Have you ever contemplated and or gone through a period of time where you not only did not date but literally pushed aside the concept. What did it yield for you? I have decided to take the next 8 weeks and NOT actively pursue and further more not passively seek out relating in a relationship level.
I don't think I as an adult have ever freed up my mind from at the least passively pursuing a relationship. I would see all through the eyes of possibility. I think I will learn a lot of things from this. Including just how often my mind slides into this groove.
Toothbrush guy and I were just talking and I came to this conclusion that this is the path I am to be on for the time being. So what do you think? Any pitfalls I should be aware of ahead?

Well Im in a similar situation now after a bit of reflection and adult planning. However I dont think any1 can push the concept aside becuz Mr/Mrs Right may turn up 2morrow.

No kisses.

As with any decision, why you do it is more important than what you do...so that's where I'd start if I were advising you...just to find out why you're making the decisions you're making. There's never anything wrong with taking/setting aside "time" to deal with "you"... But if it's done for the "wrong" reasons (or if you're actually doing it for reasons that you don't want to acknowledge), then the time spent alone won't benefit you like it should.

Byron said:

Ok agreed. There is a part I struck from the above... I'll give it to you now... I wanted to hear peoples opinions on the relationship dealings and not spark a religous debate. That said here is the concept in its unedited form...

Have you ever contemplated and or gone through a period of time where you not only did not date but literally pushed aside the concept. What did it yield for you? I have decided to take the next 8 weeks and NOT actively pursue and further more not passively seek out relating in a relationship level.
I don't think I as an adult have ever freed up my mind from at the least passively pursuing a relationship. I would see all through the eyes of possibility. I think I will learn a lot of things from this. Including just how often my mind slides into this groove.
David and I were just talking and I came to this conclusion that this is the path I am to be on for the time being. To the point I will vow it to God. My single focus will be his purpose. After all ... everything else will fall into place when I seek his will and purpose first will it not... I want Gods will and purpose for my life.
So what do you think? Any pitfalls I should be aware of ahead?

Christopher, you are a genius. Thank you!


John Mayer - Wheel Lyrics


People have the right to fly

And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say 'move along'
Their minds say 'gotcha heart'
'Let's move it along'

And airports see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someones coming home
In hand a single rose

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And I won't be the last
No I won't be the last
To love her

You can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen
It's just a season thing
It's just this thing the seasons do

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And you won't be the first
No you won't be the first
To love me

You can find me
If you ever want again
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around

And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time you will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

You can't love too much one part of it
You can't love too much one part of it

I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give returned to me

Ok...that helps expand on part of the "why"...so I guess I'd next ask what it is you're hoping to achieve by making the decisions you're making (that could be considered a part of "why" as well...results are "why's" in my book). Also, just curious...but is there a reason you picked a time period of 8 weeks, instead of just leaving it openended??...

By the way, to answer your question personally, I'm in that period right now as well...that is, I'm not worried about or wanting to "find" a relationship (I'm not big on dating at all...). Ironically enough, I had talked to my sister about this maybe a little over a month ago...we were talking about a bunch of things...and one thing I asked her was for her to name one of the things that she feels is an absolute necessity in her specific life to obtain true happiness(besides the obvious like health and family)...she mentioned something about a certain "mindset" or attitude, but it was a vague concept at best that she described. When she asked me the same question, I hesitated...then said "Love"...

Relationships mean less to me than finding/having the existence of love within my life and soul *smile*...I could go out and start a relationship tonight, if that's what I wanted.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

no probs.

Byron said:

To that end we agree most entirely. I find that as a women I am inadvertently always somehow trying to control the flow of that part of my life. Instead of accepting its Ebbs and flows. The "time" element is set in place for a few reasons. (Leaving it open would be a pitfall for me. The more resolute time concept would serve my personality better. It is not in my estimation a false boundary.) To cause a concise thought on my part to NOT focus on the relationship concept. To also give my mind rest in knowing I will return once again to Love but that it is not a now thing. I seek to transform it into a more natural thing for me as well. I am feeling both excitement and trepidation. I have much to accomplish on a personal level right now. I do believe single focus will see me through there faster.
I knew to do this in my life months ago. Then came David. To beautiful to resist and by far I am glad I did not. However, now is a time to let go and not a time to seek to create another thing in its place.

The pitfalls I am to watch for are these:

Hindrance
Distraction
Preoccupation

I am to focus on

Patience
Endurance
Elevation

Somehow I am given to know this will build a life I can stand.

I wish to learn by

Revelation

Before it gives way to a

Situation

Which when further ignored becomes a

Predicament

I do know that right now I will need to watch for the odd winds blowing through my life.

I do believe Byron whole heartedly that through this I will build a life that I can stand. Yes, it is about mindset and attitude. I am eager to see when I remove the Male female aspect from things when entering a room, what will change. What differences I will note. ( Not that I am given to outwardly change my behavior as such. But there is a subtle dance I participate in that I am curious to withdraw from for the time being. )

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

This jumped out at me... I know/understand that "dance" you speak of...and for me, I've always avoided it...even back in high school and college, I never took part in that "back and forth" between myself and any women within a given circumstance (work, classroom, club, etc...). I never was one to "play the game", no matter how subtle...I rarely cared how I was percieved by the opposite sex. It just was not my focus. And as a result, 98% of the time I was always alone......but I've always--always--felt that going out and having a relationship should follow the discovery of love...not the other way around. I can't imagine going out with someone 10 times, and still not being sure if you feel anything more for them than attraction...

I do, though, live within a philosophy that says "I'm not looking...but I'm willing to be found".. ...meaning, I won't go on dates or ask someone out to see if I can "find" love with them...I'll do so because I already have. I told you in an orgNote this weekend that I am one to wear my heart on my sleeve...and as a result, it's far more likely to get hurt than if I kept it hidden beneath protective layers. But I also feel/believe that by doing so, I'll more easily be able to recognize and accept when true love somehow "finds" me...because my heart will be there, out in the open, to be easily effected. When it has been effected, I've had no problem following it...no matter where it lead me...no matter where it didn't.

I also understand your reasons for using a specific time period...I do that too, in certain areas of my goals (it does help quite a bit in that regard, to give yourself a mental picture that's specific)...With me, I'm simply concentrating on discovering and living as "myself" (sounds hokey, I know..but there is some intensly real truth to those words in my case, trust me...), as well as spending time reorganizing my professional life/career, as well as financially (which is now literally weeks away from being achieved, especially financially...).

Those pitfalls you mentioned can definitely be hard to avoid...just knowing they'll most likely be there within your path can go a long way to avoiding having them derail you, I think......

I dunno, Muse...I guess I'd say just make sure you're making these decisions, not to run away from something...but to move yourself towards something you know you can't have any other way. I've learned to move away from making decisions based on what I feared I could not have any other way...there's a subtle difference between the two, and it takes a lot of self-honesty and introspection to see if you truly feel there is no other way, or if you only fear there isn't...difficult problems are not always insurmountable ones...and insurmountable problems are not always difficult. I don't know all the specifics of your situation, but on the surface it sounds like you understand yourself well enough...


...
[This message was edited Sun Nov 2 17:00:17 PST 2003 by Byron]

take it to orgnotes you two



I cannot believe I am reading through these huge posts, as when I see more than two sentences I usually head for the hills! Lots of interesting points being tossed around. I thank you both for expressing your thoughts so eloquently here, and sharing your experiences with us, as well as being so open and honest.

love love love it... really speaks to me and what I'm going through at the moment...

Learn to love you. Learn to live alone and understand that you can end up alone. If something good happens let it. But if it don't fit, don't force it. I love being single and couldn't have it any other way. I know me and understand what makes me happy. There may be a woman out there to make me a bigger "C", if so i will be ready. Until then...

I think that there is a fine line between getting needs met by relating with other people and relationship addiction. The only thing that really matters, is being at your home, inside. Spend time there and there is where you will be nourished, 'through' people, places and things. Realise that seeking the univeral energy outside of yourself is folly and all disorder will fall.

CtheUncanny said:

In the meanwhile, though, it is sooo tempting to find someone to act as a filler...

Natsume said:

And that is cool too. As long as you both understand and no games are played(unless the two want to play games).

CtheUncanny said:

True...I've seen friends (female friends, mostly) turn that "filler" into a relationship because they weren't understanding what it was they were really doing. Never works out..

Well I have not dated after leaving an abusive husband. I think I am scared to take a chance as who knows if the next man that comes along is an abuser too.

luv4u said:

...

K, I think it's good to be alone sometimes, if you feel that you need to be then don't sweat it.

Byron said:

Well said!

I've never been a dater. I feel like if it's meant to happen, it will. No point forcing it.

TRON said:

...That is me, exactly. And when it does...

Most certainly love all I have read. Agree with it all in many ways! Also I have learned from other thoughts. Thank you!!

Self love is most important. I have that. I am thankful for it. I am (at least I feel very ready for my future.) Maybe that is causing me to want it so badly I need to reach back and take a deep breath.
I am not running this time. It HAS been a pattern with me but in fact this time David and I have talked deeply about this and are in the exact same place for the slightly different reasons. We are in agreement with the paths we need to take right now. I just wish the life lessons were easier. They so suck! :MRGREEN: I maintain however, they will produce a life I can stand!

Yes I am trying to avoid a relationship, so long as I know it'll be meaningless. Guess I'm just waiting 4 Mr.Right

I had a year living on my own when my marraige failed. I was still in a relationship with my ex-husband but in the most part I was on my own.

It did me good. For the first time since I was 17 I realised that I didn't need a man in my life to be happy. I'm happier now as a result.

Raspberry said:

Good for you! I do know well I don't need a man. If anything I am far to independent. I feel very ready for a relationship that is serious. I think what we have here Kiren is a difference of opinion between God and I. ...and guess what? He wins!

SuperNatural said:

wow- I am loving this post! it too is fitting into my life and I am going into self reflecting mode- to learn..once again...about me. This has been most inspiring to read this evening.- thanx much!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

... you can't say fairer than that ... God's only looking out for you after all. Let's hope this is the start of something new and great for you, as I'm sure it is.

xxx

What do you think?



I don't that is the problem

Raspberry said: