Stayed up all night working out how many of these we could come up with so I'll give U my favorite then it's over 2 U.
Guy walks into a bar with an octopus sits down and orders himself a beer. The barman says 'Whats with the octopus?' Guy says 'My friend the octopus is a musical genius and can play any instrument known to a high standard'
There's a piano in the corner so the guy takes the octopus over. The octopus plays a few scales then plays the first movement of Prokofievs 1st piano concerto perfectly. The whole bar is impressed. A guy comes over with a clarinet and true 2 form the octopus plays some Mozart 4 the nice people. There's a guitarist in the bar who nips home 2 fetch his instrument and the octopus does himself proud with Apache by The Shadows and other favorites. Finally the barman nips home and turns up with a set of bagpipes which are duly placed before the octopus. Well the octopus spends a good ten minutes lifting one bit and faffing about with another bit. Finally the octopuses owner says 'Can't U play it?' 'Play it?' says the octopus 'Look mate if I can get its pajamas off I'm gonna fuck it!!!'

Well maybe not a guy who walks into a bar...

but click this link for a fucking hysterical

gerbil walks into a bar...


http://www.joecartoon.com...gerbilbar/

ok this link isn't hooking up direct soooo.....

click on sitemap and under the cartoon column

click on gerbil bar.....


the first time I checked this link I nearly pissed

myself laughing!!!

JoeCartoon freaking rocks!!!


...thought ya knew!!!

gerbilbar edit.....
[This message was edited Fri May 2 16:53:41 PDT 2003 by Aannastesia]

This guy was into a bar...











he needed 28 stitches!

I like it!

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. He sits down by the bar and the Barman, who has known this guy for many years, but never seen him with a giraffe before, asks him:
"What's with the giraffe Steve?" (Steve was his name you see.)

And the guy replies "It's funny you should ask me that. I've just come back from a safari with my wife. We were on a trip far out into the jungle when we came across this Witch Doctor in the middle of the track. The driver took one look at this man standing in front of the jeep and just ran off into the jungle! This left my wife and I alone in the jeep, staring at this Witch Doctor, who was staring back at us. We tried to drive off but the jeep would not start"
"The Witch Doctor eventually came right up to the jeep and spoke.
"What are you doing here?" he asked us.
"We are on safari" my wife replied.
No, wait. I can't remember how this one ends. I'll get back to you.

mcmeekle said:

I should have known better!

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.

"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.

"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.

"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"

"Yeah, my first blowjob."

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."

"No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

This guy walks into a bar and asks the barman if he's got any peanuts. The barman replies that he doesn't have any peanuts and the guy orders a cold beer instead.

The next day the same guy goes back into the same bar and asks the barman if he's got any peanuts. The barman tells him "No, I don't have any peanuts, we don't sell them here" so the guy orders a cold beer instead.

The next day the same guy goes back into the same bar and the barman looks up and recognises him. The guy walks up to the bar and asks the barman if he's got any peanuts. The barman is getting very pissed off at this point and tells him he has no fucking peanuts and will not be getting any peanuts in stock and if he comes in and asks him again then he's going to shoot the guy in the fucking face. The guy settles for a cold beer, sits down and drinks it.

The next day the same guy walks into the same bar and goes up to the barman...
"Have you got a gun?"
"No I haven't got a gun."
"Got any peanuts then?"

My wife's favorite:

Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

Drunk guy walks into a bar, staggers up to a barstool, sits down, and orders a drink...the bartender tells him he's had enough to drink already and refuses to serve him anything...pissed, the drunk guy hobbles off the barstool and walks out...

5 minutes later the same drunk guy walks back into the same bar, waddles over to the bartender and asks for a drink...the bartender sighs, once again tells the guy that he's already had way too much to drink and refuses to serve him...highly irritated, the drunk weaves back out of the bar, cursing under his breath...

10 minutes go by, and the same drunk guy runs back into the same bar, straddles up to the bartender, and breathlessly orders a drink...now completely irritated, the bartender says "Look, buddy...I've already told you twice before that you're way too drunk already and I'm not going to serve you...so either call yourself a cab and go home, or I'm gonna have to call the police!"

Dejected, the drunk guy starts to walk out of the bar...then stops himself, turns around...and says "Damn, man...how many bars do you work at, anyway??"



Thank yew...