Ok, most of you know what I do--I'm a social worker for a hospital's OB/GYN and Midwifery Clinic. We work together with nurses and a nutritionist, seeing (mostly) lower-income patients on Medicaid and helping sort out the various aspects of their lives.

One of the most unique things about my job is that the area I work in is home to one of the largest refugee populations in the country. My goodness, have I learned a thing or two about various cultures! Fascinating stuff, it satisfies the anthropologist in me. I have clients from Somalia, Ghana, Gambia, Sierra Leone, Afghanistan, Iraq, Cambodia, Vietnam, El Salvador, Columbia, Mexico, Samoa--to name just a few. And then of course, there are those clients born and raised here in this country. Let me tell you, everyday my reality is majorly checked, when I listen to these stories people tell me about how their lives used to be.

It's awfully hard to feel too sorry for yourself when you're speaking to someone who lived in a refugee camp for years and years, who witnessed members of their families die or have no idea if their parents or siblings are even alive. It's hard to feel too awfully depressed when you're talking to a woman about her female genital mutilation (female circumcision) that has left such a small vaginal opening that it is hard to urinate and menstruate, let alone no clitoris. It's easy to feel grateful for the life you lead here when you are speaking to someone who has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder so badly from being tortured by their government or hearing warplanes overhead, that they crawl under a table everytime they hear an airplane (and the sick thing is that they live close to the airport, because the rents are cheaper).
~~~
Ok, so this was part of my day the other day:

A new client comes in to meet with me. Caucasian, English speaking, from Portland but has moved here with her boyfriend to live with her mother and brother. She is obviously very nervous to meet me, she speaks very quickly and has a hard time meeting my eyes. We go to my office, and I introduce myself and tell her what I'm here to help her with, that I'm going to start out by asking her some questions so I can see how my resources can match up to her needs. Her hands are shaking and a paper rattles as I hand it to her, she blushes and apologizes and says she's a little nervous. I reassure her that it's okay, and that it's always hard meeting new people, and that I'm here to help. I smile warmly, crack a few jokes, try to give her some personal space to recover her composure--and I wonder why she's so nervous...

I begin the psycho-social screening, asking her questions about herself in as natural a way as possible, without sounding like I'm "reading". Here is her story:

About 28 yrs old, single, has been with boyfriend almost 4 yrs. She and her brother were sexually abused by her father, he left, and then a stepfather entered the picture and sexually abused them, too. Child Protective Services took the kids from the home and placed them in care, but my client ran away constantly. She became a prostitute, where she encountered such terrifying things that she has been diagnosed with Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as Bi-Polar Disorder. Her pimp got her pregnant and somehow he was arrested. Since she was under 18yrs, he was convicted of a sex crime and was on the sex offender's list when he got out of jail. She gave birth to the baby, and allowed pimp-daddy to live with them--however, it is illegal to let a sex offender live with a child. She wouldn't make him leave--so CPS took her 1st baby. She gave up the 2nd voluntarily. And the 3rd was also taken, I believe due to drug use.

Which takes me to that area of her life--she's an IV Methamphetamine user, off and on for many years now. She was clean for a year, but the medication she was put on for her mental health issues made her gain a lot of weight, so she decided she'd do some meth to get thin again. Well, she did--but she got addicted again, too. She was injecting meth up until she found out she was pregnant this time: at 14 weeks of pregnancy.

She's moved up here to Washington where her mother and brother are living--which is another story. Remember, brother was also sexually abused by their father (possibly by the stepfather as well). Apparently, the abuse was so bad that he is now physically and mentally disabled--he's 25 yrs old and still has to wear an adult diaper (bowels damaged by good ole Dad), has anger/temper tantrums, cuts himself, doesn't bathe or groom himself, and is addicted to the computer and drinking Coke. He collects SSI.

This is the kind of situation that is heartbreaking, and I ask myself, "How can I help? Please lead me in the right direction here, because there's so much to do!"

So, that was one client. The next (much shorter):

Pregnant woman from Afghanistan, in U.S. for only 7 months, her husband has been here a few years, waiting for his wife and their 3 children to come over. She is dressed in a long flowing gown (customary for our Muslim women), her hair is covered as well, but her face is uncovered.

She and her husband giggle when I ask them how old she is. I don't quite understand their laughter, I figure it's an "inside joke". Later, I review some notes that tell me that neither she nor her husband quite know how old she is--perhaps 33, 34 yrs old? Apparently, they don't keep track of time that way, they don't count years and birthdays...she picked a random date, making her 28 yrs old. The scary thing is that, regardless of whether she's closer to 28 or 34--she looks my mother's age (her mid 50s). The sun and a hard life in the desert ages a face, I believe.

Something that made me smile, and I had to work hard not to laugh or look too closely--sometimes a pregnant woman's skin itches like crazy, and my Afghani client started to itch herself, to unselfconsciously take her feet out from her sandals and pull up her skirts and start scratching, scratching, scratching her feet, ankles and calves while she spoke to me! It was such a humorous, touching gesture--and it drove home to me how ODD we Americans must seem to them, to be so obsessed with age (we ask for a date of birth for identity, for so much!) and to be asking questions about upbringing, etc. from such a Western perspective...

Anyway, I don't know why I wanted to write/share this. This isn't the best time of night to be posting things for people to see. And most people are probably gonna look at this and go, "man, what's this self-important bitch talking about now, why can't she just say something short and funny?" And that's cool. I just am amazed by my job so often, and I don't always get a chance to share the flavor of my work with you all. This day, I saw 5 people--and 2 of them really stood out. My clilents are SUCH amazing people, they surprise and delight and horrify and emotionally touch me constantly. I am blessed that way. But, yes, it's hard and it feels like a lot of responsibility. So much diversity, so much to learn!

"Everyday another miracle"

--Carrie

for the 1st client...*sigh*

for the 2nd...


Both are amazing stories...I, for one, am glad you took the time to write/share them. ...That first one...damn.

Within my job, I don't come across the struggles/beauty of people too often...perhaps a small incident at best, such as a little girl (maybe 5) on her small bike and wearing her oversized helmet, just lightly touching the front tire of her bicycle into my foot over and over again, wanting to get my attention while her father positions his SUV for me...lol...The "hardships" and beauty of life I encounter are usually within nature and the surroundings I find myself driving thru while on my way from one photo shoot to another. I try to capture them, and then share them in such a way as to invoke what it is I personally experienced at the time...much like you just did with your two extraordinary stories.

I envy you in one way & I don't in another,I Love 2 hear about other cultures & how they live.I don't on the other hand like 2 hear such horror stories as u told in the 1st part of ur post(how sad 4 those 2 poor young people)

This must be ALOT2 deal with Carrie,u must be a very strong woman 2 deal with such issues on an everyday basis.I 4 1 commend u on being so brave 2 deal with these types of situations & not going crazy

You're truly being blessed and enriched by your contact with these people. I trust in your abilities to help them.

That first story is just heartbreaking. You're right- how do we have ANY right to complain?

Thankyou for sharing Carrie, it's heartbreaking and the work you do to help your clients astounds me and leaves me in awe, and the women who have survived such ordeals goes to show how strong the human spirit is.

You are amazing.


....
[This message was edited Tue Nov 4 3:26:12 PST 2003 by Lleena]

Hi Carrie!

Carrie is an absolutel Angel with a big heart of gold - she helped me out with some advice on a personal issue some time back that was much needed.

She also has a knack 4 putting across her posts very eloquently.

The world could do with more people like her.

I salute u and your work Carrie - keep it up.

love,
'nana x

What we do to our children!

We're lucky to have you in the world ... and lucky that you found your true vocation. I'm sure that contact with you enriches some of your clients' lives as much they enrich yours. You do come across as one of the most caring and enlightened people on the Org and now I know why (I hadn't fully realised before what type of things and people you had to deal with in your work). Just don't stop being you

Kiren
x

I'm so happy that you are there to help people who have been through such horrible things... God bless you, sweetheart.

good post, Lover!

Although my clients drive my crazy some days, I believe they teach me so much more than I would've ever come across on my own. Also, hearing the stories of my clients helps keep my personal dramas in perspective...

thank you for sharing this!

The first mention sounds horrifically similar to my mothers life, me and my sisters are the making of some of her life decisions. I look back... and all I can do is...

thank her... even if she was an unfit mother, I have her to thank for giving me life. (sound strange)

It took many, many years to understand, forgive and accept... and I am proud to say, I have.

Carrie, I know what you may feel in the job you have as well... you have read my posts about my experiences. Diversity is beautiful, people gift us with their life experiences. Learning from all moments (good or bad) gives us an edge to understanding life and allows us the opportunity to embrace the beauty presented in a moment, any given moment. (I do) I have 100's of people I interact each day... within my job, I love it!

Thank you for sharing...

I always love reading your posts, Carrie. Hope today is just as special.

Carrie,

Your job and your ability to show up every day, really makes you a saint in my eyes.

It also makes my job andthe stress associated with it seem extremely trivial.

absolutley beautiful carrie, thank you so much for sharing it.

there is a line i heard one from karen finley, a really wonderful performance artist that i was reminded of while i was reading the first girl's tale, and i am not sure exactly of what it means but it always stuck with me: "we keep our victims ready"

this was truly a lovely way to start my morning, by giving me something to wrap my mind around... thank you

This thread is gonna look like I was digging for compliments. PLEASE understand, I am not Mother Teresa here! I can often be a misguided, stubborn, angry, foolish asshole! This was really just to give you a taste of what's out there in today's America for me, and to share just two examples of the variety of the human experience. I come home most days feeling a mixture of worry and amusement and awe. I don't want to give you the wrong idea, though--most of my families are wonderfully healthy (although a bit poor) and NOT drug addicted.

There's so much more to tell, someday! There are my Somali and Ethiopian families, who insist upon feeding me everytime I come there (like I need it! LOL). They make homemade Chai for me, and last week showed me how they make oatmeal (thinner and sweeter and smoother). The children who are fascinated by my briefcase and try to chew on it and jump up and down on it, or pretend they're "Daddy" with it (one little boy recognized it as something his father has and was imitating him, trying to carry it around the room ) The kids who are fascinated with my hair and my face and smile and hug me: a total stranger, but someone they know--can literally sense--truly cares about them.

Anyway--it's about them, not me, and anything postive YOU guys get out of it . Thanks for reading!
[This message was edited Tue Nov 4 15:25:16 PST 2003 by AnotherLoverToo]

bananacologne said:

I would agree with that. I loves me some Carrie.

Keep on keepin' on, Boo.

I know that you are not fishing for compliments, but rather sharing a part of humanity that perhaps some of us never experience..

It breaks my heart that we as humans can destroy each other so easily. It tears me apart that children are so often the victims of their environments... GOD bless the girl and man in the first story.. I can't imagine what even goes on in their minds... SO, so sad.

There is always something to be thankful for, I know this shows me how good I have it.

It seems that in life you are exactly where you are suppose to be Carrie. I know that they are in good hands.. I love you my friend


.
[This message was edited Tue Nov 4 8:57:09 PST 2003 by sag10]

That was a cool read AnotherLoverToo, thanks for posting it!

A lovey read Carrie. Nice 2 see there R some lovely, humane people in the world and U seem 2 be 1 of them.



Respect 2 U 4 giving Ur time 2 people.

Thank you Carrie for sharing this. It is the exact reason I created this appreciation thread for social workers and all those personally involved in caring for and tending to the social fabric of society:

http://www.prince.org/msg/100/66069

The first story reminds us that the human spirit isn't always triumphant. Freespirit reminds us that sometimes it is. The reason I created the appreciation thread was to really give you and others the needed boost you obviously need each and every day.

Personally I'm thankful to know people like you both online and offline. I think of you like a sister.

God, Carrie. I can't stop thinking about this.

Wow, you sure do have an interesting job. Everyday must be an experience. You must know a lot about compassion and we all know this world needs more of that. Keep up the good work.

Thanks everyone SO MUCH for your kind words and sharing a little of your own personal/work experiences. I will probably orgnote personal replies to each of you, rather than inflate my thread with reply after reply .

I understand that most people probably might be at a loss to know how to respond to a thread like this, or might wonder why I'm posting such personal things about my clients, so I don't expect a whole lot of posts.

A few things to know: I have changed or left out any major identifying elements to the stories to protect their confidentiality. I also perhaps didn't make it clear that the woman in the first example is no longer with the man who was her pimp and the father of her other children--this baby has a different father, they've been together for several years, and supposedly he doesn't use drugs and is not abusive. I will meet him and hopefully evaluate that soon.

Also, again: most of my clients are not drug addicted or have such severe life histories. Most of my families are either just poor, or uneducated, or new to this country and need some temporary support and guidance during this time. Most of the families are thrilled with their pregnancies/other children/partners.

Finally: this is not new or shocking to me, nor the first time I've encountered such clients. I've been a social worker for about 10 yrs now, with experience in Domestic Violence, Substance Abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Child Mentoring Programs and Maternity Health. I wouldn't be doing what I do if I didn't have a deep appreciation and respect for 99.9% of my clients and their situations, or if I didn't think I was capable of providing the services they need (or guiding them to the best person for the services).

Sometimes I get tired, drained, worried--but there is never questions about belonging in my field, nor doubt as to my appreciation of every moment (even if it comes in retrospect, a bit later, lol).

Thanks again for letting me "talk"!

--Carrie

Carrie

Very lovely. I so admire the line of work you're in - to the point that I would consider going in that field (or something like it) when I get older. Your patients are astounding... always love it when you post things regarding your job... humans are amazing sometimes, aren't they?

You are an absolute angel Carrie.
I admire the work you do and I'm glad there is someone out there caring for these people.
Wonderful thread and it's opened my eyes to other peoples problems too.

found myself thinking about this last night... thank you agian

cborgman said:

Today I have to meet with a young married couple who just had a baby about a month or two ago, and the mom just tested positive for chlamydia. Looks like Dad was out messing around while mom was pregnant, and she's asked me to help facilitate the discussion. This is not going to be pleasant! Also, now the doctor has to test the baby for it, because the baby's eyes have had yellow ooze coming from them, which was assumed to be a blocked tear duct (common), but could be chlamydia. If the chlamydia bacteria is in the eyes long enough, it can cause blindness...

AnotherLoverToo said:

you are a stronger person than i... i couldn;t even handle working in a news station, cause my empathy is so strong to the point i get highly emotional over otehr peorple's pain.

as much as i would love to work your job so i could feel like i was making a difference, i could never handle it.

AnotherLoverToo said:

This to me is the saddest (is that a word ) part yet.

minneapolisgenius said:

Yeah, he's a whole other element. The brother doesn't like it that his sister (my client) and her boyfriend are there, and has become very agitated and the police had to come pick him up one night because he was yelling and freaking out...

Luckily, my client and her boyfriend had already identified a transitional housing program they were trying to come up with a deposit for, so they can get out of there and not upset him (or themselves) anymore. The mother is an active alcoholic, too.