I applied for a new job [what am I, a fucking lunatic?] and
they hired me

:O

I guess this means me phantomjobber days are over. I will
now have to :gulp: 'work' for a living.

no more daytime orging. no more snooze at teatime

no more reading books at work. no more hibernation

I think I'm gonna be sick right now.....





[This message was edited Wed Jun 4 5:24:49 PDT 2003 by IstenSzek]

So, what did you do (obviously nothing)
and
What are you going to do now?
and
When do you start?
and
This job, they wanna hire ME, you think. I can start August 1st.

Wow, I feel for you.

I can't imagine what that's going to be like.

IstenSzek said:

Sorry to hear that, dude!

Work sucks.

Well, I work at this accounting firm and I never really had
to do anything. I think they gave me my position by mistake
since no one ever really knows what I'm suppsed to do.

I just sit in my office all day long, playing with my little
computah doing fuck all.

The perfect 'phantom job', so to speak.

Now, jutz that I am, I thought that after more than a year
of this nothingness I might want to venture out beyond the
picket fence and see if I can make myself some kind of a
career [or at least an excuse thereof].

In a momentary lapse of madness I applied for another job
closer to home and they freakin hired me. I have to start
next beginning of august.

Meanwhile, when I went to hand in my notice at my current
job, people started to wonder what exactly my position is
and what it is I do all day.

See, since they figured they had to find a replacement.

And so now they've concluded that they won't replace me
since my job is non-existent. People stare at me in a very
awkward way since I spilled these fucking beans.

I think they're planning an assault on me. I can feel it.

Why why why why WHY??

That's actually pretty funny.

I feel like Marlow in Joseph Conrad's "HeartOfDarkness",
floating down the Congo in my little boat with a million
eyes piercing me from the shrubs. waiting, waiting, for
the right moment to launch their speers and pierce me.

I'll have to fortify my office before long. Stock up on
rations so that I won't have to use the cantine untill
my last day here. I'll need canned soup, lots of it and
a large bucket to pee in. It's gonna smell bad due to
the exceptionally hot weather but I'll just have to make
due.

I'll come in to work at 06:30 in the morning and lock my
door immediately. Then I'll leave at 18:30 when they're
all gone.

Fucking co-workers.

IstenSzek said:

Have you ever seen the movie "Office Space"?

14:40

strange noise at the door. i rested my ear against the wall
and listened if i could percieve what the origin of this
crawling scuttering noise was. when i heard no more for at
least 10 minutes i opened my door and found a dead cat hung
upside down ducktaped to the door.

what will become of me? will i perish here before the moon
ascends heaven tonight?

IstenSzek said:

And then, there is sumthing known as OVER ACTING.
GTST-like.
I am very good at it too.

14:43

as if the incident with the dead cat was not sufficient
torment, i just received an anonimous phonecall. i felt
a slight tremmor in my chest as i saw the red light blink
on an off at the right side of the receiver. this light
had never flashed before since i was never burdened by
incoming phonecalls. so with an inch of sweat on my brow
and an arm that shook ferociously in trepedition of what
was to come I picked up the receiver.

what was uttered on the other end is to vile to recount
here, i do not wish to befowl my last lines with such
utter disdainful grammar. suffice to say i will not be
able to leave my office anymore. the line is dead now,
they have cut off my last lifeline to outside these four
walls. i will now have to fend for myself. must try to
remember how to make crossbow from magic markers and
rubberbands.

Are you wearing a loincloth now?

14:50

according to www.gandhi.com one can survive for years on
nothing but one's own excrement. thank god i have a large
waste bin in my office. where are my rubberbands? who took
my rubberbands? i had once a million rubberbands? did they
foresee this and take away my precious coloured rubberbands
to deprive me of a means to arm myself against them?

Well, there's good news !!
I got a hectic job and still have time to visit the Org.
I do it in the open as well and never had any complaints about my Orgying.

Getting a little paranoid?

14:53

Oh beastly burden of the man who's job is that of the
phantom inclination. I can hear them conspire at the
other end of this ghastly slate of mdf. i am indepted
to god for the fact that the hinges are on my side of
the wall and not on theirs for surely they would have
seen fit to lift the door from the hinges by now. I
smell a faint whif of sulphur on the air? whatever is
it they are muttering about out there??? still have not
located a single rubberband. perhaps if i move my desk
against the door some rubberbands will appear from under
it.

mdf...

14:55

oh heavens cruel cruel middleclass. they have stoke up
a fire outside my door. what do the mean to do, what
hideous point are they trying to prove. will they truly
burn me like a 21st century Joan of Arc because I told
them of my apparitions. my beautiful apparitions of
lalique crystal light. my visions of a future where no
man would have a fulltime occupation, instead any and
all would nourish on the molecules in the air and spend
their days in blissful orgnoting and rubberbandstretching.
so they will burn me. what can I do? THE RUBBERBANDS!!!
THE RUBBERBANDS!!!





[This message was edited Wed Jun 4 6:03:01 PDT 2003 by IstenSzek]

I will pray for your soul...

15:05

low and behold, my visions have not forsaken me in this,
my hour of dire need. As the smoke commenced to billow up
from the crack under the door and slowly filled the room,
a blinding light doth struck me and my saints revealed to
me that I should not burn today. Upon which the sprinklers
swiftly hissed and poured down upon me water in abundance.
Alas my precious box of collected rubberbands has melted
from the heat. no sooner had I found it than it fell prey
to the fiendish flames. silence! we must think of another
escape now. we must!

IstenSzek said:

15:20

The initial new plan of digging a tunnel proved to be less
than acomplishable since my office is located on the second
floor.

15:21

Tied a note, a desperate cry for help, to my goldfish. The
little las has kept me company for many a boring hour in
this office, staring at me from her little murky bowl. The
plan simply cannot fail for I have thought it over careful
and it seems a marvel from every single angle. I fingered
her out of the bowl, stuck the note to her tailfin with a
paperclip, then made a slingshot from a coathanger and my
very last useable, rubberband, all the way across the slap
of concrete that is our parkinglot and into the little pool
adjacent to the old folks home. Since the fish landed smack
in the middle of old Mrs Dale's face and knocked her out
cold, someone is bound to come outside and see what mishap
has befallen the old hag. They will then find my note and
come to my rescue. I will be saved before nightfall.




[This message was edited Wed Jun 4 6:25:05 PDT 2003 by IstenSzek]

15:25

slightly disturbing flock of seagulls just appeared and
aligned themselves across the highwires on the street..
cassandra, my catfish, meanwhile flops about the gravell
path of the old folk's home in all her golden glittery
splendour, trying to reach the pool. no one seems to have
noticed the old bag is still out cold. mother mary, i
need some more help here.

OH MY GOD

thanks for a much needed wake-up laugh

congrats on the new job! (i think)

may the force be with you

15:35

the torment continues. her attention being attracted by
the flock of seagulls, that cripple McKinney cunt just
rolled her wheelchair out onto the gravell to come see
what the fuss was all about and happened to see that
something had befallen that other old heffa. since they
are both blind as rabid bats they did not see my poor
brave little fish flopping her way toward the pond and
thus that McKinny witch rolled her fucking wheels right
over it. I could see her little golden body sparkle, stuck
to the tire of that NHS-chariot as the wheels turned,
but as I felt a slight neurosis coming on I had to avert
my gaze and pull myself together to come up with yet
another plan.

15:48


Ah what brilliant concoctures the mind comes up with when
one finds himself in a situation of inhumane stress. For
I have conjured the plan to throw my computer's monitor
out of the window onto the assembly of parked cars out
there on the parkinglot. The crash is bound to set off
some car alarms. The sound of this will no doubt attract
many people and when they have gathered down there I shall
call for help and ask someone to call the police to come
free me from this mob of lynching paperpushers.

15:52


I strained my wrist and hit my own car. I shall speak no
more about this incident since it might just prove to be
the proverbial drop that will spill the excrement bucket.



..
[This message was edited Wed Jun 4 6:47:51 PDT 2003 by IstenSzek]