how I felt about our friendship. In the past, you’ve said we were friends. Friends are supposed to communicate with each other, are they not? A simple letter would not have detoured that. I valued and treasured our friendship. I thought it was real on your part. I was deeply saddened and depressed that my friend wouldn’t want to speak to me. I went through a point of not wanting to live anymore. I re-evaluated myself and thought what did I do wrong. Perhaps, you were angry with me for some reason. I can’t think of a reason why you would be.

I want you to know that I am your friend. Regardless of how you feel, I will always be your friend. Once I make that decision, I do not break from it. I have a few wishes for you: I wish for you a great life, not good, but great. I wish for you a long life. I hope you live to be an old, old person. When you’re in your 70’s and 80’s I hope that you will remember me. If you don’t remember my name, please remember that I cared about you. Only God knows how much I care about you. I wish for you the love of your life, unconditionally. Listen to Edwin McCain’s “I’ll be.” You deserve “the greatest fan of your life,” and nothing less. We all want 3 basic things in life: Love, Security, and Acceptance. I wish you success in your career of choice. I believe in all of your talents. You will be successful in whatever you choose to do. I hope you never go through a moment of feeling unsafe or unsure in your environment. I wish you peace within your soul, contentment in what you have, and happiness with who you are. I wish you acceptance in who you will become and in the place that you belong. You have become a permanent fixture in my life. I could never forget you. I will tell my children and grandchildren about you. I will tell them how funny you are, how charismatic, how you could charm without trying, how people gravitated towards you, and how you seemed oblivious to it all. You seemed to not realize or understand the influence you had on people. It is important to know how you affect people. I learned a realistic and practical lesson from you. I walk with this lesson every day of my life.

We, as adults, make decisions in our lives. Some are terrible, some are right for the moment. I do not believe there is such a thing as a good decision overall. Someone’s “good” decision can be terrible for someone else. I do not believe in fate. Someone is always affected by another’s choice. Maintenance, of any kind, is very difficult, but necessary in life. We, as humans, tend to become so self-involved that we forget we are only one in a billion. We forget that we need other people to make our lives easier. We forget that they need us. We may not care to notice someone’s cry for help or for understanding. We may judge instead of listen. While it is important we take care of ourselves, it is always important we take care of each other.

Love Always,


...Now, what would you do if you got this letter? What does this letter mean? How is it different from thr first one?
[This message was edited Sun Dec 7 22:53:19 PST 2003 by Janfriend]

btw, I'm the 3rd party in this