ian said:

I never had a problem with Irish men, but cos ian deactivated me hundreds of times, I dont like them anymore

REDFEATHERS said:

Aww! Give me a hug!

ian said:

Cos I am forgiving and trust people a second time around here ya go!

And now you have locked Kelleys thread I wont get confused between the two threads anymore. :wink

I was mugged by AnotherLoverToo So I'm now avoiding all white females everywhere - they are all plotting something, I'm sure of it!

REDFEATHERS said:

i really appreciate it being locked ...thanks

it takes a lot for me to trust anyone, regardless of their sex.

AnotherLoverToo said:

I have learned from the very best - Lleena!

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

.

REDFEATHERS said:

Natsume said:

Lleena said:

helllo, sweetcorn!

it takes a lot for me to trust anyone, regardless of their sex.

Natsume said:

I know you want smell me!

Lleena said:

Brie!!!

cauze lotsa men are pigs

MrBliss said:

thats offensive to pigs

Ardeo said:

i meant it in a loving way

Well, first of all, I question your assumption that you would not judge people of a certain race based upon "30, 40, 50 times" of negative experiences with members of that race. If it only happened once or twice, then I could believe that. But when the same thing keeps happening over and over again, the brain begins to change its patterns of thinking/responding. I don't think you would consciously think to yourself "all black men are thieves" after it had happened 10-20 times, but I think that subconsciously, your mind and body would develop protective instincts and begin to respond in certain self-defensive mannerisms. It's biology, the "fight or flight" instinct, where we learn to identify potential threat based upon our experiences. There's no value judgments there, no racism, it's the mind telling itself, "someone who looked/behaved/spoke very similarly to this person hurt me in the past" and evoking anxiety.

Let's reverse the situation, and let's say a person of color has experienced violence or overt racism from white people time and time again. They may be able to rationally tell themselves that not all white people are racist Klan members, but as a result of trauma, they will develop subtle protective instincts that allow them to "feel out" that white person. And it makes a lot of sense to do so. There are studies that have been done on being a minority and the extra stress involved in "normal" everyday interactions.

Anyone who experiences emotional or physical trauma is prone to be extra careful in similar circumstances. It does help to talk yourself through situations, to remind yourself that not all people who look a certain way behave in a certain way. I think the most helpful thing to do is to take a look at our own behaviors and what we personally are doing to draw this hurtful type of person to ourselves when we find ourselves repeatedly traumatized. (No, not 'blaming the victim', but just being smarter about our own tendencies of putting ourselves in danger)

There are some types of men that women do need to be extra careful around--it would be silly not to, given crime statistics, etc. AND there are certain types of women that men need to be careful with. It's all about perspective and self-insight, I believe.