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So how many lovers have you had! Just curious. :Hmm2: | |
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less history more mystery...
i mean unless you got something then please let me know lol | |
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  -------------------------------------------------
MENACE TO SOBRIETY  | |
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Definately...
What is a relationship worth, if two people cannot share their pasts? Their past is what made them the person they are, and furthermore, is responsible for the attraction between the two individuals. I dare to say it is hypocritical and spineless not to confront each other with this kind of information. If you fear not being able to love the person as a whole, then it was not meant to be.  | |
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i dont need to ask...i can sus it out on "tightness" 
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sinisterpentatonic said:[quote] AnotherLoverToo said: sinisterpentatonic said: I have to know, it says a lot about their pesonality.
I admit that number will always be in your head, but it helps with the overall analysis. Sorry. Really? And you learned to analyze people at which accredited University?  Well not everybody needs to go to a university to learn common sense. It's not hard to figure out someones behavior pattern based on their past actions. If a girl told me that she's been with 50 guys in the last 5 years I'd probably think a number of things about her; unstable,freak,boderline personality disorder, who knows because there are also a lot of other factors that play a part in the conclusion i make.
Do you think a person can truly be known simply by being aware of that number? And are people to be accepted or denied by you forever based upon that number and your pre-judgement?  Talking from experience, most of the girls i've been with that have had a lot of partners before me were untrustworthy to say the least.I try to be non judgemental but that's hard for me, it's easy to blame things on youth but there comes a time when everyone is held accountable for their actions. Trust me I'm no saint, alot of women wouldn't want to know my past and the ones I have told seem to never get over it. Don't get me wrong if that's the way someone chooses to live so be it, I don't mind a freak but i realize that there's a slight chance of a long term relationship.You ARE being judgemental totally, you think a certain number is wrong so that person must be a freak or loose. Who are you to decide? And say if your cut off number was 8 ...8 partners is ok, what if she had had 10?  then that changes all???
It is nothing to do with her personality at all. this to do with YOUR personality and if you go about judging people from their past loves and losts, then it is you who is gonna lose at the end of the day... | |
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deMatthijs said: Definately...
What is a relationship worth, if two people cannot share their pasts? Their past is what made them the person they are, and furthermore, is responsible for the attraction between the two individuals. I dare to say it is hypocritical and spineless not to confront each other with this kind of information. If you fear not being able to love the person as a whole, then it was not meant to be. Yeah, but you really would say on a first date>>> get out all the nitty gritty there and then? Man, that is warped... 
Course you must be honest in a relationship, but questions like that come later...not right at the beginning, I would say... | |
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REDFEATHERS said: It is nothing to do with her personality at all. this to do with YOUR personality and if you go about judging people from their past loves and losts, then it is you who is gonna lose at the end of the day...
Hey, look at you, you are judging a person because he wants to know with how many people his partner had sex. 
We have all different criteria to pick partners. They may not all b very noble, or 'correct' or ... It's not like you condemn this person, it's just that you don't wanna live with them. And if number of past partners is part of that picture, than why not. After all it does show a different approach to sex and the sentiments you associate with it. Nothing bad about that, i'd say. "It's better 2 B hated 4 what U R than 2 B loved 4 what U R not."
My IQ is 139, what's yours? | |
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I think that in most cases it does matter how many people someone has been with before. Like somebody else said, it shows a pattern of behaviour. That behaviour usually has reasons that may or may not still remain. I´m definitely not saying it makes him or her a freak or borderline, but if someone has had a lot of sexual partners it might be relevant to figure out why. Is it because he/she has a strong sexual appetite (that the current partner might not be able to keep up with) or maybe it´s because he/she has a strong need for sexual variety (which may be a problem if the ambition is to have a monogamous relationship). | |
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SpcMs said: REDFEATHERS said: It is nothing to do with her personality at all. this to do with YOUR personality and if you go about judging people from their past loves and losts, then it is you who is gonna lose at the end of the day...
Hey, look at you, you are judging a person because he wants to know with how many people his partner had sex.
We have all different criteria to pick partners. They may not all b very noble, or 'correct' or ... It's not like you condemn this person, it's just that you don't wanna live with them. And if number of past partners is part of that picture, than why not. After all it does show a different approach to sex and the sentiments you associate with it. Nothing bad about that, i'd say.  Whatever, I mean this is a discussion forum, I am discussing, do I have to post IMO on every post I make???
I am just making a point here, course everyone is different, variety is the spice of life and that is what makes the world go round...if everyone was the same the world would be so boring, but hey, this is a good thread!  | |
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Vibrator said: I think that in most cases it does matter how many people someone has been with before. Like somebody else said, it shows a pattern of behaviour. That behaviour usually has reasons that may or may not still remain. I´m definitely not saying it makes him or her a freak or borderline, but if someone has had a lot of sexual partners it might be relevant to figure out why. Is it because he/she has a strong sexual appetite (that the current partner might not be able to keep up with) or maybe it´s because he/she has a strong need for sexual variety (which may be a problem if the ambition is to have a monogamous relationship).
AND all the other reasons you havent stated... | |
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No, I don't wanna know. | |
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REDFEATHERS said: Vibrator said: I think that in most cases it does matter how many people someone has been with before. Like somebody else said, it shows a pattern of behaviour. That behaviour usually has reasons that may or may not still remain. I´m definitely not saying it makes him or her a freak or borderline, but if someone has had a lot of sexual partners it might be relevant to figure out why. Is it because he/she has a strong sexual appetite (that the current partner might not be able to keep up with) or maybe it´s because he/she has a strong need for sexual variety (which may be a problem if the ambition is to have a monogamous relationship).
AND all the other reasons you havent stated... Sure, there are of course a lot of different reasons (some are better and some are worse). I merely pointed to two reasons that show it should be acceptable to want to find out about your partners sexual history since it can be significant. | |
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Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said: Vibrator said: I think that in most cases it does matter how many people someone has been with before. Like somebody else said, it shows a pattern of behaviour. That behaviour usually has reasons that may or may not still remain. I´m definitely not saying it makes him or her a freak or borderline, but if someone has had a lot of sexual partners it might be relevant to figure out why. Is it because he/she has a strong sexual appetite (that the current partner might not be able to keep up with) or maybe it´s because he/she has a strong need for sexual variety (which may be a problem if the ambition is to have a monogamous relationship).
AND all the other reasons you havent stated... Sure, there are of course a lot of different reasons (some are better and some are worse). I merely pointed to two reasons that show it should be acceptable to want to find out about your partners sexual history since it can be significant. But they shouldnt have to be questioned or justified, the person should be interested in theperson they are dating for who they are now, not what has gone on in the past | |
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REDFEATHERS said: the person should be interested in theperson they are dating for who they are now, not what has gone on in the past Don´t you think a person´s present in many ways is a consequence of his or her past? I don´t think it is a bad thing to look the past to understand the present. On the contrary, it can help us forgive, gain insight and be better prepared for some of the problems that might arise. Same things goes for other areas where we use history to understand the present. It´s an old method that´s pretty useful sometimes. I do get your point though. We shouldn´t have to "stand trial" for things we´ve put behind us. I´m just saying it can be useful to have a certain awareness of the past. Lord knows the world would be a better place if we had remembered and learned from all the wars that have destroyed so many people´s lives. It might be an unfair comparison, but the basic point is the same. | |
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I think it is absolutely important to know these details about your partner. Not for judgemental reasons, but to know what you are signing yourself up for with regard to risk of STDs etc.
Unless you are the sort of person that sends your partner off for an AIDS test before you'll sleep with them, I think it is quite reasonable to get a rough idea of their sexual history. Not very romantic I know, but necessary. I've always been honest and open about my sexual history when I meet someone new, I think it is important. | |
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ian said: I think it is absolutely important to know these details about your partner. Not for judgemental reasons, but to know what you are signing yourself up for with regard to risk of STDs etc.
People can and will lie, ian.Unless you are the sort of person that sends your partner off for an AIDS test before you'll sleep with them, I think it is quite reasonable to get a rough idea of their sexual history. Not very romantic I know, but necessary. I've always been honest and open about my sexual history when I meet someone new, I think it is important. | |
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Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said: the person should be interested in theperson they are dating for who they are now, not what has gone on in the past Don´t you think a person´s present in many ways is a consequence of his or her past? I don´t think it is a bad thing to look the past to understand the present. On the contrary, it can help us forgive, gain insight and be better prepared for some of the problems that might arise. Same things goes for other areas where we use history to understand the present. It´s an old method that´s pretty useful sometimes. I do get your point though. We shouldn´t have to "stand trial" for things we´ve put behind us. I´m just saying it can be useful to have a certain awareness of the past. Lord knows the world would be a better place if we had remembered and learned from all the wars that have destroyed so many people´s lives. It might be an unfair comparison, but the basic point is the same. I think trust, honesty and being faithful is MORE important. Yeah tou can meet someone who has had 2 partners but is a born cheat or liar and irresponsible, or someone who has had 10 partners been safe with sex, careful and will not stray out of the relationship. Are we getting somewhere now?
And I agree, people have pasts, good and bad, fortunate and mot so fortunate, but I think the safe sex aspect, honesty, integrity, morals and high standards of that person far outweighs a number. | |
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stymie said: ian said: I think it is absolutely important to know these details about your partner. Not for judgemental reasons, but to know what you are signing yourself up for with regard to risk of STDs etc.
People can and will lie, ian.Unless you are the sort of person that sends your partner off for an AIDS test before you'll sleep with them, I think it is quite reasonable to get a rough idea of their sexual history. Not very romantic I know, but necessary. I've always been honest and open about my sexual history when I meet someone new, I think it is important. Too true stymie, isnt it better to get to know the person, what kind of person they are before asking questions and then jumping into bed with them cos they seem ok, in "your book"? Hell we are living in 2003 yet some people are acting very Victorian here...(yes you can asl, but as you say people lie, I would rather get to know what kind of p[erson I am with before I jump into bed with them rather than just going by a number (which is what this thread is all about)) ok what if you lived in the swinging 60's 70's where it was all about free love and sex? I dont judge someone cos they have slept around... Or had a wild time at university? Sought love but got only sex in return?
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REDFEATHERS said: Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said: the person should be interested in theperson they are dating for who they are now, not what has gone on in the past Don´t you think a person´s present in many ways is a consequence of his or her past? I don´t think it is a bad thing to look the past to understand the present. On the contrary, it can help us forgive, gain insight and be better prepared for some of the problems that might arise. Same things goes for other areas where we use history to understand the present. It´s an old method that´s pretty useful sometimes. I do get your point though. We shouldn´t have to "stand trial" for things we´ve put behind us. I´m just saying it can be useful to have a certain awareness of the past. Lord knows the world would be a better place if we had remembered and learned from all the wars that have destroyed so many people´s lives. It might be an unfair comparison, but the basic point is the same. I think trust, honesty and being faithful is MORE important. Yeah tou can meet someone who has had 2 partners but is a born cheat or liar and irresponsible, or someone who has had 10 partners been safe with sex, careful and will not stray out of the relationship. Are we getting somewhere now?
And I agree, people have pasts, good and bad, fortunate and mot so fortunate, but I think the safe sex aspect, honesty, integrity, morals and high standards of that person far outweighs a number. | |
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REDFEATHERS said: I think trust, honesty and being faithful is MORE important.
You´re mixing apples and oranges. Everything you mentioned is important, sure. But we were actually discussing whether or not it is motivated to want to know about your partners sexual history, right?. To ask him/her about that doesn´t have any connection to how you value trust and honesty. A person who´s had a lot of partners may or may not be honest and may or may not still be influenced by their previous pattern of sexual behaviour. The two things don´t really have anything to do with each other. | |
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stymie said: REDFEATHERS said: Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said: the person should be interested in theperson they are dating for who they are now, not what has gone on in the past Don´t you think a person´s present in many ways is a consequence of his or her past? I don´t think it is a bad thing to look the past to understand the present. On the contrary, it can help us forgive, gain insight and be better prepared for some of the problems that might arise. Same things goes for other areas where we use history to understand the present. It´s an old method that´s pretty useful sometimes. I do get your point though. We shouldn´t have to "stand trial" for things we´ve put behind us. I´m just saying it can be useful to have a certain awareness of the past. Lord knows the world would be a better place if we had remembered and learned from all the wars that have destroyed so many people´s lives. It might be an unfair comparison, but the basic point is the same. I think trust, honesty and being faithful is MORE important. Yeah tou can meet someone who has had 2 partners but is a born cheat or liar and irresponsible, or someone who has had 10 partners been safe with sex, careful and will not stray out of the relationship. Are we getting somewhere now?
And I agree, people have pasts, good and bad, fortunate and mot so fortunate, but I think the safe sex aspect, honesty, integrity, morals and high standards of that person far outweighs a number. 
Cool..  Yes me too, I am loyal, never cheated on anyone, careful, trustworthy, I know how I come cross on the forums does not reflect how I am in real life, I am a very private person and when it comes to me and my partner I am totally honest, I dont bullshit or lie. I would just find it a bit strange if someone came and asked me outright how many people I had slept with (not enough I would say ) but hell, if that person I love and trust asked me for the correct reasons, I would give an honest answer... | |
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Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said: I think trust, honesty and being faithful is MORE important.
You´re mixing apples and oranges. Everything you mentioned is important, sure. But we were actually discussing whether or not it is motivated to want to know about your partners sexual history, right?. To ask him/her about that doesn´t have any connection to how you value trust and honesty. A person who´s had a lot of partners may or may not be honest and may or may not still be influenced by their previous pattern of sexual behaviour. The two things don´t really have anything to do with each other. you are going round in circles now, I have posted my opinions on the matter and I think I have said enough. | |
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REDFEATHERS said: Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said: I think trust, honesty and being faithful is MORE important.
You´re mixing apples and oranges. Everything you mentioned is important, sure. But we were actually discussing whether or not it is motivated to want to know about your partners sexual history, right?. To ask him/her about that doesn´t have any connection to how you value trust and honesty. A person who´s had a lot of partners may or may not be honest and may or may not still be influenced by their previous pattern of sexual behaviour. The two things don´t really have anything to do with each other. you are going round in circles now, I have posted my opinions on the matter and I think I have said enough.I´m not going around in circles, I´m just sticking with the subject of this thread. You´re starting a whole new discussion. | |
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Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said: Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said: I think trust, honesty and being faithful is MORE important.
You´re mixing apples and oranges. Everything you mentioned is important, sure. But we were actually discussing whether or not it is motivated to want to know about your partners sexual history, right?. To ask him/her about that doesn´t have any connection to how you value trust and honesty. A person who´s had a lot of partners may or may not be honest and may or may not still be influenced by their previous pattern of sexual behaviour. The two things don´t really have anything to do with each other. you are going round in circles now, I have posted my opinions on the matter and I think I have said enough.I´m not going around in circles, I´m just sticking with the subject of this thread. You´re starting a whole new discussion.  | |
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REDFEATHERS said: 
Ok, you asked for it: EMOTICON WAR!!! | |
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Vibrator said: REDFEATHERS said:
Ok, you asked for it: EMOTICON WAR!!!
I have said enough here, you dont like what I say ok, but I dont need to spell it out more, lets agree to let it go now.. and btw...    | |
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stymie said: ian said: I think it is absolutely important to know these details about your partner. Not for judgemental reasons, but to know what you are signing yourself up for with regard to risk of STDs etc.
People can and will lie, ian.Unless you are the sort of person that sends your partner off for an AIDS test before you'll sleep with them, I think it is quite reasonable to get a rough idea of their sexual history. Not very romantic I know, but necessary. I've always been honest and open about my sexual history when I meet someone new, I think it is important. True enough, but there's nothing we can do about that except try to associate with more honest people | |
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ian said: stymie said: ian said: I think it is absolutely important to know these details about your partner. Not for judgemental reasons, but to know what you are signing yourself up for with regard to risk of STDs etc.
People can and will lie, ian.Unless you are the sort of person that sends your partner off for an AIDS test before you'll sleep with them, I think it is quite reasonable to get a rough idea of their sexual history. Not very romantic I know, but necessary. I've always been honest and open about my sexual history when I meet someone new, I think it is important. True enough, but there's nothing we can do about that except try to associate with more honest people | |
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REDFEATHERS said:
Damn! I always lose those damn emoticon wars... I gotta improve my arsenal some day. | |
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