(AnotherLover's thread made me think of this...)

I asked this before a looong time ago...lol...but I'll ask again today:

There are 5 ways in which we feel loved, appreciated and valued by our lovers/mates/partners...

Words...Hearing/reading how much someone loves and adores you makes you feel & tell yourself you are indeed loved...

Touch...Hugs, backrubs, holding hands, soft touches...those types of things. Feeling your love's hands/body touching you makes you feel loved and appreciated.

Gifts...Not just gifts on "special" occasions, but all the time, out of the blue...flowers, a card, tickets to the Dodgers game, earrings, a new coffee mug...anything and everything that's "given" to you "just because" gives you that feeling of being loved and adored.

Space...Sharing "space" together, whether it be watching TV together, reading in the same room, going shopping together...whatever...just having that person "with" you makes you feel loved and valued.

Acts...Anything that's done "for" you...washing your car, making you dinner, cleaning up around the house without being asked, bringing you a beer...just having someone "do" something for you gives you that warm feeling of knowing you are truly loved.

What's interesting is that we tend to express our love for our mates in the exact same way in which we ourselves feel loved and appreciated (in other words, someone who feels loved thru "space" shared may not say "I love you", but will spend their time sharing space as their way of showing their love and appreciation).

Each one of these things is an equally valid way of feeling loved, so there's no "right" or "wrong"...so if you were asked to rank each of these 5 ways of feeling loved and valued (#1 being what effects you the most, #5 being what effects you the least), how would you rank them?

For me:

1) Touch...An out-of-the-blue caress of my arm or face does something to my heart......Hugs, holding hands, backrubs all work with me...lol Every type of touch...

2) Acts...When someone actually takes time out of their day and uses their energy to do something for me (as opposed to doing something for "us" or for themselves), I definitely feel amazingly appreciated & valued... ...doesn't have to be anything big, either...I hate asking anyone to do anything for me, it feels like I'm asking them to "love" me (especially if they say "ok" and then never do it...)...so when someone does something for me completely on their own, it feels beautiful...

3) Words...I'm a sucker for hearing "I love you"(and all variations thereof...lol)...and not just hearing the words, but hearing/seeing/feeling their love in their tone of voice, in their body language, in their facial expressions...but if the other two above are in evidence, I can do without hearing the words as much.

4) Gifts...I'm not all that much on gifts...I like 'em, but they aren't necessary. What I think I like most about gifts is thinking of that person shopping for me, imagining them walking thru store after store looking at things they want me to have......as well as just having the gift to look at/hold, and remember the love they shared in that way. ..

5) Space...While I love sharing "space", I've found that I can still feel loved and valued even if that person is elsewhere (as long as some of the other ways were constantly given life)...if the other 4 ways above weren't there but they were always around me, I doubt I'd feel loved...I'd probably wonder why they were hangin' around...lol...

Okey doke...who wants to be next?...lol

it's all in the...

lungs

blood

and brain

MONEY :MRGREEN:

Chico319 said:

especially other peoples money

Ardeo said:

for now anyway..

..

space.. to share our time together with each other

touch.. to feel let caress

acts.. the truth shines through our actions and thoughts

words.. digging her flow, pushing my soul and senses into new dimensions

gifts.. gifts are cool as long as they are not a substitute for any of the above

..

Wow, Byron, I totally remember talking about this with you about a year ago! Time flies!

1. Acts My experience with many people has been full of lovely but empty words, rather than behaviors that show love and appreciation. The smallest acts mean so much, which is why I'm so big on calls/emails, someone showing up on time (or calling to let me know they'll be late), asking me my opinion or being polite--it shows me I'm being thought of.

2. Space I think that because I have tended to "love from afar", lol, or not have my love returned in the same manner, I am hungry for proximity with those I care for. My family, well, for some reason space is not so important I have been away from them for quite a bit of my life, and it's been ok.

3. Touch Very similar reasons to #2. In fact, I'd say touch and space go together for me--if I'm near someone I love, and I know they wouldn't mind, I must touch them. Not suffocatingly, lol, but that "skin hunger" is there I love giving backrubs and facials or foot massages, because I love knowing I'm able to give someone relaxation and physical pleasure.

Last weekend, I was with my 6 yr old nephew and couldn't keep myself from lightly scratching his back, or arms, or ruffling his hair, or picking him up in my arms. Luckily, he loves it and indulged me

4. Words Although it embarrasses me to no end to be given compliments, and although I've been burned believing those 'sweet nothings' whispered in my ear, I'm still a sucker for being told nice, kind, loving things.

5. Gifts The simplest of gestures, anything to show me that I was on their mind, is always appreciated. It's not about the cost, it's about the person and the feelings behind the gift and gesture.

The words thank you make me feel appreciated... I just know when i am loved!

silkyspread said:

Thank you, beautiful lady, you are appreciated! kiss me!

1) space: i love sharing space with my partner, and it doesnt mean that we actually have to be in the same city either, though of course i prefer it to always be that way. sometimes our careers can be such that you have to allow away time and then be creative in using your time together to push, grow and elevate. to me its more about the act of taking time with each other and making sure that the time spent is balanced and true. i am as close to my man when we are together as i am when we are miles apart and i love every moment of space we share.

2) touch: i am still amazed each and every time he touches me. the energy and power when he holds my hand, touches my face or runs his mouth along my spine. there is nothing like being touched by someone who has mastered his own insecurites and whose love is pure and true. so many ppl never know this kind of feel. i value it each and every moment.

3) act: the purity of thought when he does for me is beautiful, it never fails to leave me speechless. the intent in which the acts are given could never leave anyone wondering that they were deeply loved.

4) words: expression of his soul feel for me through incredible communication, poetry, and beyond that complete comprehesion of how i feel, act and respond. i appreciate his deep wisdom of self so that his words reflect his thoughts clear and true.

5) gifts: i am not into grand gestures, i am blessed that i can provide myself with any and everything that my heart desires materially. what i do love is that my partner is thoughtful, generous and sentimental. that he thinks of me often and then expresses himself in beautiful, creative ways.

btw, byron, great thread!

a hug makes me feel great.

TonyWilliams said:

Tony and a

orgnotes

Unexpected Phonecalls

notes or cards for no reason

small thing are most important to me, like hugs, or touching just because.

I dont need flowers or candlelight dinners, a simple thank you at the right time is all I ask.

to me it's all the little day to day things that add up to mean something
[This message was edited Sun Aug 10 14:15:08 PDT 2003 by Sweeny79]

This...

iridescence said:

Couldn't agree more...

Moonbeam said:

Wow... ...Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful photo, Moonbeam... ...I feel love just lookin' at it...lol

Moonbeam said:

Tracy and Ian, Tracy and Ian!

Byron said:

Isn't she beautiful? I miss those eyes.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Isn't love amazing?

Moonbeam said:

Can I be Ur boyfriend and her girlfriend?

JDINTERACTIVE said:

I'll have to ask her.

Byron said:

Moonbeam said:

Awww!



At least I get the go-ahead from U which is 1/2 way there!

Moonbeam said:

I bet you do...

Love , is indeed beautiful...

Byron said:

I miss the way they look at me, the way they glow in the lights of the night, the way they gaze at me from the passenger side of the car, the way they rest when she's sleeping, etc.

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

I wish you could have met her.

please send all your moonbeam levels 2 me...

Moonbeam said:

Amazing, isn't it...driving, sleeping, small reflections of the moon & stars...all the seemingly "small" things within life can beautifully take a hold of your heart and soul, when those things are experienced thru the presence of someone you love...

I hope you guys take advantage of seeing each other again soon...

Byron said:

Four months and counting until those eyes are looking at me again. What a privilege THAT is, just to have her gaze at me.