If someone has been brought up in a violent family, does that person become violent too?

I have known of 2 people where the case is definitely "yes", so does a leopard really change its spots or is violence the only thing these people know?


Serious replies only.

REDFEATHERS said:

I have a guy who works with me and he had parents who were violent towards him and his brother

Now he has two kids but would never in a million yrs dream of laying a finger on them!

When he asked his parents why they acted like they did the response he got was "we didnt know any better thats what our parents did too"

So his parents followed the pattern but he didnt!

On the other hand though the guy is one mean character if he feels wronged in anyway so the violence is there with him i guess.

yo, "RED"


>>>I have known of 2 people where the case is definitely "yes", so does a leopard really change its spots or is violence the only thing these people know?<<<


"BINGO"


(great post ...btw )

Sadly, the two cases I know about, (male) they are still very violent, and doesnt matter which sex they kick out at.

It is a shame really.

It is never good to generalise but I think in this case it is hard to know what is right or wrong when you have only ever seen wrong. Having said that, I think that spot changing is always possible though with the right impetus.

Soapstone said:

I agree, I am not generalising, just asking peoples opinions.

I only wish these two people could be helped, but as they are still actively violent now, I cannot see them changing so drastically in the very near future.

>>>the two cases I know about, (male) they are still very violent, and doesnt matter which sex they kick out at.<<<


That's too bad.


But,Have U really had a GOOD look at "GRAND THEFT AUTO" ??
(playstation 2)

The lines of reality are Completely Blurred ...
( for young & old kids alike )


Tsk,tsk...

Being raised in a violent family does not necessarily make a person into a violent offender, although there is a greater chance of violent behavior from a person who was raised in an abusive family. There have been many extremely violent people who have come from totally non-violent families and there have been many non-violent people who come from extremely violent families. There is no steadfast rule to how a child will develop, but living in unfavorable conditions is certainly harmful.

IceNine said:

I agree.

I think kicking out at someone through anger alone is bad enough, but to strike a woman??? That is pure cowardice..

Depends on the person. I think if you grow up in a violent or abusive environment, you cannot avoid inheriting at least some some negative traits (such as a short temper) from your parents in that regard. However of course many people are not doomed to repeat the mistakes of their parents - many people are capable of recognising and learning to live with such tendencies, and can "break the cycle" of abuse.

We all have tempers... and we all have a capacity for violence which we deal with in different ways. Violent tendencies are not necessarily unhealthy, but acting on them can be of course.

It really depends on the person and how they deal with their issues. They may notice when they are dangerously close to repeating the behaviour they suffered in childhood and that reminder can trigger an alarm bell to make them stop. Not everyone is that strong of course, which is why a lot of parents who abuse their children were themselves abused as children etc.

REDFEATHERS said:

Change will never be drastic/sudden. It would take a lot of time and patience from someone who cares about them to make little improvements to character over a long period of time. If they feel guilt or remorse after bouts of violence then they are probably easier to help than those who get a kick out of being aggressive.

I think this is kinda the same question as "If a person has alcoholic parents, are they more prone to become alcoholics themselves?"

There are different views on this, one is that it would be genetic and that I think is bullshit. I think so because I grew up in a home with 2 violent and alcoholic parents, and I'm neither.
Another view is that u as an adult involuntarily seek to solve or handle conflicts in the way that is most familiar to u, and if that way is violence that's your choice. I think this is true to some extent, as is the third view; That u strive to get as far away from it as possible, like IceNine said. (There I go liking one of his posts again )

So I think it's a distinct possibility but not a must. I believe that the person always has a choice, and it's up to them to make the one that is right even though it might be harder.

Red

Jen

If they recognise the problem, there is hope. They could go to counselling or anger management or something to help them deal with striking out before thinking, but if the person in question is not willing to rectify this and seek help, then they will continue their violence.

Teacher said:

I agree too...

i grew up in a violent family (the violence was directed at others, my dad made a lot of enemies in his business) and the shit came home...but even though i have all this shit to deal with, i would say i am definately not a violent person, i have a very long fuse, but when it does go out all hell breaks loose ...just the way i am i guess.
[This message was edited Mon Jul 14 4:40:06 PDT 2003 by Ardeo]

Some people can deal with their anger though...others not...sometimes, they seem like the nicest people on the surface then one thing triggers it off...

REDFEATHERS said:

other way around for me, always look like i'm ready to knock someone's block off...but really, i'm a just a sheep in wolves clothing

REDFEATHERS said:

My dad
Hence why I don't talk to him anymore

Well I should have gone by gut feeling when this person was first violent, not to get involved...but he was so apologetic and kinda sweet, I pitied him and gave him a second chance, the lies never stopped - never again...

Ardeo said:

Teacher said:

Ardeo said:

U're the person one wants to bring when u need somebody to look menacing u mean? I have one of those, they're very handy!

Teacher said:

Ardeo, you are gonna be my bestest friend now...

REDFEATHERS said:

My dad has screwed me over sooo many times. He never hit me as such, cos I was always too fast (u're not very fast when u're drunk ) but I told him so many times that I don't want him drinking around me and he fucked it up every time. The excuse? Same as most people who are abusive and won't see reason use: "I'm a grown man and I do what I want. If u piss me off it's your fault." So fucked up.

My sister's ex bf beat her, twice. I didn't find out about it till the second time it happened, but within 24 hours she was gone from his life. He stayed on the run for months, his family hid him It turned out his dad beat both him and his mom though, not an excuse but an explanation as to the behaviour. When they got together he was on probation for assault, I never did figure out what she saw in him, except for a couple cool tattoos. We told him that if he ever came close to her again he'd have to do the next strike in a wheel chair.

There is no excuse for violence, or for the cowardry it is to not deal with the problem. Aggression issues need to be dealt ith, strip away the aggression and most of the time there's a lovely person underneath, all the way down to the bone.

Teacher said:

i know how u feel...i wish my dad would act like me when drunk...peacfully asleep

REDFEATHERS said:

that can be arranged

Ardeo said:

So you ARE coming to the Manchester Meet Up in September?

I see Red is back.. Hey you...

silkyspread said:

Hello Sweetness!