any player they come accross... as to protect other women or women who have been entangled in the life of a player???

I was re-reading some of my comments on posts and was truely happy to see a wonderful definition of a player...

Just very curious on the thoughts of people out there in general.

can you post the definition dawnrose?

Oh I can relate to this one, I had a friend who hooked-up with a guy that I had known for fifteen years, he was always a player, hell he was even married at the time and my friend knew it. I talked to her once after they first got together telling her what he was about but she wouldn't listen, so I just stood back and watched. Let's just say that she had a rude awakening, he's still married, beats the hell out of her and her kids and she supports him.

Paisley said:

very very sad to hear paisley! And I am going to try to find the link to the def of player or pimp...

Raspberry said:

here is the link...
www.prince.org/msg/100/59...msg_935145

dawnrose said:

end of thread- definition posted by 00769BAD

I know too many women who have been taken in this manner- it is sad...

Thank you ... so, let me see if I got this right - a player is someone who goes out with lots of women at one time? ... or is he someone who lives off women?

Raspberry said:

yes- and lives off of them...
my question is... should u- "IF" u have been in such a tangle- let the other women know???

i think i see it as a moral obligation- especailly when u know some of them - the other women have been dealing with serious depression- self doubt etc... because the playa is good at making u believe him. and what about women who are entangled and have children???

I am just looking for thoughts and comments on this subject.

ok, sorry - we don't have that term over here and, although I've heard it often on American talk shows, I've never been fully sure of the definition. Thanks for posting the link.

Now to my view (at last) ... I tend to think that you should never interfere in other people's relationships, not even if you think they're wrong. This is a difficult one though, cos I'd hate one of my friends or a family member to get involved with such a guy.

I think what'd I'd probably do is make clear my reasons for disliking him, but try not to be too forceful about it ... and just be there in the event that the relationship failed. I don't really think it would be my place to judge anyone. Awful though it sounds, people are attracted to one another for all sorts of reasons and it could be that even a man like that could be fulfilling some sort of need that my friend has.

Raspberry said:

good point. But should she take a call from one of the others and answer her questions truthfully???

Under that definition, the way I see it, if you are a friend, then you should tell the victimized person the truth.

And then let them make their own decision.

dawnrose said:

Always answer truthfully ... but don't go looking to give advice.

I think you have to be careful though, because there are always two perspectives in any relationship.

namepeace said:

Good answer!

No I don't think a you should. Whatever your intentions might be. The women you tell will not trust you or believe what you say until it is to late. Let her find out herself. trust me I have lost friends over this. Stay out of other people's love lives,even if it kills you not to say something.

Sweeny79 said:

I understand that...but should the woman involved let the other women know? Say it comes down to health issues...unprotected sex...and has herself heard the history of one of the other women. It's a struggle for her to not call- she does not want to hurt anyone- she wants the guy to understand the consequences of his actions and she wants to be fair and feels a moral obligation to let the others know...I find it a tough one myself...thought i'd get some good opinions here.

women should expose everything

dawnrose said:

I think the woman needs to be asking herself why she feels the need to get involved in someone else's relationship. Is it really a sense of duty/compassion or are there unresolved issues between her and the man?

I agree with Sweeny ... don't go inviting yourself into other peoples business, even if you can convince yourself it's for the right reasons.

Raspberry said:

well said

dawnrose said:

Of course not... It's none of your concern to meddle with other people's lovelifes...
Start to meddle and you'll get your helping hand bitten off...
If a woman is dumb/insecure enough to stay with a player because "he treats her so well" when in fact she fully well knows he doesn't do shit for her then she deserves to get played period...

Neversin.

When you warn people that the person they're with is a player, they seldom listen and quickly assume you're just jealous of their relationship. I don't bother telling people anymore.

I would want to know...and hopefully will trust my friends well enough to know that they are concerned for me.

Tom said:

Yup. If they can't see it for themselves, it's because they don't want to. The truth is always the most obvious thing in the world and if we don't see it then it's because we don't want to! If they get earnest and ask for my honest opinion then I give it, otherwise I just grin & wish them the best.

Thank you all sooo much for this wonderful advise...I thought it was an interesting topic!

Love & Light to all

If it's exposing an issue of a STD, etc., where a guy is knowingly going around infecting people and refusing to tell them, a person can notify the public health department and give them the infected person's name and info. Usually, however, they require someone to step forward and say they've had sex with the infected person and that he didn't notify her (or a different partner) that he had a STD before they contact him and request him (or the health dept.) to disclose to his sex partners.

I agree about not stepping into someone else's business, but on the other hand, people need to stop whining about it to their friends, too, unless they want a response they might not like. I've had male and female friends ask for my advice and help, pour their hearts out, even tell me they're freaked out by someone's attention and afraid for their safety (or afraid for the safety of the person they're cheating on, that the lover might pull a "Glenn Close"-Fatal Attraction), but then when I've tried to help them, they turn nasty and act like I'm the bad guy.

So I've learned the hard way--if they ask, say something once and then shut up and let them fuck things up.
[This message was edited Mon Nov 3 20:18:35 PST 2003 by AnotherLoverToo]

AnotherLoverToo said:

carrie where have you been hiding?

Christopher said:

I was gonna ask you the same thing, Xtopher! No more orgnotes telling me what you're eating or listening to...

:::
[This message was edited Mon Nov 3 21:10:42 PST 2003 by Christopher]

Christopher said:

Naw, not an official Org Break or anything. Just haven't been very interested in the topics lately, maybe? Dunno...

I just had peanut butter and jelly on crusty french bread!