Being laid off from work sux! For the first month it was great, now it's just getting redundant. Anybody care to post some funny joke/stories to cheer me up?

What gender is it? If you're like most people, common everyday
>items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many
>of them have a gender. For example . . .
>
>Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in
>but you can see right through them.
>
>Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to
>warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons
>are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
>
>Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.
>
>Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere
>you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.
>
>Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.
>
>Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
>
>Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
>
>Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
>
>Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
>but it's handy to have around.
>
>Remote Control -- Female . . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider --
>it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always
>
>know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
>
>

Thanks, noepie. I enjoyed what you posted.

psychodelicide said:

i aim to please!

You did a good job.

>Doctor's Funeral
>
>One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his
>coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.
>When
>the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their good-byes, the
>large
>heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again.
>
>It was a majestic tribute to the much-loved cardiologist.
>
>Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by
>his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you
>laughing,
>Mister?"
>
>"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "I'm a
>gynecologist."
>
>
>
>
>
>
here you go i hope this well help

GENDER PRAYERS


FEMALE PRAYER:

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong,

One who's willing to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to "How big's my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me no end,

And never attempt to hit on my friend.

And as I pray beside my bed,

I look at the creep you sent me instead.

Amen.



MALE PRAYER:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge tits who owns a liquor store. Amen.



here is anouther one for you

Thanks, mcyesse, I loved both of them!

i dunno psychodelicide...

i'll let you know what to do later...i'm presently facing lay-off status myself.

I'm sorry to hear that. Looks like we're in the same boat.