...are fun for the kids, but they are a fucking straight-up rip off. I mean, goddamn.

So, you go to the ticket booth and speak to the really fat woman with teeth that are all rotten, I mean REALLY rotten, like all over all her front teeth, and you give her $18 for 24 ride tickets. The rides cost a minimum of 3 tickets with some being 5 tickets. Your son is happy because he is going to ride a lot of rides.

The first thing that you ride is the ferris wheel... it is 4 tickets each and you have to ride with your son because he really wants you to... there goes 8 tickets, but it was worth it because he really liked it a lot. The ride takes about 3 minutes.

You have 16 tickets left after the ferris wheel, so you go to the ride where he gets in the truck that runs around in circles on a rail... this costs 3 tickets, so you pay the guy who is standing there smoking a joint and your son goes for the ride. I am not even joking about the joint either... this guy was steady smoking a medium-sized joint while taking tickets... his jailhouse tattoos seemed to all utilize proper spelling though. This ride was a stellar 2 to 3 minutes of sheer truck driving excitement.

Now you have 13 tickets left. I know you are thinking, "how could you ever use all those tickets?" but it really comes down to this... the spaceship ride. The spaceship ride is really just a thing with some baskets on the end of some arms that goes around in a circle and lift up and down a few feet, but it still costs you 4 tickets, so you join the junior spaceman program and jump on in! A few minutes later and you have 9 tickets left. This one was actually pretty cool, as the drug-addicted ride operator let the ride go for about 5 minutes!

With 9 tickets, you would think that you could take over the known universe, but you really can't. What you can do is ride the fire truck two times for 6 tickets, and you do. This takes a total of about 5 minutes and you are left with 3 tickets that you use to let your son slide down a slide... taking a total of 30 seconds, including the climb up the ladder.

So... all total, your son gets to ride for about 16 minutes total and you are only out $18 for the tickets. The next problem is those assholes who keep fucking with you and trying to make you play games... my son really wanted the giant Spongebob toy, so I wasted $7 trying to win the thing... the game was not impossible, but you certainly would have to practice in order to win. In fact, the crank-using attendant who was showing you how "easy" it was to win was unable to get the ball in the basket more than 20% of the time and this is what he does for a living. When you lose and you say that you have had enough, they send out the reinforcements to try to get you to play more... they assure you that it really is easy, even though you have already lost and are not wanting to drop any more cash on that shit... they don't want to take "no" for an answer and you end up having to politely tell them to fuck themselves.

Next, some dickhead tells your kid to try to climb a ladder to win a prize... you let him try it once because it is only $2... he falls off, as expected... you tell the carnival fuck that you don't want him to try again, so what does he do? Right... he puts him on the ladder again... you say, "no" to him and then your kid tries to climb the ladder because the dumbass put him on it... the kid falls and you say "come on, let's go" and the carnival fuck tells you that you owe him another $2, whereupon you tell him to fuck himself too.

After all this, you are forced to walk a gauntlet of carnival games operators who are all asking your kid to try to win a prize... there are tons of these toothless wonders, each one jockying for your few dollars so they can score their next batch of bathtub crank and some weed. You say "no" about 4,000 times before you can finally make it back to the car.

During all this aggravation, you are very careful to appear extremely happy and excited so that your son has a great time.

I am pleased to say that he has no idea that I wanted to kill at least 20 people today and he had a GREAT time!

IceNine said:

Goes around towns, sucks from your pockets. How is Devine Brown.

CAMILLE4U said:

---
As a parent they are rip-offs, like mine used to tell me, but when we were kids, no matter what the ride cost was we have to try them out!


IceNine you are getting old! :loL:

IceNine said:

I like candy floss.

But were there clowns?

and kids love it...


thats what being a good dad is... smile through the petty and create the memories that wont matter until its meant to

I am sure that you have wasted more money on a woman! Relax and enjoy!

By the way happy Fathers Day!

minneapolisgenius said:

No clowns, unless you count the third grade drop-outs who were running the rides as clowns... they weren't wearing clown suits or anything.

IceNine said:

DORA said:

He was very happy and that is all that mattered.

Muse2noPharaoh said:

I have certainly wasted a lot more money on women, but this wasn't a waste because it made my son very happy.

carnivals suck lots of obesse cottage cheese ass!

Christopher said:

Yes, they do... but kids love them, so they stay in business.

Now... on to dental observations:

You might have been able to compile a complete set of teeth among carnival workers if you mixed and matched from all the employees.

IceNine said:

ehehee

lovely teeth...esp the guys that talk alot "come on win your kids a power ranger doll... 25.00's for 2 rings!"

They should have had this ride:

OH HELL NO

Clowns are scary!...No clowns!
they all float down here!

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

I would have gone on the Chamber of Farts ride... :LOL:

"I thought the 'Line ride' sucked donkey balls"

BorisFishpaw said:

"Yeah, let's not ride that one again."

I'm declaring 'shenanigans'!

BorisFishpaw said:

"...if this is so, your declaration of shenanigans is just."

Hey, I LIKED the One Nite Alone tour!

Ack...the pain...3/4 of those fucking games are fucking impossible...and even if you do have the misfortune of actually winning, you'll soon discover that spongebob is stuffed with cheap sawdust--he's not even CLOSE to anywhere near as fluffy as you might have imagined. No, he's a brick of sawdust with a thin coating of felt!

teller said:

Yeah, here is how I knew that the game that I actually played was impossible...

...ready?

...this is stunning!

The guy told me that he would give me three balls for another five dollars and that he would go ahead and give me the biggest stuffed animal if I won. I told him that I knew that I couldn't win and that I had only played because my son wanted me to try it... he then said that he would give me the largest toy AND all of my money back if I won... I said "no" again... he looked over to someone in another booth and then said that he would give me the largest toy in the booth AND ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS if I got a ball in the basket.

Do you honestly think that anyone could win this? NO FUCKING WAY.

IceNine said:

The old high pressure sale, eh? Every time you say, "no," they sweeten the deal--which only proves that you were correct to assume that you were going to lose your money. Sigh...there was a guy who came to my new house wanting to install a security system like this; I don't know if he was for real or not, but I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to purchase ANYTHING that day--I was busy painting and hadn't shopped around ya know? But nooo...he pulled out all the stops, reduced our cost to $0, just as long as we wrote a check for $69 which would later be refunded. As if I would be stupid to pass up such a great deal...yeah, a great deal of bullshit...

teller said:

Right... why the fuck would you write him a check that they would need to refund later? What an asshole.

:LOL:

I love salespersons.

IceNine said:

Oh it gets better...after I totally told him no, he starts looking all sad and says that he travels door-to-door out of his own pocket! ROFL..."next..."