jack off
jerk off
audition the finger puppets
bash the candle
be a virtuoso of the skin flute
beat off
beat the bishop
beat the dummy
beat the meat
beat the stick
beat up your date
beef-stroke-it-off
bleed the weed
blow your load
bludgeon the beefsteak
bop the baloney
box the jesuit and get cockroaches
boxin' the bald champ
buff the banana
burp the baby
burp the worm
butter the corn
choke Kojak
choke the chicken
choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
clamp the pipe
clean your rifle
climb Mount Baldy
closet Frisbee
come into your own
cook the cream of cock
corral the tadpoles
couch hockey for one
crank the shank
crimp the wire
crown the king
cuff the carrot
diddle
do a hand job
do battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
do handiwork
do the janitor thing
drain the monster
engage in safe sex
fist fuck
fist your mister
five knuckle shuffle
flog the dog
flog the dong
flog the hog
flog your mule
fondle the fig
friggit
gallup the antelope
genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion
get a date with Slick Mittens
get the German soldier marching
get to know yourself
give it a tug
go a couple of rounds with ol' josh
go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
grease the pipe
hack the hog
have a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
have a date with Fisty Palmer
have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
have it off
have sex with someone you love
hitchhike to heaven
hitchhike under the big top
hold the sausage hostage
hug the hog
hump your hose
jack hammer
jack off
jazz yourself
jerk off
jerkin' the Gherkin
juggling the coullions
meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
lope the mule
make instant pudding
make the bald man puke
mangle the midget
manipulate the mango
manual override
master bacon
meet Rosie Hancock
milk the cow
milk the lizard
mount a corporal and four
nerk your throbber
null the void
oil the glove
onan's olympics
pack your palm
paddle the pickle
paint the ceiling
paint the pickle
peel the banana
peel some chilies
perform diagnostics on your ManTool
play a little five-on-one
play in a one-man show
play five against one
play pocket pinball
play pocket pool
play tug-of-war with the cyclops
play Uno
please your pisser
plunk your twanger
polish Percy in your palm
polish the family jewels
polish the rocket
polish the sword
pound off
pound the bald-headed moose
pound the pud
pound your flounder
pull off
pull rank
pull the carrot
pull the cord
pull the five-knuckle shuffle
pull the goalie
pull the pole
pull the pope
pull your prick
pull your taffy
pump the python
punchin' the munchkin
ram the ham
ride the great white knuckler
roll your own
rope the pony
rope the pope
rub off
rub one out
run off a batch by hand
sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
scour the tower of power
self abuse
self-induced penile regurgitation
shag
shake hands with the unemployed
shake hands with your John Thomas
shake hands with your wife's best friend
shemp the hog
shift gears
shine the helmet
shine your pole
shoot putty at the moon
shoot skeet (pull...shoot)
shoot the moon
slakin' the bacon
slam the ham
slam the spam
slammin' the salmon
slap high fives with Yul Brynner
slap the carrot
slap the clown
slap the donkey
slap the pud
slap the salami
slappin' pappy
sling the jelly
snap the monkey
snap the rubber
snap the whip
solo sex
spank the frank
spank the monkey
spank the salami
squeeze the cheese
squeeze the juice
stinky pinky
stir the yogurt
stoke it
stroke it
stroke off
stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
stroke the dog
stroke the satin-headed serpent
stroke your poker
take matters into your own hands
take the monster for a one-armed ride
take part in population control
tease the weenie
tenderize the tube steak
test the testicles
test your batteries
the art of Unisex
tickly my fancy
tickle the pickle
toss off
toss the turkey
twang the wire
thump the pump
tweak your twinkie
varnish the flagpole
wack the one-eyed worm
wack the weasel
wack the willie
walk the dog
walk the plank
wank
wax the carrot
wax the dolphin
wax your surfboard
whack off
whip off
whip the dummy
whip the wire
whip up some sour cream
whip your dripper
whizzin' jism
wixen
wonk your conker
work off
wrestle the eel
wring out your rope
wrist aerobics
yank off
yank the crank
yank your plank
yank the yoyo

Accosting the Oscar Meyer.
Appropriate the means.
Arm aroebics.
Backstroke Roulette.
Battling the purple-helmeted warrior.
Bash the bishop.
Bash the Candle.
Beat off.
Beat Pete.
Beat the bologna.
Beat the bishop.
Beat the butter.
Beat the dummy.
Beat the meat.
Beat the stick.
Bequeath your genes.
Bleed the lizard.
Bleed the weed.
Bloating the vein.
Blow your load.
Bludgeon the beefsteak.
Bombing the German helmut.
Bop the baloney.
Box the Jesuit.
Boxin' the Bozak.
Boxin the Ballsack.
Break one off.
Break you off at the wrist.
Buck the bone.
Buff the banana.
Buff the wood.
Burp the worm.
Bust a nut.
Butter the corn.
Caulk the tile.
Charge the rod.
Charm the serpent/snake.
Check the oil.
Choke the chicken.
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come.
Chong your schlong.
Churning butter.
Clean your rifle.
Closing the deal.
Come into your own.
Conking the Cardinal.
Converse with Harry Palm.
Crab tease.
Crack off a batch.
Cracking off.
Cracking the bat.
Crank the shank.
Cream the cheeze.
Cream your corn.
Cream your jeans.
Creamed beef.
Create an arch.
Crown the king.
Cuff the carrot.
Culture the American Blood Sausage.
Date Rosy palm and her 5 sisters.
Diddle.
Diddling the dinky.
Discipline your soldier.
Discussing Uganda.
Disobey the Pope.
Doin' the Hand Jive.
Donkey Spank.
Drain Charle's Dickens.
Drain the monster.
Educating Peter.
Empty the cannon.
Erupting Vesuvius.
Evicting the testicular squatters.
Excercise your rights.
Express yourself.
Facha la manuela.
Feed the ducks.
Fight the Champ.
Firing the flesh musket.
Fire the hand cannon.
Fire the Surgeon General.
Fire the wobbly warhead.
Fist fuck.
Fist kebabing
Fist of fury.
Fist your mister.
Five against one.
Five knuckle shuffle.
Flick the dick.
Flog the dog.
Flog the hog.
Flog the infidel.
Flog your dong.
Floggin' the Dolphin.
Floggin' the log.
Flub the Dub.
Flute solo.
Fondle the fig.
Free Willy.
Free the slaves.
Friendly Fire.
Frothinghands' mate, Fistina.
Gallop the antelope.
Getting comfortable.
Getting in touch with your inner-self.
Give it a tug.
Givin' Yul Brenner a high-five.
Go a couple rounds with the champ.
Grab the flab.
Grab the slab.
Grease the pipe.
Grip the tip.
Gripping Flipper.
Hacerse la manuela
Hacerse la paja.
Hack the hog.
Hand job.
Hand to gland combat.
Hand work.
Have it off.
Having a whack attack.
Herkin the Gherkin.
Hit on Rosy Palm.
Hitchhike under the big top.
Hump the horn.
Hump your hose.
Hold the bold.
Hold the mayo.
Ignite the Lightsaber.
Infiltrate your crabs.
Innoculate the newborn.
Jackhammer.
Jack off.
Jack the corn.
Jack the sack.
Jack the joystick.
Jack your Jizz.
Jack your monkey.
Jack yourself.
Jack'n the beanstalk.
Jam the joystick.
Jalarle el pescuez al ganso.
Jerk off.
Jerk the Gherkin.
Jerk the Turk.
Jerk your rope.
Jerkin' the noodle.
Juice your fruit.
Kill the Pope.
Knock on wood.
Knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump.
Launching the Tadpoles.
Lightening the load.
Lighting the candle.
Little pinky hit the slinky.
Loading the cannon.
Lope the mule.
Lube the cord.
Make the bald man puke.
Making a six-fist.
Manipulate the mango.
Manistrupation.
Mannin' the Cannon.
Manual override.
Manually assisted wet dream.
Massage the one-eyed monk.
Maximize your potency.
Meet your right-hand man.
Messin' with Moby.
Milk the lizard.
Milk the maggot.
Mount a corporal and a four.
Murder the Bishop.
Nerk your throbber.
Oil the glove.
Onan's olympics.
One-eye target practice.
One-man show.
Oscillating the Oscar Meyer.
Pack your palm.
Packaging the ol' sausage.
Paddle the pickle.
Paint the pickle.
Paint the ceiling.
Passing math.
Pat the Robertson.
Perm your poodle.
Petting the snake.
Petting the Wookie.
Phone the czar.
Play with your Willy Wanker.
Playing the fiddle.
Playing the flesh trombone.
Playing the pink oboe.
Playing a solo on your meat whistle.
Playing soapy Peter.
Playing with the pink Power Ranger.
Playing with your 6th finger.
Playing with your big Alien.
Please your pisser.
Pluckin' your chicken.
Plunk your twanger.
Pocket pinball.
Pocket pool.
Pocket the rocket.
Polish the pole.
Polish the rocket.
Polish the sword.
Polish the Viper.
Polish your antlers.
Polish your helmet.
Polish your horn.
Polishing Charlie Brown.
Polishing Percy.
Portuguese Pump.
Pound off.
Pound the bobo.
Pound the pelican.
Pound your flounder.
Pound your pud.
Pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin.
Practice the Heimlich Maneuver.
Prime the womb cannon.
Puff the one-eyed dragon.
Pull off.
Pull the ducks neck.
Pull the root.
Pull the pole.
Pull the pope.
Pull your pud.
Pull the pudding.
Pull your prick.
Pulling on Peter.
Pulling the goalie.
Pummel the love truncheon.
Pump the monkey.
Pump the python.
Pumping gas at the self-service island.
Punching the clown.
Punchin' the Munchkin'
Punching your puppet.
Punish the Harlequin.
Punish the penguin.
Rake your meat.
Ram the ham.
Ravage the innocent.
Read 'em his rights.
Rewinding your tape.
Ride the great white knuckler.
Rolfing the piglet.
Rob the knob.
Rolling your quarters.
Rope the goat.
Rope the pony.
Rough up the suspect.
Rub off.
Rub one out.
Rub the tub.
Run a batch.
Running Peter through two-a-days.
Running the whack-a-thon.
Sailors' joy.
Salute the sailor.
Sanding the banister.
Schplitzing your schmeckel.
Shag.
Shake the snake.
Shake the weasel.
Shakin' hands with little Elvis.
Shakin' hands with Mr. Winkie.
Shakin' hands with the unemployed.
Shakin' your hands at the sky.
Shakin' your own maracas.
Shifting gears.
Shine the barrel.
Shine your pole.
Shoe shine.
Shoot your squirt.
Shooting putty at the moon.
Shuffle the deck.
Sifting through the nest to find mama bird.
Single dingles.
Siphoning off the tank.
Slakin' the bacon.
Slammin' the salmon.
Slam the ham.
Slam the hammer.
Slam the salomi.
Slam the spam.
Slap your head.
Slappin' Pappy.
Slappin' the Cap'n.
Slapping the clown.
Slapping the salomi.
Slaying the one-eyed monster.
Sling the jelly.
Slog the log.
Smacking the sausage.
Snap the carrot.
Snap the radish.
Snap the rubber.
Snap the whip.
Snuggle the nozzle.
Soldier's toy.
Solo spit.
Spank the carrot.
Spank the frank.
Spank the monkey.
Spank the tank.
Spank the wank.
Spank your little boy.
Spinning the record.
Spit one off.
Spit the seeds.
Spit-shining the boots.
Sprayin' the spectators.
Sprinklin' the lawn.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the lemon.
Squeezing the cream filling from the twinkie.
Squeezing the Creamy Filter.
Squeezing the squid.
Squirt one off.
Squirtin' Burton.
Stroking it.
Stroking Steven.
Stroking the Scooby.
Stroking the schlong.
Stroke off.
Stroke the dog.
Stroke the goat.
Stroke your ego.
Stroke your poker.
Stroke the trumpet.
Stroke your wookie.
Suffocate the organ.
Surfing on the Milky Highway.
Taffy pulling contest.
Taffy tugger.
Take a beating.
Take a load off your mind.
Take matters into your own hands.
Take ol' stiff neck to the movies.
Take yourself in hand.
Teach your dog to spit.
Tease the weenie.
Tenderize the meat.
Test the flashlight.
The tube of cream.
Thropping your marrow.
Throw out.
Thump the pump.
Tickle your pickle.
Trim your antlers.
Trim your horn.
Torment the Trouser Trout.
Toss off.
Tossing the ham javelin.
Train the Love Porpoise.
Tug o' war with ol' Cyclops.
Tugging the tapioca tube.
Tuning the fork.
Tweak your twiddle.
Twirl the squirrel.
Unleash the fury.
Unloading passengers from the five-car train.
Vaccinate the baby.
Varnish the flagpole.
Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters.
Wack the weasel.
Walk the dog.
Walking old one-eye.
Wank.
Wank the crank.
Wanking one-eyed Willy.
Wanking the one-eyed wonder worm.
Wanking the scube.
Warming up the altar boys' dinner.
Wasting babies.
Wave the wand.
Wax the Buick.
Wax the candle stick.
Wax the carrot.
Wax the dolphin.
Wax the womb broom.
Wax your surfboard.
Whack off.
Whack on your back.
Whack little Mac.
Whack your Magic Johnson.
Whip off.
Whip the dummy.
Whip the wire.
Whip your dripper.
Whippin' the pony.
Wippin' the weasel.
Whipping your Skippy.
Whipping your Willy.
Whizzin' Jizzum.
Whittling Dixie.
Winding the Wurlitzer.
Wonk your conker.
Work off.
Workin' the Jerkin.
Wrestle the eel.
Wrestle the bald-headed champion.
Wring out your rope.
Wringin' the towel.
Wringin' out the tube steak.
Yang your wang.
Yank off.
Yank the crank.
Yank the plank.
Yank the yam.
Yank the Yoda (Do or do not; there is no try.)
Yank your strap.
Yank your wank.
Yankee your Wankee
Yuckin' your choad.

Playing with your light saber
Strangling (choking) Yoda
Oiling BobaFett
Doin' the Han Solo
Jerkin' Jabba's chain
R2 your D2
Flyin' the Millenium Falcon
Toying with your death star
Using the force
Patting yoda on the head

For The Gals - Finally!

5 Digit Disco
A "night in with the girls"
air the orchid
audition the finger puppets
Backslappin' Betty
Bailing out the Gravy Boat
Beaver bashin'
Bouncing the bearded clam
buff the beaver
Buffing the box
Buffing the jewel
Buttering up the whisker biscuit
Buzzing the honey hole
caress the clitoris
Clam twiddlin' jamboree
clean your fingers
come into your own
couch hockey for one
Critter crammin'
cunt cuddling
Damming the beaver
Dialing "O" on the little pink telephone
diddle
Diddling miss daisy
Diggin' for clams
Digitis Erectus
do handiwork
douse the digits
drilling for oil
drown the man in the boat
engage in "safe sex"
erase the problem ('cause you rub 'til it comes off...)
fan the fur
feed the bearded clam
Fingering the fountain
fingerpainting
fist fucking
Flicking the minnow
fluffin the muffin
Friday night lip service
Frosting the muffin of love
genital stimulation via phalangetic motion
gentle the genitalia
get a date with Slick Mittens
get a fat lip
get a lube job
get to know yourself
Giving yourself the finger
Going for the gooey duct
grab the goatee
grease the dildo (or cucumber, if you're feeling vegitarian)
grease your hips
grope the grotto
have it off
have sex with someone you love
hitchhike to heaven
hitchhike under the big top
Impeaching Bush
jack off
jazz yourself
Juicing the clam
leglock the pillow
let your fingers do the walking
Lip smacking
lubricate the labia
manual override
man overboard
Menage a'moi
petting my pussycat
pet the pussy
Petting the kitty
Piddly Diddler
play the clitar
Playing the squeezebox
Pokin' the pie
Polishing the little pink pearl
Pumping the kooter
Punchin' the chipmunk
Reading in Braille
ride slidesaddle
ride the unicycle
ride the tubsput
Riding the clitoris-sauras
Romancing thy own
Roughing up the suspect
row the little man in the boat
rubbin' the nubbin'
rub off
rub one out
self abuse
Self-guided tuna boat tour
shuck the oyster
silk abuse
slick abuse
Smacking Jerry Garcia on the nose
Spanking Lucy
solo sex
stinky pinky
stir the yogurt
stoke it
stroke it
stroke off
Stroking the newt
stuff the taco
surf the Wet
taking a dip in the lake
test the plumbin
the art of unisex
the virgin's release
thumb the button
tickle my fancy
tickling the taco
Tissue tickling
to "jill off"
toss off
Twirling the pearl
Unbuttoning the fur coat
visit "father fingers"
Warming the wrist rocket
wash your fingers
water the hot spot
was the carrot
wax the saddle
"You're soaking in it"
Thanks to Todd M. for a bunch of recent additions!


More Euphemisms For Guys:


bobbyn robyn's nobbin
fucking without complications
beating the bishop
slamming the ham
loping the mule
jerkin the turkey
pounding the pud
shaking hands with the governor
flogging the dog
Flogging the log
Spanking the monkey
Taking matters into my own hand(s)...
Pulling your own weight
Chafing at the bit
peeling some chilis
tug of war with cyclops
5-knuckle shuffle
auditioning the finger puppets
hitch-hiking under the big-top
shining your helmet
polishing the pork sword
taming the beef weasel
beating the bald-headed bandit
making fist-kabobs
sending out the troops
tugging on the tapioca tube
in medical terms... "having a little stroke"
teaching your children to fly
wrapping grandma's birthday present
summoning the genie
negotiating a new contract
addressing Congress
forestalling the waterpik purchase
catching up with popeye
flogging the dolphin
getting Putz Pez
sliding the shaft
unstabling the stallion
buffing your helmet
expressing yourself
painting the ceiling
wrestling with your emotions
transferring data
upgrading your hardware
burping the worm
bashing the bishop
bachelor's shuffle
pulling a pudding
burping the worm
wanker the anchor
waxing your dolphin
burping the chipmunk
singing with rosie
strumming the ol' banjo
Pat the Robertson
Fire the Surgeon General
sampling the secret sauce
Tweety is playing with my Sylvester
Blasting off to Baywatch
Kneading your dough
cocking your shotgun
Shaking hands with voltron
polishing the rocket
choking the chicken
beat the meat
playing solitaire
fucking palmala
shaking hands with the unemployed
tossing it
rendez-vous with mrs.haand
whipping the baloney pony
shuffeling the palm tree
5 against willie
rubbing the magic lamp
adjustin the bowl of fruit
playing with the little man in the boat
turning the earth worm into a spitting cobra
draining the one eyed monster
yank the plank
stroke the bloke

clean out the sock drawer

Sadly, I invented half of them.

i personally had no idea that there were so many names for that

i think some of them are just silly...but others are pretty funny

beef-stroke-it-off



sounds like beef stroganoff to me...:Falloff: i will no doubt think of this the next time i make that for dinner

Manhandle the fuck stick

righteous1 said:

Frosting the comforter

release the love juice out ya main vein

cradling the baby

Impressive...

PurpleLove7 said:

Impressin the boss!

kiss85 said:

lol gross

Dishonorable discharge

A night with Ms. Palm-er

SweetKreme said:

or...

dating rosy palm and her 4 sisters

TRON said:

thats funny :LOL:

Raising my flag.

A million gun salute.



Making cunt soup.

Kelley...u dont get out much do u?

beating the bird?

bananacologne said:

i get out plenty ...thank you...why do you ask ??

is it because i am a female that is strong in her desires for sex ? why is it still that a man can have a sexual mind...but when a woman does...there has to be something wrong with her ??? i will tell you this much...not one of the men i have been with had any complaints about my sex drive...

justkelley said:

theese are too funny!

Controling the Palm Pilot!

Kelley is doing the do all you think about? :LOL: good lawrd!

justkelley said:

Shit, I wish I'd have met you 10 years ago! Wecould've burned off all this excess sexual energy together.

LittlePill said: