REDFEATHERS said:

Someone's sexual history is a part of who they are, and if you are getting to know that person you will and should know these details anyway. It's not about judging anyone, nor should it be, but you should know what you are getting yourself into.

An example might be - a couple that have been together for 6 months might want to stop using condoms and use the contraceptive pill as their primary form of birth control. However, if either party has had had unprotected sex with several other people recently, that is an area of risk that cannot be ignored. Who they slept and who they slept with and who they slept with...

POOK said:

How many froggy babies have you been with Pook?

ian said:

Yes, it is a big dangerous pyramid we enter if we have unprotected sex, me may love and trust our partners but techincally we have slept with their past partners and their partners and so forth, that is really scary..but no matter how many partners we have slept with, we cannot count the amount of partners they have slept with etc etc...best get checked out, just to be on the safe side or take very good precautions..so is it really about numbers or safety? The number of partners no matter how many or few does not guarantee safety or fidelity.

REDFEATHERS said:

Read EvilWhiteMale's opening post and thread title again.
He is talking about starting a new relationship. I do not consider dating
as starting a new relationship. You are absolutely right that all this heavy
stuff can wait until two people decided to have serious interest in each
other. I was talking about such a situation.

In dating, a little mystery is nice

deMatthijs said:

I agree with you...I DID read the opening thread, I was just continuing what you first posted.

REDFEATHERS said:

Ok, we agree then

deMatthijs said:

YES!!!

I see three different things being discussed here: the number of people slept with, sexual behaviors and judging/evaluating a person by that number.

I think in dating or a new relationship, it's really important to know if the person has used condoms in the past and if they've been non-monogamous--or if they've been relatively "safe" and loyal. I'd want to know those things in order to know what that person might expect from me. I would NOT want to know (or necessarily be expected to give out myself) the exact number of people he's been with.

The example of 'would you date a (ex) porn star' was put out there: but that's a pretty extreme example that I don't believe is very relevant in people's lives. Most of us aren't talking about getting info from a porn star or stripper who was probably sexually abused and may have a personality disorder. We're just talking about somebody like you and me...

((This is all kinda funny, too, when you know P put himself out there big-time))

It's women, not men, who bend truth about sexual escapades

Russell Gates/The Arizona Republic

Would you take a polygraph test for your honey?

Eric Edwards
Orlando Sentinel
Jul. 22, 2003 12:00 AM



The truth is out about women.

When it comes to discussing their sexual pasts, it seems that females are more prone than males to bending the truth.

It's men who have historically been regarded as eager to embellish tales of their exploits to make them seem more, well, manly.

Women, it was felt, would be less likely to disclose their past intimacies for fear of being labeled with a scarlet letter.

While modern times have eased the burden we men feel about inflating our statistics, an Ohio State University study has found that women still prefer to fib about their sexual behavior.

When researchers at the university surveyed 200 18- to 25-year-old undergraduates, they were able to determine that women have a greater proclivity than men to spin their numbers in order to minimize the breadth of their experience.

This study you have been dying to read was published recently in the popular Journal of Sex Research and was inspired by one of the age-old questions of human sexuality: How is it possible, given the relative gender balance in this country, for heterosexual men to be having more sex partners than heterosexual women?

"Several of these well-established sex differences in sexual behavior are somewhat bewildering," the authors wrote. "Researchers have questioned the statistical improbability of men having more heterosexual intercourse partners than women."

The antiquated notion that a few exceptionally promiscuous women could be accountable for men being more sexually active apparently didn't hold much water with the researchers.

So they decided to separate their subjects into three categories to determine who was more likely to talk openly about sex.

The three groups were each surveyed in different ways.

The first was assured anonymity, the second was told the researchers would know their individual answers, and the third was told they would be anonymous but would be hooked up to a lie detector (they were not told that the lie detectors were not actually functioning).

What they found was that no matter what group the men were in, their answers did not tend to change, but the frequency of women 'fessing up to their pasts was predicated on their anonymity.

It's not as surprising that women would downplay their level of sexual interaction.

Men, it seems, have caught onto the idea that it is OK to be open and honest about their escapades whereas women still must feel that their purity is somehow called into question.

In time, that will change. Most men I know really don't care too much whether or not the woman they find attractive has ever been in an intimate relationship. And frankly, most of the adult women I know are not embarrassed to acknowledge their sexual pasts, missteps and all.

This is not to say there's anything thing wrong with having no sexual past at all. Many people choose that road. But to be deceitful about one's history shows a lack of self-confidence and maturity. And that's downright unattractive.

So I guess if I don't have a lie detetor I won't be getting a straight answer.
[This message was edited Tue Aug 26 9:39:54 PDT 2003 by sinisterpentatonic]

AnotherLoverToo said:

Why ya always gotta bring up Kobe? :LOL:

i dont think its a good idea too share about your past sexual experiences...

1) once you say it...it never gets to be taken back...

2) your partner will think of it again...probably at all the wrong times

3) if you are serious with the relationship...you dont need to 'prove' anything of this nature...the only thing you need too do is show your love the best you can



i for one have no interest in knowing how many women my man has been with...it only complicates things

justkelley said:

Amen

EvilWhiteMale said:

Absolutely, I want to know exactly who they are so I can go fuckem myself, just to even the score.

luv4u said:

yes they should...but,how romantic is that when u roll over & say "Hey hunny did u remember 2 get that AIDS test done so we can make hot passionate love?" i think u should get it done without even mentioning it & then if the topic arrises then u already have the answer 2 the question.

the reason why so many people end up in divorce is because they just straight up lie and front in the beginning of their relationships.

your past is a reflection of your present alot of the times. i myself must admit that i have had way too many partners to even count.

but it was out of issues i had to work out with professional help.

do you really think that someone that has had many partners is going to fess up to it honestly? no...

i think what's important to take into consideration also is the company your partner keeps. no matter what anyone says, it's so true that the people you surround yourself with are really who you are.

what's also important is to consider the age this person was being a whore. it's one thing to be young and naive, but to be older and irresponsible is unacceptable.

i have done everything humanly possible to change my ways because i have found someone that truly loves and has accepted me for the recovering trollop I used to be.

whorish behavior is something that's either in you, or it isn't. luckily for me, i've come to terms with it.

i thank GOD everyday for a second chance.

The numbers (combined with age) indicate how meaningful sexual intimacy is.
[This message was edited Tue Aug 26 14:40:24 PDT 2003 by KoolAid]

endorphin74 said:

ditto.

Hmmm...anyone here seen "Chasing Amy?" I think that movie proves that as soon as a relationship is getting serious, there should be a full disclosure on previous sexual partners. I know that I NEED to know how many other partners my lover has had. I'm not threatened by the quantity of previous partners she's had. I just NEED to know. A relationship is all about GOOD COMMUNICATION. If you can't discuss your sex life freely...you're in trouble.

lillith said:

co-ditto

ThaHumanBody said:

I think it's a good idea to take your partner to the clinic, both get tested together and get the results together. That way there's no doubt on anyone's mind.

It used 2 bother me but now it doesnt bother me at all 1 bit. Judging people on how many people they have had sex with is ridiculous. If I had more or less sexual partners than Hitler 4 example does that make me a better or worse person?

JDINTERACTIVE said:

oh JD you know i dont care if you used to be a big ass hoe

Girl i loved you for years

Christopher said:

Ur the best Ive ever had

You know something? I wouldn't wanna Know the numbers NO! I would just want to Know that they were Free from HIV, and any OTHER SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE. Other than that it's just Bragging on their part and I'd just Rather not KNOW!

no

Boy do I know who all the freaks are on this thread.