alright...

something must be going on with me lately...because i am wrestling with a lot on my brain, and i have a question that maybe some of you can help me with.

tonight...at the dinner i didnt want to go to...i had a situation come up with my sister. we were all sitting around talking and my cousin told us that he had been to a psychic. he told us that because my dad was brought up in their discussions...

if you read my earlier thread...you know that i have some unfinished business with my dad that i wish could be taken care of in some kind of way...he died on my 18th birthday...which will make it 15 years he has been gone as of Monday...anyway...the psychic told him that he is still dealing with things that he left here in his life...and trying to make them better. i have no idea what that really means...i just know it started us talking about how parents affect our lives...by the things they say and do.

heres the question i have for you ...


it is my opinion that as a child growing up...the things that your parents and those who are closet to you do and say to you have a direct impact as to the kind of person you will end up to be.

therefore...if your parent says mean and hateful things to you while you are growing up...do you believe that has an effect on you for the rest of your life ?

do you believe you can just shake them off ?

do you believe that therepy will take care of it ?

or do you think that it will always play in your mind ?

is there really a 'small child' in all of us that makes us into what we are today ??

or ...do you believe its all a mind thing and something that you can just make a decision to get over ?

It is something that will always be in the back of your mind, sometimes words can be more painful fists.

I know many people who have successfully worked through their childhood stuff. I believe everyone has a different path to get there, however, and that not everyone is willing and able to.

I think if a person isn't willing to do the work to deal with it, then on some level they want to stay "stuck" and hurting, it meets some need that they have.

We can blame our parents only to a certain point, then we have to take responsibility for our own lives and decisions.

With awareness comes power and responsibility.

it is my opinion that as a child growing up...the things that your parents and those who are closet to you do and say to you have a direct impact as to the kind of person you will end up to be.

therefore...if your parent says mean and hateful things to you while you are growing up...do you believe that has an effect on you for the rest of your life ? Yes I think it will effect your life to an extent.

do you believe you can just shake them off ? depends on what was said...My personal experience is this...My parents have said some things to me that I have been able to totally blow of, however there were those times that they said things...that I still remember to this day and it still pisses me off when I think of the things said. However me being pissed of at what they said only pushes me to prove them wrong and it makes me stronger and work harder.

do you believe that therepy will take care of it ? elieve that therapy can help. They are many kinds of therapy, some forms of therapy work differently for people. For me my therapy is art, for someone else it might be writing music.

or do you think that it will always play in your mind ? matter how hard you try to repress bad memories, feelings and such...there is going to be something in life that brings them back from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind. The important thing is how you deal with these repressed memories that are no longer just memories but also reality.

is there really a 'small child' in all of us that makes us into what we are today ?? , there are many things that we experience in life that make us what we are. And that process starts during childhood.

or ...do you believe its all a mind thing and something that you can just make a decision to get over ? ends on what you are making the decision about...some things are easier then others to make a decision about.

hey kelley, I undestand wher you are coming from, my stepmother was a real witch,she was always saying mean and spitefull things to me, on the other hand my father, I got along with, but we did have our issues, that was when he drank, and he beat the holy crap out of me, but I have forgiven him, he also almost killed me, that was because of my stepmother always trying to get my father upset with me, I have been a victim of sexual molesttion by a freand of the family, my father was there for me, but my step mother for some reason after everything me and my sister went thought she decided to keep in contact of the man who was molesting me and my sister,, and also sent him pics of me and my sister while we were growing up, that really sickens me, I love my father and my real mother, but I will never forgive my stepmother for the evil things she did, is that a bad thing, and yes I did go get help, it did not, I turned to god and prayed about my situation. I may never really get over the awful things my stepmother did to me, but who have to keep moving forward in life, it will get better,I hope this helped in some way, Love, peace, and always B wild, sorry so long

interactiveplayer said:

thank you so much for your words...i understand the things you are saying...and i am sorry that you felt that pain

you are a sweetheart

Oh, Lawdy-Lawdy, let me add this on for some people who might get the wrong idea and think I"m being an insensitive bitch...

I don't think people who are struggling or in pain over their childhoods "deserve" it. I think when the person is ready, the opportunity for healing will present itself, and we have a choice as to whether or not to take advantage and seize the opportunity. I have been struggling for some time with certain things, and have yet to get close to resolving them, so I'm including myself in ALL of this.

Scientists have also determined that there is a genetic basis for certain people being less affected by trauma than others, so coping skills can be chalked up to genes, too.

i grew up in a number of very abusive situations from a number of family members (most prominantly my paternal grandfather, father, and step-brother) that pretty much run the gamut... sexual, physical, mental, verbal.

i was a wreck as byt the time i was 12, once the shit hit the fan and we were placed in foster homes where lesser versions of the same abuse contuinued.

but i bounced back from it more or less, thanks to therapy, spirituality, and a determination to "fall up" from it all.

and now i get paid to talk about it on stage...

karmic justice/karmic revenge is a lovely thing.

As your line of thought on this matter started on a spiritual level, I'd recommend this book to you. It may help you to work through some of the experiences you mention from a spiritual rather than physical perspective:

"A Little Light on the Spiritual Laws" - Diana Cooper (Hodder & Stoughton General; ISBN: 0340768630)

Kiren
x

AnotherLoverToo said:

i love you

Raspberry said:

thank you ...i will check that out

thanks guys

and much love to each of you

in Agreement with Kiren,for your own headspace you have to focus on complete and total closure, last thing anyone needs is added baggage to the soul and mind and spirit. because having that will costantly cloud your consistancy of thought.unless u put a proper close to it.

unwanted childhood shaping is one of the hardest things to change...it's easier to prune the leaves than it is to move the trunk of the tree, and nearly everything about us is derived from those formative years.

but...at a certain stage of adulthood, you are free to begin modifying yourself if you so desire. a therapist can help, especially when you do what most of us do--avoid the unpleasant parts. avoiding the hard stuff is what keeps us stuck. the only way out...is through

i recommend a sincere commitment to spirituality first--the desire to grow.

M. Scott Peck's "The Road Less Travelled" is what finally jolted me loose of my resistance.

great book teller