Three people are sailing in a boat.
One is called Stupid, the 2nd is called Nothing and the third is called Nobody.
A storm came and caused Nobody to lose his grip and fall into the water.
Nothing told Stupid to call for help.
Stupid calls 911 and say: "This is Stupid, I'm calling for Nothing, because Nobody fell in the water."


Dumb edit
[This message was edited Sun May 11 9:12:58 PDT 2003 by Heavenly]

Heavenly said:

A Plane is about to crash. One woman on the plane gets up tears her shirt off and screams: "SOMEBODY PLEASE MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN FOR THE LAST TIME!!!"
One man gets up, takes off his shirt and says: "Here, iron this!"

A woman gets into a bus comletely naked. The bus driver is looking at her.
The woman gets annoyed and asks: "what are you looking at?!"
The driver says: "I'm just trying to figure out where you'll pull you bus fair out of..."

2 liars meet up.
One says: "hey, I Swam all around the globe yesterday"
The other answers: "I know, I saw you."

Dumbest jokes Collection eh?


Wubya

A blonde enters a library and calls: "Gimme fries and a large coke please!"
The librarian says: "Excuse me, but this is a library."
So the blonde apologizes and then whispers: "I'd like fries and a large coke please..."

The three bears get back home.
Papa bear says: "Hey, somebody ate my porridge!"
Mama bear says: ""Hey, somebody ate my porridge, too!"
Little bear says: "Forget the porridge, somebody stole our TV!!!"

Heavenly said:

Heavenly said:

A 6-foot-5 behemoth is sitting in the park, cramming his mouth with chocolate bars. After the 12th one, an old man who had been sitting nearby walks over. “Hello, son,” the old man says. “You know that eating chocolate isn’t very good for you. It’ll give you pimples, rot your teeth and make you fat as a pig.”
The hulking chocolate lover stops chewing for a moment. “My grandfather lived to be 102 years old,” he says.
“Oh really,” the geriatric replies. “Did he eat 12 chocolate bars every day?”
“No,” the big guy says. “He minded his own goddamned business.”

Q. What's pink and fluffy?




















A. Pink Fluff.

What's red and sits in a corner?



A naughty bus..


:deeplyashamed:

Boy: "Mom, grandpa has a scar!"
Mom: "then eat around it."

Why do men think too much and women talk too much?
Because men have a head up there and down there...
And women have lips up there and down there...

PurpleJedi said:

I guy comes to a woman and say: "How about I'll throw you a hundred bucks, and until you pick it up, I can do whatever I want to you?"
The woman answers: "let me think about it" then goes home to consult with her husband and eventually they agree to do it.
Anfer a couple of hours the woman comes home again, tired and walking funny.
The husband asks what happened, and she answers: "The bastard threw the 100 bucks in quarters"

A priest and a rabi are walkin down the street and see a six year old boy,
the priest says "Let's Fuck Him"
the rabi says "For Whut???"

a rich man and a poor man are talking about their wives' birthdays that just passed.
The poor man asks: "what did you buy your wife for her birthday?"
The rich man answers: "A diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor man asks: "why the Mercedes?"
The rich guy answers: "So if she doesn't like the diamond ring, and can drive to the shop in her Mercedes to replace the gift. and what did you buy for your wife?"
The poor man answers: "a pair of slippers and a vibrator"
The rich man asks: "why the vibrator?"
The poor man answers: "if she doesn't like the slipper, she can go screw herself!"

What's yellow and smells like bananas?


















Monkey sick.

Heavenly said:

00769BAD said:

I love it!

Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree?

A: Wave at her

Someone asked a guy how is his wife in bed.
He answered: "some say she's good, some say so-so."

One night the phone wakes Bush up, and on the other line it's Saddam. He says to Bush: "I had a dream, and in that dream I saw New York city beautiful as ever, with new Twin towers tall and great, with signs on them."
Bush asks: "what do the signs say?"
Saddam says: "Alla is great anf that Muhammad is his prophet."
Bush says: "well I had a dream, that after the war Bagdad was beautiful as it ever was before, filled with beautiful houses with signs on each roof."
Saddam asks: "what did the signs say?"
Bush answered: "I don't know, I can't read Hebrew".

2 cows talking in the medow
One says: "Did you hear about the mad cow?"
The other cow answers: "Yeah, thank goodness we're ducks"

What do prostitutes and bunji jumping have in common?

You enjoy them both for a few seconds, you pay for both of them, and if the rubber breaks, you're in trouble.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly!
In this country...we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."


I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!

Heavenly said:

Did you hear the Spanish forecast?


Chili today and hot tamali.


That's my lamest joke!