New topic
Printableapplekisses said: AnotherLoverToo said: Well, I think the media and people in general tend to focus on 30-something single women more than men, because there is more social stigma attached to being single and female. If a man is single, he's often seen as being that way by choice, as not wanting to settle down, and wanting to be "free". Whereas, women are usually viewed as being single involuntarily, only because no one wants her, and that there must be something "wrong" with her. Older single men are referred to as "bachelors", while single women are called "spinsters" or "old maids"--definitely a less favorable term.
I believe that often, both men and women can be unrealistic in their expectations of a potential mate. Many times, we focus on attaining relationships with people who embody the physical or economical ideal, rather than intellectual, emotional or spiritual compatibility. Many of us have been subconsciously trained to think that anything less than perfection is "settling". Last, but not least, I think many of us are drawn to the "unattainable", thus setting ourselves up for failure and for being alone again (naturally  ). We are trying to resolve past issues, and find ourselves repeating the same 'mistakes' over and over again. We find ourselves attracted to the same type of person time and again--someone who is not necessarily "right" for us, yet we try to make them right, to finally "win" and resolve that abandonment or self-esteem issue.
[This message was edited Sun Oct 5 19:52:36 PDT 2003 by AnotherLoverToo]  And you've hit the nail on the head HOW many times? 
I'm glad you're here, sweetie. The last few years (well, about 5 yrs, actually), I buried myself in grad school and achievement-oriented goals to avoid dealing with this stuff. I also lived in a very conservative city I thoroughly disliked, and assumed there were no compatible men for me in the area. I always told myself, "wait till you leave Grand Rapids, MI". Before that, I very much subscribed to the last phenomenon I listed--being attracted to and wanting the wrong men for the wrong reasons, in order to resolve some deep-seated insecurity. I tended to put myself in a situation of wanting what I couldn't have: the married guy, or the one who liked me but only as a friend, or some other situation where I was ultimately going to be left disappointed and defeated. I dabbled in the long distance, online relationship idea for a little bit--but as I've described here a few times, that turned out quite poorly. I think that in its own way, it was the same thing: dealing with a fantasy or ideal, rather than a "real" person. It's tough, sometimes I feel like a big weirdo, or that people wonder what's wrong with me. I don't know what's going to happen. There are married and coupled people who are miserable, and there are single people who are extremely fulfilled. All I know is that I'm going to have to work on being content and healthy, regardless of who else is in my life. | |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
AnotherLoverToo said: The last few years (well, about 5 yrs, actually), I buried myself in grad school and achievement-oriented goals to avoid dealing with this stuff. I also lived in a very conservative city I thoroughly disliked, and assumed there were no compatible men for me in the area. I always told myself, "wait till you leave Grand Rapids, MI". Before that, I very much subscribed to the last phenomenon I listed--being attracted to and wanting the wrong men for the wrong reasons, in order to resolve some deep-seated insecurity. I tended to put myself in a situation of wanting what I couldn't have: the married guy, or the one who liked me but only as a friend, or some other situation where I was ultimately going to be left disappointed and defeated. I dabbled in the long distance, online relationship idea for a little bit--but as I've described here a few times, that turned out quite poorly. I think that in its own way, it was the same thing: dealing with a fantasy or ideal, rather than a "real" person. It's tough, sometimes I feel like a big weirdo, or that people wonder what's wrong with me. I don't know what's going to happen. There are married and coupled people who are miserable, and there are single people who are extremely fulfilled. All I know is that I'm going to have to work on being content and healthy, regardless of who else is in my life. I think you're quite wonderful.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Carrie's a babe!  When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
althom said: AnotherLoverToo said: The last few years (well, about 5 yrs, actually), I buried myself in grad school and achievement-oriented goals to avoid dealing with this stuff. I also lived in a very conservative city I thoroughly disliked, and assumed there were no compatible men for me in the area. I always told myself, "wait till you leave Grand Rapids, MI". Before that, I very much subscribed to the last phenomenon I listed--being attracted to and wanting the wrong men for the wrong reasons, in order to resolve some deep-seated insecurity. I tended to put myself in a situation of wanting what I couldn't have: the married guy, or the one who liked me but only as a friend, or some other situation where I was ultimately going to be left disappointed and defeated. I dabbled in the long distance, online relationship idea for a little bit--but as I've described here a few times, that turned out quite poorly. I think that in its own way, it was the same thing: dealing with a fantasy or ideal, rather than a "real" person. It's tough, sometimes I feel like a big weirdo, or that people wonder what's wrong with me. I don't know what's going to happen. There are married and coupled people who are miserable, and there are single people who are extremely fulfilled. All I know is that I'm going to have to work on being content and healthy, regardless of who else is in my life. I think you're quite wonderful. Hardly  But thanks, silly married man!
Poor namepeace--he already knows what I think, we've had this discussion before! We need other people to respond seriously to his thread and give him some input... | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
bkw said: Carrie's a babe!
Another married Australian
How'd this thread turn into a 'Carrie vents and gets sympathy from other Orgers' thread?!
Back on topic!  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AnotherLoverToo said: bkw said: Carrie's a babe!
Another married Australian
How'd this thread turn into a 'Carrie vents and gets sympathy from other Orgers' thread?!
Back on topic! You just do something to us Australian men. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AnotherLoverToo said: bkw said: Carrie's a babe!
Another married Australian
How'd this thread turn into a 'Carrie vents and gets sympathy from other Orgers' thread?!
Back on topic! Nobody can respond cos you got it right in your first post!
My only contribution is that I didnt want kids at all through my 20's but changed when I was about 30. Now I have 2 and they are my world. However, I can fully understand why somepeople dont want them and i dont think there is anything wrong with that at all. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AnotherLoverToo said: It's tough, sometimes I feel like a big weirdo, or that people wonder what's wrong with me. I don't know what's going to happen. There are married and coupled people who are miserable, and there are single people who are extremely fulfilled. All I know is that I'm going to have to work on being content and healthy, regardless of who else is in my life.
Amen. 
And amen to leaving Grand Rapids for greener pastures. . .orgnote me, let's get some coffee sometime. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Good Thread! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
namepeace said: It seems that over the course of the last year much of the media has focused on the fact that women in their 30s are facing the "crisis" of being childless and single. I have seen a lot of "experts" on TV and in print touting theories of why women can't find a mate, are stood up at the altar, etc.
Some men have similar problems, too, however. For whatever reason or another, some men in their 30s still find themselves "childless" and single. For some of them, at least, it's the last place they wanted to be. So this phenomenon is not unique to the fairer sex, at least that's the way I see it. Do any of you have any theories on this subject? Or thoughts? Or rants? Or rebuttals?  Yes, stop fucking watching TV and believing everything you see on it.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
FlyingCloudPassenger said: Yes, stop fucking watching TV and believing everything you see on it.
Hey genius: I was referring to the reports as an example of the error in focusing on one gender. Keep up with the rest of the class. You can do it . . . come on . . . Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016
Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
namepeace said: FlyingCloudPassenger said: Yes, stop fucking watching TV and believing everything you see on it.
Hey genius: I was referring to the reports as an example of the error in focusing on one gender. Keep up with the rest of the class. You can do it . . . come on . . .  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I think nowadays it's more acceptable to leave somebody. People used to get married younger and divorce was considered too scandalous until fairly recently. We have more freedom than our parents and it seems we want the freedom to be alone and not shackled to someone who drives you up the wall. I think to truely make a relationship work you have to commited, patient and able to put up with all a persons faults. Which is why I'm single!  where's my beer?"You know, you're the classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain" | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AnotherLoverToo said: applekisses said: AnotherLoverToo said: Well, I think the media and people in general tend to focus on 30-something single women more than men, because there is more social stigma attached to being single and female. If a man is single, he's often seen as being that way by choice, as not wanting to settle down, and wanting to be "free". Whereas, women are usually viewed as being single involuntarily, only because no one wants her, and that there must be something "wrong" with her. Older single men are referred to as "bachelors", while single women are called "spinsters" or "old maids"--definitely a less favorable term.
I believe that often, both men and women can be unrealistic in their expectations of a potential mate. Many times, we focus on attaining relationships with people who embody the physical or economical ideal, rather than intellectual, emotional or spiritual compatibility. Many of us have been subconsciously trained to think that anything less than perfection is "settling". Last, but not least, I think many of us are drawn to the "unattainable", thus setting ourselves up for failure and for being alone again (naturally ). We are trying to resolve past issues, and find ourselves repeating the same 'mistakes' over and over again. We find ourselves attracted to the same type of person time and again--someone who is not necessarily "right" for us, yet we try to make them right, to finally "win" and resolve that abandonment or self-esteem issue.
[This message was edited Sun Oct 5 19:52:36 PDT 2003 by AnotherLoverToo] And you've hit the nail on the head HOW many times?
I'm glad you're here, sweetie. The last few years (well, about 5 yrs, actually), I buried myself in grad school and achievement-oriented goals to avoid dealing with this stuff. I also lived in a very conservative city I thoroughly disliked, and assumed there were no compatible men for me in the area. I always told myself, "wait till you leave Grand Rapids, MI". Before that, I very much subscribed to the last phenomenon I listed--being attracted to and wanting the wrong men for the wrong reasons, in order to resolve some deep-seated insecurity. I tended to put myself in a situation of wanting what I couldn't have: the married guy, or the one who liked me but only as a friend, or some other situation where I was ultimately going to be left disappointed and defeated. I dabbled in the long distance, online relationship idea for a little bit--but as I've described here a few times, that turned out quite poorly. I think that in its own way, it was the same thing: dealing with a fantasy or ideal, rather than a "real" person. It's tough, sometimes I feel like a big weirdo, or that people wonder what's wrong with me. I don't know what's going to happen. There are married and coupled people who are miserable, and there are single people who are extremely fulfilled. All I know is that I'm going to have to work on being content and healthy, regardless of who else is in my life. Bingo...I think you'll be surprised what can happen when one does that
How can anyone refuse you when you're so utterly fabulous?  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
namepeace said: FlyingCloudPassenger said: Yes, stop fucking watching TV and believing everything you see on it.
Hey genius: I was referring to the reports as an example of the error in focusing on one gender. Keep up with the rest of the class. You can do it . . . come on . . .  
Don't get all "org' like. It is what it is. You watch too much TV. Buh bye. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Cute.
What's your beef, honeybaby? Still mad about the hip-hop thing? And try to use the grown folk voice when you talk to the adults. Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016
Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
namepeace said: Cute.
What's your beef, honeybaby? Still mad about the hip-hop thing? And try to use the grown folk voice when you talk to the adults. Nah, just having fun with you! Tis cool, but too much media is bad for the soul. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
FlyingCloudPassenger said: Nah, just having fun with you! Tis cool, but too much media is bad for the soul.
Now let's be real. We can't neva get enough media. How else would we learn that only women suffer from being thirtysomething and lonely? If I didn't have media, I wouldn't know that single men in their 30s HAVE IT MADE! No, FCP, we can't neva get enough of them fancified writers and talky-box. Now if y'all will excuse me, I will get back to Fox. Great posts btw. Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016
Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
FlyingCloudPassenger said: namepeace said: Cute.
What's your beef, honeybaby? Still mad about the hip-hop thing? And try to use the grown folk voice when you talk to the adults. Nah, just having fun with you! Tis cool, but too much media is bad for the soul. My interpretation, FCP: this thread has nothing to do with the media at all. And if anything, he's questioning/challenging the media's coverage of the topic. Namepeace is asking folks--especially guys--to comment on being in their 30s, single and childless. He's not asking about polling techniques or accuracy. He's asking for thoughts, feelings and opinions on the matter and questioning that it's only women who are experiencing the "phenomenon". And I adore the man, so 
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
MizzHeavenly said: Christopher said: MizzHeavenly said: my sister is 25 and single...she will probably be 45 and single too maybe she just needs a cool hip makeover and stylish threads  The most beautiful girl in the world... does not need a make-over...she just needs a boyfriend. Ask her to give me a  , you too...if you want. "Waiting to be banned" | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
MizzHeavenly said: Umm no you do not understand...the orger The most beautiful girl in the world is my sister...ooops the cat is out of the bag.
Jessica is your sister? ,  "Waiting to be banned" | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AnotherLoverToo said: FlyingCloudPassenger said: namepeace said: Cute.
What's your beef, honeybaby? Still mad about the hip-hop thing? And try to use the grown folk voice when you talk to the adults. Nah, just having fun with you! Tis cool, but too much media is bad for the soul. My interpretation, FCP: this thread has nothing to do with the media at all. And if anything, he's questioning/challenging the media's coverage of the topic. Namepeace is asking folks--especially guys--to comment on being in their 30s, single and childless. He's not asking about polling techniques or accuracy. He's asking for thoughts, feelings and opinions on the matter and questioning that it's only women who are experiencing the "phenomenon". And I adore the man, so
I luvs me some ALToo. Anyplace 2 zero, she is number one! Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016
Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AnotherLoverToo said: FlyingCloudPassenger said: namepeace said: Cute.
What's your beef, honeybaby? Still mad about the hip-hop thing? And try to use the grown folk voice when you talk to the adults. Nah, just having fun with you! Tis cool, but too much media is bad for the soul. My interpretation, FCP: this thread has nothing to do with the media at all. And if anything, he's questioning/challenging the media's coverage of the topic. Namepeace is asking folks--especially guys--to comment on being in their 30s, single and childless. He's not asking about polling techniques or accuracy. He's asking for thoughts, feelings and opinions on the matter and questioning that it's only women who are experiencing the "phenomenon". And I adore the man, so
Well, the reason I mention the MEDIA, is because that's how you found out about that thing about men not experiencing the "phonomenon". You see, the media, movies, news, magazines, tv/cable, etc, influence popular culture, the masses. They dictate, DICTATE what's cool, how to speak, how to live, how to have a relationship. They tell you that so and so many men are better off and women aren't. Really? Which women? And why do you go along with it? You keep the stupidity going if you believe it. Here's my comment of being in me 30's and childless and marriedless. I don't trip on whether Im this or that. I don't care one shit what the media tells me are the latest relationship stats or trends should be. Sometimes if not most times, therea are other things that influence you condition. That's all. [This message was edited Sun Oct 12 13:43:50 PDT 2003 by FlyingCloudPassenger] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
if you are 30, single and have no kids..
you are BLESSED! ---------------------------------
 Funny and charming as usual | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
who says you have 2 be marry with children by a certain age, is all i'm trying 2 figure out, what I want 2 be freakin' single 4ever ? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
i am totally single...i've already nhad 3 kids...and life still suck...and my dad says...it's not gonna get any better than this:sad: but i refuse to believe | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I think it's god who decides if we will be single or not. He is the one who brings that special person into our lives. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
in 2005 i will be able to say "i was 30 twenty years ago"
DAMN!!! I AM King BAD a.k.a. BAD,
YOU EITHER WANNA BE ME, OR BE JUST LIKE ME  ™ | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Paisley said: I think it's god who decides if we will be single or not. He is the one who brings that special person into our lives.
I think we have to give God some help, though, cause sitting on our asses at home waiting for God to send Prince Charming along is NOT very realistic! [This message was edited Sun Oct 12 15:26:50 PDT 2003 by AnotherLoverToo] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AnotherLoverToo said: Paisley said: I think it's god who decides if we will be single or not. He is the one who brings that special person into our lives.
I think we have to give God some help, though, cause sitting on our asses at home waiting for God to send Prince Charming along is very realistic! I agree  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |