alright...i need some help...

my 8 year old son is playing football (as most of you already know), i spend my time with him letting him know that he has to try hard...and stay in the game...be strong...be on top of things...and stay focused, along with having fun...

however...tonight at practice, a coach grabbed my boy by the facemask and pulled him over and started yelling at him at the top of his lungs...

i started in to go help jake..but then i remembered that that is embarrassing to jacob, and i backed off.

when he got in the car...i asked him how things went...and he seemed very sad about practice - mentioned that the coach had grabbed him and was really yelling at him.

so i went to talk to another of the coaches...being that the offending one had already left. he says to me...

jake could really be a hell of a football player..if he put his heart into it ...and we are just trying to get him into the game... this may have been good enough...but then he went on to say... we have to 'scare' him into doing the things we want him to do ... i immediately said...hold up ... 'scare' ?

you see...in order for my boy to play this lovely sport...i had to pay $165 ...and my feeling is that if i am going to pay my money out...i definately will not be paying for some man to come out and 'scare' my son into doing what he wants...

the coach also used words like...sissys to describe a certain number of players out there...

on top of that...he called my boy a mommas boy !!!

like...what the fuck else is he gonna be ?
his dad is a loser...and has nothing to do with him at all...i do this shit all by myself...with no outside 'male' help at all...

that 'term' really gets under my skin


anyway...thanks for letting me vent...

and any helpful suggestions would be appreciated...

am i a caring mom ?
or just a lady who cant let go of her baby ?

There is nothing wrong with you, you are just a caring mom, it pissed me off just reading it so I could imagine how you felt, I probably would have slapped the shit out of that coach and got my throwin in the slammer.

I hear ya none should traet a kid like that but in the "sports" world that's how they get things done. I've had it out with gym teachers and coaches alike, it's just the way it is. What I would do is make sure that your son knows that he is not only a football player. Make him feel good about other things he does well and contniue doing what you did,talk to him about what the coach said.If you see it's getting him down ask him if he wants to take a break from playing sports. I have seen the harsh way coachs treat kids destroy thier spirit, you don't want that to happen to your boy.


for you

for Jake

Kelley, that is terrible! That coach was way out of line to grab your son's facemask like that and to start hollering at him like that. I'm not comfortable either with the coach saying that he has to scare your son into doing what they want. Jake is only 8 years old and is not a grown man on a professional football team for pete's sake!! The coaches need to be a little bit more understanding when it comes to dealing with young children; if they can't handle it, then they should not be coaching them, in my opinion. I would try talking to this coach one on one when you can get him alone and try to get him to be a little less harsh with your son. Good luck and keep us posted.

Paisley said:

Me too Paisley. I would have gone flying onto that field and would have really given that coach a piece of my mind. He would not forget who I was anytime soon!

There's no reason whatsoever for any coach in any sport to be thinking that 8 year old kids need to be groomed into professional athletes!!...

I'm for you, Kelly...

My daughter played basketball last year, and from what I could tell her coach could be stern, but he never instructed & coached the players on the team as though they were anything other than beautiful 8 & 9 year old girls trying out a new experience in life--one that taught teamwork, responsibility and encouraged exercise...

I don't think you overreacted at all...if he were 16, then yeah...but 8???...Hell no.

Hi, Kelley

Sounds like you're not all that familiar with sports culture, or perhaps you thought coaches were nicer with the young boys? I think it depends upon where you live, and especially how important your community feels football is and how competitive they get about it. I'm sorry that you were so upset...

I was a bit of a tomboy and I have 3 brothers, so I'm pretty well versed in the psychology of athletics. Our parents never allowed my brothers to play football, though, because of the permanent injuries they'd witnessed occuring to boys they knew. (injuries that lasted and affected the boys into old age). Plus, a close family friend was a football coach for Notre Dame and another was our high school's football coach, so we all had seen the mentality of what you describe time and again. And much worse.

Your son has a lot of different athletic options--my brothers went for basketball, baseball and golf. Football in particular is a lot like being in the military and/or a Gladiator. And some boys are really cut out for it, they have a natural aggressive, angry instinct that suits the game well. Other boys enjoy sports which have less physical contact with other boys and focus more on accuracy and finesse, and/or individual sports rather than team sports.

Ultimately, you and your son should probably give it some time and then evaluate if he's truly enjoying himself (that's most important, right?), and if he wants to continue or if he'd prefer to try something else. Give him options. My opinion only, based upon my life experiences...

Best of luck!
[This message was edited Wed Oct 1 18:41:02 PDT 2003 by AnotherLoverToo]

..

the world of sport is run by old chauvenistic fools,
whose values systems are from the stone age
if i told you all the names i get called every night
by my trainer, you would not believe.
most nights i am either a cunt, or a fucking cunt.
the idea behind this thinking is that they harden you
so that you may be able to face your opponent
ofcourse this is rubbish, encouragement is a far
superior method of making someone play better.

the bottom line is, if your son enjoys playing the game
and is prepared to deal with such treatment i would leave him be
children are stronger than we think and he needs to learn to
deal with ppl like this
because he will surely meet them again later on in life

..

Sounds like that coach needs a good asswhoopin'! What an a**ehole! Macho, bullshit talkin', footballwatching, beer drinking, malechauvanistic, homophobic, insentive pig is what he sounds to be. He is no good role model for your son. Using scare tactics on children - he should be ashamed of himself!

I grew up with two sisters and a brother and we only had our mother to take care of us. I have big respect for single mothers. Ain't nothing wrong with being a "momma's boy" - that just means he's a sensitive kid and that is to be cherished.
But asking that coach to get that through his ant-sized brain would probably be like expecting a neanderthal to have table manners!

Big hug to you, Justkelley.

thanks so much guys...

really...your kind words makes me feel like at least i am not some crazy freak of a mom

Since when did scaring anyone actually teach them anything?

You're right to be concerned about the way this coach is behaving, and to subjecting him to such role models. No, you're not being over-protective.

x

scififilmnerd said:

very nicely said

FUCK THAT DUMB ASS COACH!! I know just how Jake felt after practice. I played football when I was his age, and I had a loud, foul-mouthed redneck for a coach who made me feel like shit! I was only 8 and I didn't even understand all the rules to the game.

My mom raised us (I have two sisters) by herself, just like you are doing, and I used to be called a "mama's boy" all the time also. Damned right I'm a mama's boy!! She bust her ass and made sacrifices for us so I could do things like play football, Boy Scouts, music, drama, etc.so fuck that! OOPS! I didn't mean to rant...

Tell Lil Man to hang in there...and you do the same.

If you want me to come jeet kune do that coach, just let a bro' know.

Peace.

Paisley said:

actually...i said to a mom that was there...if i end up in jail, you will come and get me, right ?

justkelley said:

:LOL: :LOL:

WonHungLo said:

youre the bomb baby...

sure wish there were more of you grown-up 'mommas boys' around...

Raspberry said:

thank you very much

Byron said:

thank you baby

Sweeny79 said:

thank you ...and we you back

psychodelicide said:

we seem to share a lot of the same ideas honey...thats why i love you the way i do
you rock

Awww shit! Me and the boys are comin' to KC...

WonHungLo said:

thanks baby...i appreciate the support

ok...and for ALT and YSR...

thank you for your input...i understand your side of things and i had thought of this before even letting him play at all...however...

its still my son, and its up to me to make it so that he grows up to be the very best that he can be in life...therefore, i find it hard to let folks mess with his head like this, and i know all about how they will one day end up having a rough boss,teacher,or whatever in their lives...

but as a mother, i chose to protect them from this as long as i can...its the upmost importance to me that my kids stay mentally healthy in life...and grow up knowing that they are loved for who they are.

my son wants to be a doctor (he really wants to deliver babies...:proudmomma: ) and if thats the case...

you wouldnt want some fruitcake delivering your daughters babies now would ya ?

gotta see the big picture...an abusive man in a childs life can ruin them in ways we wouldnt know until they are adults...as you can see...i take my mothering VERY seriously

but again ...thanks for the input





spelling edit
[This message was edited Wed Oct 1 19:52:20 PDT 2003 by justkelley]

justkelley said:

A clarification: I think maybe I was not clear in what I was trying to say, and I apologize...

In no way do I think coaches' behaviors were acceptable. In fact, I pointed out that my parents deliberately steered my brothers away from football partly because they had seen the football "mentality" and wanted nothing of it for their sons. In my post, I tried to point out that, unfortunately, the "scare him into being a man" philosophy is pretty damned typical, and that if you allow him (or he himself decides he wants) to continue playing football, the aggressive antics of the coaches will probably continue and only get worse.

I suggested other sports as alternatives to football because at the end of your original post, you asked for ideas. My first thought was of what my own brothers did--participated in the types of sports where they could still learn about their bodies and compete and socialize. Somehow I guess it came out as not being supportive of your feelings, Kelley, but that was not my intent.
[This message was edited Wed Oct 1 20:32:47 PDT 2003 by AnotherLoverToo]

AnotherLoverToo said:

i understand honey...its perfectly ok...i am just a bit 'jumpy' tonight...dont mind me

that just sucks, Jake is such a good kid. But consider this, that if a player pulled the facemask of another, he would be penalized. What about a coach to a kid?? If Jake wants to do football, look around and talk to folks about where they participate, and the philosophy the coaches have about the kids.
That guy deserves whatever you say to him.

Ok...I have a daughter. So I guess there are things that are going to be different from your situation Kelly.
I'm going to make sure she can do whatever she wants and do whatever sport she wants.
If I ever catch a coach or offical talking to my daughter like that...they would not be standing.

Mommas boy is stereotypical thing. You got to stand up for your son. I would be pissed if that happened to mine. It is kick ass time.

Maybe Jake should play basketball next time. Take care, Kelly

Byron said:[quote]

There's no reason whatsoever for any coach in any sport to be thinking that 8 year old kids need to be groomed into professional athletes!!...

Kelley I totally agree with Byron on this one. Your son should not be subjected to this treatment at all. It is never right. IF he still wants to play then stay in there with him and let that coach know he is not to TOUCH your son in anyway, do this in private adult to adult so as not to usurp any supposed authority he has. IF there are other coaches available I would consider changing teams within the league, not all coaches are asses some truly love the kids more than winning.
My girls have played sports for many years and I have seen coaches who lose sight of what sports are supposed to be for kids but I have also seen wonderful caring coaches, both male and female. Don't give up! Plus if there is a soccer league that may be the sport for your boy, there is more finess to that game, or golf or tennis if you want to abandon the team sports thing. Swimming is also a great sport for conditioning or martial arts. Let him decide mommy. But protect your boy Kelley he is so valuable and so special ( I know you know that) but I mean as a person and a member of the human race. I am sorry he was sad and you had to experience this. hang in there mama!!!