I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.


If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny


Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny


Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done


Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.


I'd rather be rich than stupid


When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.



I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.



I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.



If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something.

What does DT stand for? I missed parts I and II.

mcmeekle said:

me too

DT stands for Detective

no...D.T. stands for DEEP THOUGHTS by Jack Handy...thought we could use some humor