Well, it's been a while ... ... a friend of mine told me this awful joke today:

What goes "ooo"?


... a cow with no lips.

Probably the worst joke I've heard this year ... can you do any better? (or worse!)

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. 'I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it.'
'When did you use this awful language?' asks the elder.
'Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.'
'Is that when you swore?'
'No, Mother,' says the nun. 'After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.'
'Is THAT when you swore?' asks the Mother Superior again.
'Well, no.' says the nun. 'You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!'
'Is THAT when you swore?' asks the amazed elder nun.
'No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.'
'Did you swear THEN?' asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
'No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about a foot from the hole.'
The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, 'You missed the fuckin' putt, didn't you?'

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He got his cock stuck in the chicken!

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside and said, "It's all right, honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

A country girl was taken out on her first date. The next morning her mother wanted to know all about it.

Mother: Did you 'ave a nice time last night, our Molly?
Molly: Oh. yes mother, I 'ad a lovely time. He took me to the pictures. It was ever so funny.
Mother: Funny? What happened?
Molly: Well, a few minutes after the film started, he put his hand up my skirt.
Mother: Oh? and what did you do?
Molly: Oh, I laughed!
Mother: Oh! and what happened next?
Molly: Well then he put his other hand down my blouse.
Mother: Gracious! What did you do then?
Molly: Oh, I laughed!
Mother: I see! And what happened next?
Molly: Then he put his hand in my knickers.
Mother: Oh my goodness! What did you do?
Molly: Oh I laughed!
Mother: But Molly, why did you laugh?
Molly: why, because my sweets were in my pocket all the time!


Sorry.I'll post no more.

How do U confuse a dickhead?

42

JDINTERACTIVE said:

How do you keep an asshole in suspense???

00769BAD said:

LOL!!!

The seven dwarves were in a sauna feeling happy.

So happy got up and left.

Why did the lion deliver the pony's speech?

Because the pony was a little hoarse.

OMJ