That must be a horrible thing to deal with and I have often felt the same way, having moved to a rural area with walmart being the primary shopping venue! I was amazed at what I heard people saying to their children, especially in public! However, after thinking about the experiences I've had working with children, I have stopped judging the situation based on what I saw at that time. Children, no matter how cute and easy to spoil that they are, can be trying and can do things to anger or embarrass their parent. If you are at home, you can send the child to a quiet area while you or they calm down! When you are out running errands all day,these things are not possible and if the parent just has to deal with the child misbehaving, the pressure can build and the crazy ass bitch can come out! (There is a point where most kids may try to manipulate their parents, to get a toy, etc and act bratty)

VinaBlue said:

So says the Psychodynamic school of Psychological thought, which is far from the current model of thinking. Actually, lately it has been theorized that little of anything effects you more than your genes. What is an obstical to one person is only a challange to another...

but of course none of this or that has been proven

a Cognative theorist would say, "it is not what happens to you, but how you interprate what happens to you"... I think that is the best model I've seen.

creepycornerman said:

Perhaps adults are capable of realizing this and integrating it into their schema; however, young children are not.

check out "The Bad Seed" remarkable horror movie about the debate of nature or nuture. May make U never want to adopt
or think twice about who U conceive with...

I think the past does have a genuine impact on a person, and of course everyone is different, but then everyone has a unique life experience which shapes the way life is experienced.

I do agree that it is the interpretation and the way of dealing with things that is where it's at, however, I think it takes a degree of 'un-learning' behaviour and ways of reacting, rather than just being able to change in the here and now the way things are dealt with. I think maybe that works for problems that aren't that entrenched, and maybe even will work to some depth, but as far as pulling out the roots of problems, they are usually buried a lot deeper and require a method that looks into how they got their in the first place.

My own personal experience, is that I have worked with an integrative model, drawing from various sources. I have studied my past in order to live more freely and deal with events in a totally different way. I have had to become aware of what happened to me in my past and how it still effects me today in order to learn other ways of dealing with situations. I think that people entrenched in ways of behaving that is influenced from the past, are actually in a great deal of pain and probably don't know sometimes that it is going on (usually until awareness is raised so much so that the person becomes more sensitive to self) and if they do realise it is going on, have no idea what to do about it. Simply saying that it's all about interpretation I feel has no understanding of a persons feelings. Try telling that to a bereaved person or someone who has suffered trauma. The CBT approach works well with issues that are perhaps less distressing to the owner.

Interesting... haven't really thought about how the models from the different schools of teaching can, combined, have a beneficial impact since leaving college!
[This message was edited Wed Jul 9 3:10:02 PDT 2003 by Therapy]

AnotherLoverToo said:

Hon...in a way...(for her kids sake) I hope she does end up being your client...she need some fucking sense knocked into her! I know you could do it.

The sick thing is that parents who talk to their kids like they're pets or property (which most parents seem to think their kids ARE) are not looked down upon by mainstream society.

My folks abused me physically and emotionally, and think that all they did was "discipline" me. Well, if leaving whelts and bruises on my thighs is discipline, then fine.

But what about when your first memory of your folks is of them hitting each other? What about your mother reading your diary (this happened to my sister)? What about your father smacking you across the face and drawing blood? What about your mother slapping you across your chapped lips, which then start to bleed, then being slapped AGAIN for not "keeping Chap-Stick on your lips?"

I hope to have kids one day and I'll be damned if I resort to either corporal punishment OR put-downs. AND I was the older brother, which means that YES, I have experience in what its like to raise kids. I was the built-in babysitter for YEARS, so don't tell me "you'll change your mind when you have kids."

These are the rules I plan to abide by when I have children...

1. A child is a PERSON. Just because he's SMALLER than you doesn't mean he/she is less than you.

2. Corporal punishment does NOT correct misbehavior (haven't you fuckers read Dr. Spock??). It's just makes your kid hate you and think "Daddy/Mommy's a jerk."

3. If you must punish, do 'time-out', make them do extra chores, or ground them. And STICK WITH IT! If you say "you're grounded for a month," enforce it!!!

4. "Because I said so" is the stupidest answer you can give a kid. Kids are smart--smarter than your "American Idol"-watching, Pabst Blue Ribbon-drinking ass. If you don't want your kid to do something, EXPLAIN WHY!

5. Ask your child questions about their views/opinions. DO NOT expect them to automatically succumb to your beliefs. If the kid doesn't think that "The Great Outdoors" is an art-house film like your stupid ass, don't berate them for it.

6. Allow them to FIGHT BACK if they're being bullied. Don't say, "Go to the teacher!" Teach your kid dignity and self-respect when they're young. Otherwise, it's harder-than-hell for them to learn it when they're older. I've been to three shrinks; I should know.

7. Challenge gender roles. You wanna know why the world isn't moving forward socialogically? It's simple. The gender roles haven't changed at ALL since the '60s. Feminism has granted women more strength in the workforce and politics, but it's still a white man's world.
The solution? Teach your girls that it's OK to be bold, assertive, and that there is more to life than cooking and sewing (I had to give my sister a feminist education, since my Eisenhower-era mother WOULDN'T). Teach boys that it's OK to play rough, but that gentleness is an important quality. If your son prefers art to playing Little League, WHO GIVES A RAT'S ASS! It's positive.
THAT'S the only way the world is going to change: the future generations MUST be raised in a way that previous generations weren't.

Ok...enough ranting.