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It was been a rough night at work.

I finished what I am supposed to do nightly like I always do within an hour of my being here. After that, I finished watching “Van Wilder”. It had it’s funny moments, and Tara Reid. After that, I moved onto watching “Igby Goes Down”. Approximately 45 minutes into the film, my viewing enjoyment was interrupted by the sound of a car vehicle’s door being shut outside. I took off my headphones and stood up to see what was going on. Now, normally when someone parks outside where I work, I make an effort to inform those that cannot read for themselves that there is a sign directly in front of their face that clearly says NO PARKING ANYTIME. However, once I saw the vehicle in question, I waited until I heard the sound of the other door shutting and about 20 seconds after that, I walked out of where I work and took a good look at the vehicle.


It was a late model Lincoln Navigator, California plates. I could feel my adrenaline kick in as I smiled for the first time tonight at work. Normally what I do in these situations is call the non-emergency 911 number and call to have the car ticketed and towed. But not tonight. Tonight, would be a night for fun.

I walked back into the building, and into the office and reached under the counter and turned off the surveilance cameras. After I put on the latex gloves from the first-aid kit, I went for my weapon of choice: the Louisville Slugger baseball bat. As I walked back towards the door to exit the building, I felt myself transforming into Babe Ruth. I could not see into the other heavily tinted side or rear windows, so the only way to be sure there was nobody in the vehicle, I walked around to the front of it and strained to see into the windshield. Once secure in the knowledge that I wasn’t going to be shot right away for what I was about to do, I walked back to the driver’s side window, and swung for the fences.

The window shattered and fell neatly into a pile of glass on the sidewalk and gutter. I hopped up and reached in and opened the door. Once inside, I turned on the headlights. As the car alarm pierced both ear drums, I waited for the streetlight to turn green at the end of the block. As I waited, my hand went to... you guessed it: the emergency brake. With my body hanging halfway out of the vehicle, I turned the steering wheel until it was completely parallel with the street, and as the light turned green, I took a deep breath and lowered the emergency brake.

I fell out of the vehicle about half of the way down the block, knocking the wind out of me and scraping both knees and the wrist I fell on. I turned my head to the left and rested the right side of my face on the cool pavement as I watched the Sports Utility Vehicle, car alarm blaring, barrel down the hill.

3rd avenue... 2nd avenue... 1st avenue... Western... Alaskan... until it could go no further and crashed through the rail at the waterfront. I couldn’t see or hear the splash it made as it connected with the water, but I’m sure it was glorious.

I calmly stood up and brushed myself off. Walking back up towards where I work, I picked up my baseball bat and walked back into the bulding. I went into the office, slipped my bat back under the counter and grabbed the dustpan and broom. I went outside and swept up the glass from the broken window. As I swept up the last pebbles of glass, I realized what a terrible mistake I’d made.

What if that SUV had a full tank of gas? Imagine what it was doing to the underwater environment. I felt awful.

I went back inside and dumped the glass into the trashcan and went back into the office and began applying bandages. I sat back down in my chair, reached underneath it and pulled the lever to put it into a reclining position. I kicked my feet up onto the desk and pushed play on the dvd player and continued watching “Igby Goes Down”.

Just another typical graveyard shift here in downtown Seattle.

It that is true, then it's funniest fucking thing I have heard in ages. You have balls the size of big balls my friend. But at least you have a conscience

"What if that SUV had a full tank of gas? Imagine what it was doing to the underwater environment. I felt awful"

PREDOMINANT said:

:O

I hate SUV's, and the people driving them who think they own the road, are oblivious to law, and can park wherever they want.

Why do people spend all kinds of money on home improvements to conserve energy, recycle, etc... then go buy one of these gass guzzling beasts??

why? because its a major tax right off...my accountant keeps trying to get me to buy one...

I bought one because we have 5 people in our family plus a 110 lb dog and it is cheaper on gas when we vacation to take only one big vehicle as opposed to two smaller ones... we did the research and made the trip.














PROUD MEMBER OF THE 4F REJECTS
[This message was edited Mon Sep 15 12:27:39 PDT 2003 by butterfli25]

My KIA Sportage SUV is parked. Quietly waiting for me to take over the road again...

PEACE N B WiLD!!!

I really hope this is a joke.

probably being blown up by "peace" activists...


oh, you weren't really asking.

One less SUV in the Puget Sound region.

suomynona said:

the same thing happend to me tonight