Ok, I'm writing this here as I have a big group of very close friends who don't really know about this situation, so its a bit difficult to talk to them about it..

I have been the best of friends with this person since I was about 14-so about 10 years and up until about a year and a half ago we were like the very very best of friends. We went to a friends birthday and had a very passionate kiss on the dancefloor..to the complete shock of our other friends. Since then this had been a very regular occurance, dispite both of us having other relationships/dating we always seem to end up having a discreet kiss here and there or whatever. I just don't know what to do as we can't seem to stop, but never talk about it. I keep thinking that it is wrong to carry on and that this time will be the last etc, but a few weeks go by and bang it happens again.

Our friendship has been a bit strained by it,but over the past few months we have got comfortable again and I was thinking great we can just be friends and no complications when it has happened every time we have seen each other and kind of in a more serious way if ya know what I mean.. Should I just carry on letting this happen or should I try and sort something out? I just think a relationship would be too weird, but why does it keep on happening? are we absolute nutters!?

Despite what people say this can work, keep it as open and honest as you can. The problems come if either of you start wanting more out of it, jealousy kicks in and things get messy. So clear the air, keep things cool, and next time it happens enjoy and clear the air the next day again. Takes me back, love it :MrGreen:
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[This message was edited Fri Aug 22 4:07:55 PDT 2003 by PREDOMINANT]

Sounds like a fun thing, wouldn't worry about it. But if it bothers you or you think there could be more behind it, sort it out.

If Ur both not dating people then personally I dont see any harm in it. Thats if U both enjoy it of cause. If U dont than U can just as easily stop it. The reason why I suggest that its nothing 2 worry about is cuz Ur best friends and thus U care deeply and R attracted 2 each other. Ive been in a similar situation as be4. If this guy is Ur friend and U feel uncomfortable then Im sure he will understand if he's a decent guy. If its straining Ur relationship than talk about it.

PREDOMINANT said:

Yeah, it is kinda cool as we don't seem to care that we have other people in our lives as I guess we 'loved' each other from way back. Just had some fun tent tent action at V festival this weekend

I should'nt worry about it should I ? were not breakin no laws

ladymisskat said:

"Tent action", sounds good!

PREDOMINANT said:

Ur so camp.

be very careful...although it is very nice to have both a lover and a best friend in one, it could cause your friendship to go in the shitter. i speak from experience. i had a crush on my best male friend for approx. 5 years when i finally found the courage to tell him. things seemed to be going great for awhile and then we stopped having 'relations'. unfortunatly it broke my heart and our friendship hasn't been the same since. that was a year ago and it really hurts me to not have him in my life much anymore...so the only bit of advice i can give you is to follow your heart but first figure out what is more important to you...the friendship...or a possible shag??? if it can evolve into a relationship (if thats what BOTH of you want), then i'm sure it will probably be the best relationship of your life...but if its nothing more than sex, don't risk it...you have too much to lose. you two need to have a serious talk as to why this is happening...


good luck

Well, it's a festival, gotta get some of that tent action haven't you? otherwise it would be a festival!

lillith said:

Thanks That's what I'm scared might happen.. Just...can't..stop..!! Oh dear oh dear
[This message was edited Fri Aug 22 4:15:10 PDT 2003 by ladymisskat]

JDINTERACTIVE said:

[This message was edited Fri Aug 22 4:15:14 PDT 2003 by PREDOMINANT]

PREDOMINANT said:

Camp as row of tents with fairy lights on

ladymisskat said:

...At Christmas

mmm, jingle bells

JDINTERACTIVE said:

I was sooo trying to keep this subject serious..

ladymisskat said:

Sorry Kat.

ladymisskat said:

Too late for seriousness, you enjoyin' yourself Happy Cristmas

4 words

Do

The

Damn


Thang!!

What thang? the wild thang?

there is no such thing as legetimate friends between male and female heterosexuals. i define friends as 2 people who do things together when they don't have to. (that guy and girl who know each other from work that don't hang out on their own time don't count). i understand most women and some men think i am wrong. but i have a test; ladies who don't believe me, next time your close friend "bill" and you are alone, reach over and unzip his fly and try to give him head. if he is truly your friend, he will immediately rebuff your attempts and exclaim "but we're just friends!" then you will be proven right and alas, i will be proven wrong.if a straight male friend of "bills" did this to him, he would react just like this, so you, as his good female friend should get the same reaction, right?
my point is, the reason "bill" is hanging around you, is that he is waiting for that "moment to pounce" and will do so the second he knows he can.there are a lot of guys and girls that spend time together as "alleged friends", and nothing sexual ever happens. however rest assured that almost always the guy, and sometimes the girl, or occasionally both, want much more.

May I suggest that you enjoy your relationship wherever it is, or naturally goes, and not worry about what The Rules, or other people, say it should be? You might also consider reading an excellent little book called The Ethical Slut.

LSUFAN said:

Co-sign I totally agree

LSUFAN said:

This is totally off-base. COMPLETELY.

Moonbeam said:

It's pretty horrific and untrue.

cborgman said:

I have MANY, MANY female friends and I have never dreamt of abusing our closeness by making a sexual advance. The temptation has never come to my mind, either. I guess some people just are only sexually wired. Thankfully, I'm not one of them.

ladymisskat said:[quote]

Kat, I've been TOTALLY in this situation before. I had a female "friend" who I had a very sexual relationship with. We knew we weren't compatible in a boyfriend/girlfriend way; she's a Protestant and I'm a lapsed Protestant. But for several years there were occasions when we would exploit the whole "friends with benefits" bit.

We had perfect understanding and there was no awkwardness between us, but explaining the arrangement to our future partners was mutually uncomfortable. She said her fiance was a bit shocked when she told him about the "arrangement," but being as we never did anything after they got engaged, he understood.

Just know this--if you and your friend are comfortable with it and are BOTH in agreement as to the nature of the relationship, then canoodle away. But if you do eventually have a commited relationship with someone, it will be awkward to explain (and be prepared for your partner to be VERY jealous of your friend.)

cborgman said:

Yeah, what they said. I'm all for sleeping with your friends if you wanna, but I've had several male friends, and have some currently, who I'm dead positive would not get into a sexual relationship with me. Not because they think they couldn't, not because they aren't into women, but because we are JUST FRIENDS.

tackam said:

tackam, i assume you are a female by your response, and i respectfully encourage you to try my "test" on your "very good" STRAIGHT male friends. i would love to be proven wrong on this.

Ugh, girl don't go there. This same thing happened to me, more or less and it all turned to a disaster. I had been friends with him for 10 years and then we started dating and having "relations". Turns out he was much better as just a friend and now I'm having some serious issues with him. It's hard, sooo hard and it's tearing me apart. Now I'm dealing with suicide threats and he's scaring the shit out of me. We'll never be able to be friends again and it's sad, very sad.

Granted this may not happen to you, I HOPE this never happens to you but it just shows that sometimes friends should just be friends...ya know?

Good luck.

LSUFAN said:

Of course it is possible! We (women) are not sexually attracted to every male we encounter, just as men are not attracted to every female and to assume that this is the case is wrong.


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[This message was edited Sat Aug 23 9:31:41 PDT 2003 by Lleena]