today is a beautiful day (thanks to bratchildsfriend and tron)

no, not returning, but this touched me so much i had to break my silence and post something.

for the most part, i have given up on humanity. my doe-eyed and naive optimism that humankind is essentially very kind and compassionate has really started to dim in the last few years. everywhere i go i see a species with no compassion for one another, a culture obsessed with gleaming happiness from destroying the happiness of another. the world around me often feels like the mantra is "fuck them over before they can fuck you."

but there are bright shining moments of awe where my faith in the basic kindness of mankind is restored.

today is one of those.

imagine my suprise when i walk in to my office this morning to find that saturday a package arrived for me, and it is HUGE. the box is sitting in the middle of my office floor, about 2 and a half feet high, and almost 2 feet across. at first i am not sure what it is, and grab my letter opener, and start hacking through the intense tape sealing it shut. i pull open the flaps, and my nose is taken with the scents of my childhood in michigan. across the top of the package is a long stretch of shiny metallic blue wrapping paper, taped so that it obscures the contents of the package. on top of that is taped a note, on soft lavender paper, and a sprig of evergreen pine. the instructions say "close your eyes for a moment and inhale deeply."

i do.

it is like magic. in my mind i am trasported back to my childhood, in my favorite season: fall.i recall how we used to rake all the leaves from the trees into a big pile, and then play in them, throwing them in the air, at each other, rolling in them, running at them to kick them up into the air.

i pull the note from the paper, and read it.

i don't really want to share the contents of the note, as it is very personal, but rest assured it brought a happy tear to my eye.

bratschildfriend had told me whe was working with tron on a package to lift my spirits after i posted my bit of writing on my year anniversary of having gotten the news that i am now poisoned/poisonous. i thought "that's very sweet" assuming it would be a small package, just a few make me smile knick-knacks.

she had made the package intensely personal, choosing things she knew i would like.

a bottle of my favorite wine.

a book called "hope for the flowers" described by the author as "a tale partly about life, partly about revolution, and lots about hope for adults and others. a different sort of book for everyone, except those who have given ups completely (and even they might secretly enjoy it)"

a Bjork (my other obsession) mix cd with songs chosen for me in the spirit of the package.

all of the notes and wrpapings and decorations in purple and blue, my two favorite colors.

but best of all - leafs. tons of them. leafs from michigan, leafs from my childhood. maple, oak, elm, a pine cone.

these kinds of incredible sweetness are what keep me from giving up on mankind, from losing my hope.

thank you so much, nikki and nathan, you have touched my heart in so many ways.

now, back to my leafs...
[This message was edited Mon Nov 17 9:08:16 PST 2003 by cborgman]

That is very sweet! A package or any "snail mail" from a friend is so much fun. It's rare when people make the effort to do something like that, especially for someone who is far from them.

bratchildsfriend and tron!

"Close your eyes for a moment and inhale deeply."

Thanks for the tip. I'll send that note along with my future anthrax mailings.

On a serious note, it's great to see you, even if briefly, Chris. Do come back soon when you're ready, and in the meantime, let your heart be light... there are still so many points of happiness to enjoy!

cborgman said:

awright ya'll, let's try this once again...a bit of a reminder: if you can't say anything nice, keep your tongue bitten. i mean that.

How very thoughtful, and beautiful.

People like them are priceless..

Hats off to bratschildfriend, and tron...

oh that's lovely



tron is a great guy. i hear bratchildsfriend is nice too.

I must say that I am very touched by this gesture of love...

to bratchildsfriend and tron for putting it together and to Chris who so very much deserves it...

I almost started a "where is cborgman " thread this morning. Take it easy c. Whenever you don't feel good come laugh with us! You know I gotchya back!

Thank you Chris. It was so much fun to put this together for you and I knew you would understand the significance of the items enclosed ~ especially the leaves. It was great to see you here again ~ you are tremendously missed. N

WOW. That's fucking awesome. Very cool, Tron & Bratchild. Chris has told me how incredible he thinks u are.

Hope for the Flowers is a FANTASTIC book.

Tron seems a sweet guy, but I dont know him very well more's the pity (hint hint!)

Nikki...I just can't say enough good things about Nikki.
She is a shining light in a world full of dark alleys.

I am glad she managed 2 share some of her beauty and specialness with u in such a way. She has a magical gift 4 making people feel special. It just comes naturally 2 her.
She is indeed a truly wonderful person - just like u Chris
(even if ya did up and leave and not let me know Mr Man!) tsk*

Hope u are well - wherever u may be...
[This message was edited Mon Nov 17 12:33:13 PST 2003 by bananacologne]

madartista said:

Thank you Madartista. Hope For The Flowers is one of my all time favourite books. I love it's deceptively simple format and the huge impact it has on me and others I share it with. Isn't it great to see Chris here??? I know there is a special bond between you and him ~~~Oh YES~~~and HAPPY BIRTHDAY ~ have an outstanding day!!!

bananacologne said:

Aw 'nana ~ that is beautiful . It is easy to make people feel special when they are as great as you ~ . TRON is an amazing person and you really do need to get to know him better ~ his sense of humor is just about as wicked as yours so beware!!!

yes...beautiful day!!! a beautiful day indeed..

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Did I miss something? I don't see anything negative here.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it Chris, although I can't take much of the credit. We brainstormed on this, but this was mostly Nikki's doing. We kept meaning to get together to work on this, but our schedules were conflicting. All I can say is ENJOY! And keep your eye out for another package in the near future.

This was an awesome thing to do. Chris, don't ever give up. When all else fails, just know you have us.

That's such a nice story.

How Sweet

And Beautiful 4 U

Hi Chris

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

You tell 'em Dansa!

hey Cborg

Aww Chris you are such a wonderful person

chris,

Chris, first of all...I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

And second...TRON, you are one of the sweetest Orgers I've ever met on here (and Ive been here since 96). You're a STUD!

And bratchildsfriend...you rock as well (even though I don't know you).

Much love all around...

Lots of love to all of you.

I miss Chris.