Amid minutes and minutes of ongoing work and quickened by concern over impending global “gay overload,” the biologists of Lammastide Bioscience Ltd. are compiling a record of the world’s known gay species. A taxonomy of lesbians and bisexuals will follow.

We are yet in the initial stages of amassing our information, and new classifications are requested from corresponding researchers. Our first wave of identifications are as follows:

EDIT: To more accurately reflect the names by which these species are regionally known, some common names have been revised.

The Pretty Boy, Common Dandy, Homo prada prada

This species of homosexual is known for an affinity for chic couture and all things fabulous. Largely nocturnal and indigenous to the entertainment and shopping districts of major metropolitan areas, these gays, with glazed hair, are in some ways the barnacles of the homosexual family, often existing in a symbiotic relation of physical attentiveness-for-nutritional (and monetary) support with more mature gays undergoing the sugar daddy instar.
[This message was edited Fri Aug 8 11:22:02 PDT 2003 by Lammastide]

The Aesthete, Literati magnasnot

Markedly confident yet often discreetly insecure, the aesthetes of the gay world are society’s premier gatekeepers of high culture. Ever enroute from wine bars to gallery showings to operas, aesthetes are often revered by straights and gays alike for their literacy and refinement. But despite wide adoration, aesthetes often engage in only seasonal matings, or live solitarily – with a menagerie of cats or exotic pets – because they rarely love another human as much as they love themselves and their erudite existence.

Transvestites, Crossdressers, Drag Queens, Anima Adorna
Transexuals, Anima switcheroo

These closely related species of homosexuals are born so in touch with their feminine side that they opt moreso than other gays to visibly celebrate it. While transvestites settle for the occasional raid of Victoria’s Secret, transexuals routinely amass sufficient wherewithal to actually buy female plumbing one day. A staple diet for both species consists of estrogen supplements.
[This message was edited Fri Aug 8 11:17:18 PDT 2003 by Lammastide]

The Str8-Acting Gay, Fagus incognitos

The Str8-Acting homosexual is often mistaken for its close cousin homo sapien. With deeply similar traits – either by design or default – the Str8-Acting gay sometimes claims a female mate, but frequently can be identified upon close observation by its showy hatred of other gays or its frequenting of gyms, 25-cent adult bookstore “arcades,” fraternity functions, contact sporting events, highway rest stops and gay internet chatrooms “…just to have a laugh” or out of “curiosity.”

The Butch, Incognitus caricaturus

The Butch gay is all about masculine praise. With a deep appreciation of traditionally male trappings, butches are frequently drawn to and/or are personally imitative of uniformed male roles and archetypes more than much else – cops, cowboys, bikers, bears (big hairy men), construction workers, truckers, athletes, etc. NOTE: Despite overcompensation of traditional male gender roles in most activities, butches usually exhibit nelly behavior during the mating ritual – squealing like sugar-filled toddlers, for example.

The Nelly, Queen, Flamer, Poofta, Mary, Ignitus regina

Perhaps the most celebrated homosexual species, the highly domesticated nelly makes a great pet – especially to human heterosexual women. They’re energetic; social; highly presentational in dress, demeanor, speech and grooming; and their sometimes fiery temperament is easily calmed with a visit to the hair salon and a nice candle-lit bubble bath, apricot facial and hour of Lifetime Television for Women. Scientists believe this species of gay men is mostly closely related biologically to the female H. Sapien, but God only knows what happened to trigger the onset of this wily species. Still, we all love them. NOTE: Prolonged exposure to the nelly can cause "Fag Haggedy" in hetero women.
[This message was edited Fri Aug 8 11:38:55 PDT 2003 by Lammastide]

The Project, Queerus Fantasia (also known as honorary gays)

These homosexuals think they’re really straight humans and need the assistance of other gays to truly find themselves. Usually stunningly attractive, muscular and gainfully employed, these unrealized specimens often find themselves in a tug-of-war between gay men and straight human women, often leading their entire lives as *gasp* straight! (Those poor, poor boys. We gays know otherwise. ) Alcohol and/or narcotics often trigger rapid sexual maturity in Project Gays.
[This message was edited Fri Aug 8 11:23:07 PDT 2003 by Lammastide]

Lammastide said:

dayumn... and to think by colaborating with Elton helped his character...






the he should be ashamed for being ashamed edit
[This message was edited Thu Aug 7 16:40:56 PDT 2003 by pejman]

very nice work. Kudos to Lammastide Bioscience Ltd. I look forward to your further studies.

Arrgh.. just when i was getting going, I have to run an errand.

OK, fellow scientists, hold down the fort!

The...oh, never mind...Too Many Orgus Threadsus

Gay male??? Is that like e-mail, but just with better clothes???

The Classic English Gay...Have a potato! Ooooh!

Anxiety said:

Anxiety said:

Prince gay? oh HELL NAW!

The Mother, Maternis proxy

Most gay males have had, at some point in their development, a gay mother. This mentor takes it upon "herself" to look out for the welfare of other lesser experienced homosexuals in her community. Sometimes she simply offers advice. Sometimes an emergency place to sleep. Sometimes money or a meal. Sometimes a much-needed ass-whipping. Because of her self-sacrificing nature, the gay mother is often showered in protective attentiveness by the various gays whom she has nurtured. In certain cases (usually in African American and Latino communities of larger cities), those "children" have been observed to form a sort of proxy family unit, called a "house," and collectively take on the figurative surname name of their common gay mother.
[This message was edited Fri Aug 8 11:25:38 PDT 2003 by Lammastide]

The Twink, Emacia skin n bonus

This species of homosexual is known for its long, slim hairless build. Because of the twink's youthful appearance, it is often prey to older gays with voracious carnivorous appetites. Still, some other gay species show great indifference -- sometimes repulsion -- toward twinks, opting for types that appear of legal mating age and carry more meat.

The Confused, Omnisexual, Indecisivis appetitis

This species of homosexual is known for its peculiar cyclical interactions with hetero sexual humans of the opposite sex. Researchers don't quite know why attraction to opposite sex specimens waxes and wanes or, even more mysterious, why those female humans would be attracted and secure with this species... but when you got it like that, you just got it like that.
[This message was edited Fri Aug 8 11:35:46 PDT 2003 by Lammastide]

The Monogamous, Faithful, Pipe dreamatorus

We've heard of this species, but it's never actually been found.

AWESOME THREAD! FIVE STARS!!!

Lammastide said:

Lammastide said:

i am the last of the monogamists
[This message was edited Fri Aug 8 6:39:22 PDT 2003 by cborgman]

cborgman said:

liar

your a big ol' whore!

Lammastide said:

endorphin74 said:

only on the org!

JDINTERACTIVE said:

come out, come out, whoever you are...

cborgman said:

ok, so in the real world you'll be able to love me and only me?

endorphin74 said:

as long as you leave your man.
in real life, i went through a very long whore phase where i was all about playing the "seduce them str8 boys" game (and winning), but now i am much much more relationship oriented. and i am proud to say that even during my whory years, i have never cheated when i was dating someone.

cborgman said:

you're such a good kitty

how's it that your single again? do people have no sense down there?

endorphin74 said:

well, my love, while sweet, is toxic, which does tend to scare off a lot of people. and you know that unless you are a waif, you get no love in the gay world, and at a stocky 220, i am no waif.