Okay, I wasn't going to post this here, but now I've changed my mind.

SensualMelody posted this on my behalf at the NPGMC and I now realise that it's not as embarrassing as I thought that it might be and I don't care if people think that it sucks.

It's a story I wrote called 'Serenity Calls', and I'd love to hear what you think of it.

The garden, small and circular, was cloaked in darkness. Thick fog hung all around it, but not within. The garden was of the utmost beauty, filled with indescribably beautiful scents and also an almost solid silence.
In the garden, Amos awoke. Although he had forgotten everything up to that point, he knew that he had a memory. However, he was unable to work out what that memory consisted of. Despite that handicap, he knew that he belonged where he was and knew that the place was just a pause before a longer journey.
Soon, he was aware of another person in the garden. She had been watching him for a few moments and now made herself known.
‘I am Serenity’ she told him.
‘I’m Amos’ he confirmed, both to himself and to her.
‘Why are you here?’ enquired Serenity, the look on her face suggesting that she already knew.
‘Why are you?’
‘Let’s not play that. I’m here because I’m visiting you. I’ve been visiting you for a long time now’ Serenity seemed to enjoy being an enigma.
‘Sorry. It’s just that I don’t know you and thought that you were simply prying’ Amos felt a little awkward, now.
‘Well, why are you here?’ Serenity repeated her question.
‘Just because…’
‘You don’t know, do you’ Serenity smiled just a little.
‘I’m sure I do. I’ve only just woken up. I feel like I intended to come here, but to tell you the truth, I don’t exactly know why’
Serenity let slip a little, high-pitched giggle. Amos liked the sound of it.
Amos continued, ‘I need to get beyond the garden’s boundaries, I do know that’. He felt a little better, knowing what his immediate aim was.
‘You have to be a special person to get beyond the garden’s boundaries. Are you a special person?’
‘I don’t know… Are you? Who are you exactly?’
‘I suppose that I own the garden’
‘Own it?’ Amos raised his eyebrows and looked at Serenity incredulously.
‘Yes. Someone else helped me to grow the pretty flowers and I don’t have to make too much effort to tend to it, but it’s definitely mine’ Serenity gave a satisfied smile as she scanned the circumference of the garden.
‘But…’ Amos started, but Serenity raised her finger to her lip to quieten him. She looked around her as if she’d been disturbed by something. After a few moments, she looked back at him.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked.
‘Nothing to worry about’ Serenity smiled and waited for him to say something.

Time passed and little was said between the two. The darkness surrounding the garden stayed constant, as did the silence. Until…
‘What are you looking for?’ Serenity startled Amos with her question, as he was starting to get used to the peace and quiet.
‘I’ve already told you, I’m not sure’
‘You don’t need to tell me anyway, I already know!’ Serenity announced.
‘What? If you know, then tell me what it is’
‘I’m not telling you, I can’t’
‘Why not? Why are you so mysterious all the time?’ Amos was starting to get ever so slightly annoyed with Serenity, but there was something about her that stopped him from losing his temper altogether.
‘I can’t tell you because you can’t be told’ Serenity looked genuinely regretful.
‘I don’t understand’ Amos was starting to get frustrated.
‘If I tell you, you’ll have too many answers far too soon. That’s one of the laws’
‘Laws?’ Amos looked puzzled.
At that point, the garden began to move. Only a slight movement, barely noticeable. To someone who didn’t belong in the garden it would have been felt like an earthquake, but Serenity and Amos felt only a gentle undulating.
‘The time is near for you to leave the boundaries of the garden’ Serenity told him, her voice almost a whisper.
‘It’s strange but half of me wants to leave and the other half wants to stay here forever. What’s beyond the boundaries?’
Serenity didn’t respond with words. She simply put her face near to his and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. She then spoke to him for one last time, ‘The next time you meet me, you’ll see me in a completely different way’
‘I don’t want to see you in any other way, I like you as you are’ Amos felt as though he were about to cry. He’d only known this other person for a few minutes, but still felt that he wanted to be with her all the time.
Suddenly, he realised that the dawn was breaking over the garden and he looked straight up above him and saw a light that was getting brighter. He looked around the garden and now started to feel the garden’s movement much more. He wasn’t paying much attention to that, however, as he had now become aware that he was alone – Serenity had seemingly disappeared. Now, the situation became too much for him to bear. The movement was starting to become terrifying and the light was blinding and strangely cold. It wasn’t an experience that he was enjoying, particularly now that he was alone. Finally, he broke down and started to cry. His cry was pained and agonising, the noise filled the garden which was now bathed in the unbearable light that was killing all the life within it’s boundaries except for Amos, who suddenly felt a surge of strength unlike anything that he’d ever felt before. And then he began…


‘Congratulations Mrs. Magdalene, you’ve got yourself a lovely, bouncing baby boy’
Serena Magdalene smiled at the mid-wife, but was too tired to respond with any words. She turned to her husband who gave her a gentle kiss. The few moments of silence were interrupted by the mid-wife’s next question;
‘Do you have a name for him yet? Or is that a secret just now?’
‘No, it’s no secret’ Serena looked straight into her new baby’s eyes and saw herself reflected in them, ‘We’re going to call him Amos’.

(c) 2002 Brian T. Jones

This is really a wonderful story, Haystack. Thanks for having the courage to post it here. I loved reading it.

It's great Haystack. Thankyou.

Thank you.

Wow! This is such an amazing story, Haystack. I didn't realise that you were capable of such amazingness.

TheOrger said:

I don't if you know Haystack Orger, but he has quite a talent!

nuff said

Great stuff, Haystack!

I didn't click on this thread before because I thought it was a Seinfeld ripoff. heh

Very nice

Beautiful ... can you tell us more about what prompted you to write it ...?

Raspberry said:

I would guess indigestion!

Raspberry said:

I was just bored at work one day and started to write the story. The hardest thing was coming up with the names. Once I'd finished the ending, I went over the whole thing to add bits that gave more clues to the story's conclusion.

Haystack said:

Does it tie into your beliefs ... reincarnation? life before life?

Raspberry said:

Not really, it was just a spiritual story. Although it does hint at the idea of re-incarnation.
Essentially, it was just a way of using the garden as a metaphor for a Mother's womb and how the unborn child may feel during those pre-birth months.

omg so now i'm crying
i need a baby damn

Haystack said:

Thanks Haystack. Actually, the story reminded me of my grandfather, who died in 1996 and was an amazing man. One of the things he could remember was being born. He said it wasn't a very pleasant experience - he didn't like to think about it. He could remember blood and a hard wooden table. (He was born on the kitchen table).

He wasn't at all weird either - he was a very down-to-earth man. Born in Aberdeen, he'd travelled to Canada as a youth and worked on the goldmines. Then during the depression ended up a hobo/tramp and had to walk his way across Canada to get home to Scotland and eventually London. Not a man prone to spiritual ramblings, but he was a thinker and very intelligent. I do believe he did remember being born.

Your story really touched me.
[This message was edited Thu Oct 2 8:01:12 PDT 2003 by Raspberry]

Raspberry said:

That's pretty amazing! My earliest memory is at the age of 3, but I can well believe that somebody could remember their birth. I mean, it must be a pretty traumatic and intense moment! And he must have had a pretty interesting life from what you've just said.

My earliest memory is from around the age of 3 too, and yes, if it wasn't my grandfather who told me he could remember his birth I really wouldn't believe it either

very very clever. i can not say that i saw the theme opr the ending coming at all.

very well done, brian.

U are very very talented...


Melody