Well, within a month of coming back from Seattle and the whole bone marrow transplant, the cancer never left.

The tumor started to grow on my right shoulder, again.

I am now three of eighteen scheduled radiation treatments. My doctor is super nice from NYC that travels to the VA here in Albany. He's been going it thirty years. I'll have radiation M-F, through March 6.

The doctor dismissed some misnomers about radiation.

I won't get a sunburn. I will get red skin from inflammation, but it won't have the stinging or prickly sensation.

I won't get radiation poisoning. If I were getting radiation in the abdomen, I would face discomfort and sickness.

My recent PT scan showed the obvious area, plus a huge knot under my chin (which feels like a golf ball), and a nodule on my left collarbone area.

I'm starting to get some of the redness now. But no pain from the treatment. I do have pain from the tumor. It's tight, tender, and it hurts. I can't use my right arm much because the weight of your arms or whatever you're doing pulls on the shoulder muscle. Just going to take a piss, or change shirts can set off a 5 minute pain attack. I take a quick shower to rinse off and wash my face, and I rush to dry off, then run to my bed to lay on my left side to relieve the stress on my right shoulder (thank you body pillows).

I have Oxycodone I use at night before bed, and one when I go to treatment, so I don't have a pain attack. My pain goes between a 3 and an 8. It's been a 10 (nerve pain in my neck) where I was (and I can't even exaggerate this) had my face in my pillow screaming at the top of my lungs.
I also use topical Lidocaine that they gave me, plus Tylenol, and ice packs.

I really hope this is the last of anything. This is entering its third year of having something in my neck and dealing with it.

My neighbor gave me some gummies that I nibble on at night so I can sleep easier, for a while. With time, the tumor will shrink and the Buprenorphine patch on my back (lasts 7 days, and I have 4 total) will release pain reliever, I hope to get some pain relief sooner than later. The cancer will sort itself out. It's the pain I cannot tolerate much longer.

The people who treat me asked if I wanted any particular music played. Yesterday was Prince. I made it through the edit of "If I Was Your Girlfriend," and the Originals of "Sex Shooter" and "The Glamorous Life." then I was done.

Today was Janet. I made it through "Miss You Much" and half of "Nasty." We've really streamlined the whole procedure, which is how it should be. The treatment is high doses for short bursts. Not long at all.



A huge machine exactly like this rotates around me. I have a mask molded to my face, that they pin to the table to keep me immobile. Apparently I get to keep it when it's over. Yippie?

So, this isn't a poor me post. I would just ask those of you that to have a faith system or whatever, to push out prayers and good vibes for me. I'll take all I can get right now.

Thank you for reading.

I am so sorry to hear this I had hoped you were on the downhill slide!

I Pray for your strength to go thru this again and be pain free!

I Pray for a cure!!

Sorry to hear this - words are not enough to express.

Fuck Cancer.

You're in my thoughts, all the best.

Damn!

Sending you love and healing light.