Gay, lesbian, bi orgers: When did you come out and what were some of the circumstances surrounding it?

Coming out stories can be fascinating and poignant because it often takes tremendous courage to simply make known this aspect of yourself to those important to you. For the sake of getting to know some of you better -- and perhaps offering support to those of us perhaps still struggling with this -- I'd like to hear your (brief) stories.

It was cool. It was eventual. I had fun with it. I came out completely to a few close friends who I knew would be accepting, and then after a while when rumors started flying around, I was purposefully vague and enjoyed playing with the "guess what I heard about YOU!!!" stories...then as I fell in with more of a "gay" group of friends, I became more open. When I finally came out to my mom (she picked me up for a visit home from college once and asked me on the way home, "so are you gay or what?" then was totally cool about it when I told her the truth), I dropped all the pretenses and have been very matter-of-fact about being gay ever since. I'm lucky - I've had fun with it, I've never been gaybashed, I've never felt like I've suffered for being gay (and I grew up in the MIDWEST), and for a few years of my life I got to work with an LGBT organization in New York where I helped other folks in the community, mostly with crisis and coming-out issues. On so many levels, I feel really blessed. No complaints, no regrets, no woulda-coulda-shoulda. Except for perhaps an ex-boyfriend or two, ha

I'll tell you about my sisters! It was a riot!

(Not that I didn't KNOW, but each person has to come out when they are ready!)
Well, my sister being strong minded waited YEARS! So it was very hard for her to do!
(In the year of out Lord) On Sept 20th, 1997. I had finished a birthday party for my children Who are exactly 5 years apart. After I saw the last of 70 guests off I went to see a boxing event. (This all is important to the story!)

... My sister left my home and returned to hers around the corner. She then decided she would "come out" to me before she broke it to my parents. So nervous as hell she belts back a few! Decides in her softened state of mind to tell me by EMAIL!

... Some friends and I return from the boxing match (I am dead exhausted it's about 8:30pm) I notice things are amiss right away! There are police cars all around the entrance to my track. We get to my street and I see all these men exiting my house with bats. I get out of the car and my homes alarm system is just deafening! The men were from a party at my neighbors home. They start screaming at me in Spanish. I halt them and run in to disarm my alarm system. The phone is ringing so I answer. It's the alarm company informing me the police have already been dispatched as my alarm has been ringing for an hour now!
At this point I know what triggered it... While listening to the woman on the phone I note the lasers in the formal living room have a ton of helium balloons in the way, breaking the connection. ( We left for the boxing match and they began to sink into range)

... The Police ...Are waiting for back up as upon arrival they spot some 10 men with bats going in my home.

... The men ... Now able to hear, but regretting my lack of Spanish recall under pressure. I have my friends screaming in one ear WHAT ARE THEY T A L K I N G A B O U T ! The men knew that the police were ready to swarm. So in a panic, they are trying to tell me the weirdest damn story. I tell my friends F*ck if I know. Sounds like my sister accused them of robbing me and fled the scene. At that exact point as IM looking passed the "men" I see a figure staggering up the center of the street.

... The neighbor worried that someone had broken in and was harming me (They never saw me exit.. She thought I had used the panic button.) She had the men go down to save me. I had AWESOME neighbors. They broke in my front door and searched for me.

...The figure staggering up the center of the street ... My sister. ( Who does not drink) Is now in front of me along with the police and the 10 men. (With bats) As it goes, The alarm company calls my sister when they can't find me. SHE found THEM ... makes a few intoxicated comments and goes back to assure my parents who also received a call that she doesn't know WHERE I am but, all is ok. ( Because my sister is inebriated and doesn't want Mom and dad to come see that.)

... ME ... I am trying to explain that it is a communication problem to the men. That they misunderstood my sister. Attempting to dismiss the police department .. AND the whole time I am staring at my sister. I tell her to go home! I'll be there in a moment.


Fast forward.. My sisters house... Long to short she tells me what I already knew and begged her to tell me for years. We share our love and her next step.
I then prepare to exit as I have now had it and want to go to bed! She says OH, "by the way, just delete the email since I have now told you." I turn on my heal, EMAIL? You were going to come out to me in an EMAIL? Are you cracked?

ME: Well, ok keep your drunk butt in this house and good luck with Mom and dad.
SIS: Karen, I want you to please tell them I can't.
ME: Oh HELL NO! I told them when you crashed the car, when you got in trouble at school and when you broke things! However this, You are ON YOUR OWN SIS! Good night!


My mother: Family matriarch and resident "freak out" Her instant response to everything is to flip the f*ck out. She screams at the party standing in front of her for oh lets say 10 minutes then calms down and is reasonable again. My being like my father am very hard to offend and just stand there and watch my hair blow 2 ft. Behind me until "Hurricane Mom" has passed.

ME ... Now back in my house I can't take another thing I go plop on my bed and pass out. I would guess that lasted oh say 5 minutes. The phone rings It is my mother.

MOM: Karen is everything ok with your house.
ME: Yes, thank you. Mom Im so tired I'll call in the morning and explain. ( Trying to get the hell out of there quick. Yet already knowing that IS NOT why she called.)
MOM: Ok, Karen your sister called and left a message. *silence*
ME: Ok
MOM: Well, she sounds very upset and says she has something to tell me and if you want to know what I think, she sounded drunk.
ME: *silence*
MOM: Well? Do you know what she is going to say. ( To know me is to know that I am a very upfront person. If you ask me an upfront question you will receive an answer!)
ME: I say with a *wrong # * attitude MOM, I am Karen your "other" daughter, call "my sister" and ask her.
MOM: *storm warning* Well if you know what it is I would rather here it from you.
ME: Oh hell no! Not this time! You talk to her, just Mom, be cool. Don't yell!
MOM: HURRICANE FULL FORCE (I'll leave out the text!)
ME: Mom, goodnight and DON'T read your email until you call her.

The rest is history. 24 hours later all was quiet. I am blessed with an incredible family.

NOW, TOP THAT!

Muse2noPharaoh said:

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD/DOG!

NO ONE can top that! !!!

INSATIABLE said:

Been a long time since I even thought of all that!

Anyway,many have hard stories. I thought I would give 'em a laugh!

Muse2noPharaoh said:

LOl as eventfull as muses' story was, that's how dull mine was. After highschool I shared an appartment with a classmate in artschool; and if you live together for let's say 2 years; people start to notice things (no girlfriends ever, and my trail of drule as he was trottin' around in his tight boxers). So the roommate started to ask some very direct questions, and as I always promissed myself not to lie about it; he became the first to know.

All my friends back then were ok people so I was never scared of telling. Parents; same thing; my dad only said that the most important thing was for me to be happy, and that was it.

All the stress about telling was complete wasted energy and now I don't even have a dramatic story to give a colorfull twist to my youth

I never made big statements at work but it usually came out when the were compairing girl and boyfriends issues. The fact that my female collegue and I were choosing the male models for a fotoshoot might have been a give-away too.

Muse2noPharaoh said:

OMG... That is hilarious!

Muse... am not even gonna try...

I can't top Muse's story but, here goes...

My 2 older sisters are lesbians. The oldest came-out when I was in 6th grade and all went relatively well for her...As the next few years passed it became increasingly clear to me that I was gay as well, AND so was my other sister. This other sister denied it for a few years, but the summer after 10th grade, she was driving me to a friend's house. She pulled the car over halfway there and said. "alright, let's just get this over with" I started laughing and simultaneously she said "i'm a dyke" and I said "i'm a fag" Then we argued for a while about who got to tell our mom 1st. Neither of us wanted to be the last to do it.

Anywho, this sister beat me to the punch and came-out to my mom 1st. So, as payback, on the nite she was bringing her 1st girlfriend home for dinner, I came-out to my mom as she was cooking. My mom's initial response was "you're just trying to be cool like your sisters." I rolled my eyes and said "yeah cos being gay is SOOO cool." Anywho, within an hour she settled down and said "I just want my kids to be happy, as long as you are happy, do what you need to do to be yourself, just BE SAFE..."

it was easy with most of my friends as well, we were "alternapunks" so most of them were cool immediately.

As for my 1st experience, now that was quite a nite...but I'll save that for another thread.

alexnevermind319 said:

Alex

I've never come out, and I never intend to, I just am.

I like that Velvetsplash - little ripples, not a big wave right?

4 me, it was like this:
My Mother begged me not 2 be,
My Father tried 2 bribe me out of it,
then when that didnt work, He threatened that He would 'hunt me down and kill me if His family ever found out'

*abbreviated-in-a-nutshell-life-story-edit*

Still here, still Queer tho.

Yeah. . .I don't know if I'm exactly 'out'. I mean, I don't even know what to call myself! "Queer" seems most apt, actually. Bi/Poly/Whatevea.

Anyway, I'm married to a man, so it makes it easy to just let people assume. My sex life doesn't really affect them. But if people ask, I have no problem explaining. My sister knows, my friends know, my mother has some idea. The rest of my family doesn't ask questions about who I fuck (or want to fuck).

Actually, the story with my mom is kinda funny. My husband and I had a relationship with another couple some years ago. I used to sleep over at their place, and they would sleep over at my place, and my mom just assumed that we were all monogamous pair relationships.

So anyway, she was telling me about how my sister slept at her guyfriend's house, but she didn't think they had sex (they did), because people can sleep in each other's beds and not have sex, right?

"Like you did with that friend of yours. You slept in the same bed and didn't have sex."

I just looked at her.

"You had SEX with him!?"

I just looked at her.

"You slept with your best friend's boyfriend?! Does she know?"

I nodded.

"You cheated on Martin (my husband)?"

I shook my head.

"He was THERE?! You were ALL there?!"

I just looked at her.

Halfway through that, my sister came in, and immediately plopped down in the middle of the floor to hear the story. I explained things to her in more detail later. But watching my mother put the pieces together for herself was priceless. And we haven't talked about it since.

Someday we might have another steady partner and we might have to explain things to our entire families, but right now, don't see the point.

bananacologne said:

I see the need people have to come out, and the positives of doing that - I just don't see why we need to "admit" to it at some point, straight people don't come out, they just are.

Everyone I know knows I'm Gay, so I never had a coming out.

I wasn't really thrilled on doing the coming out thing; but some things are easier then when nobody knows. Like in conversations with people, they just assume the heterosexual thing. So when i can tell by their faces that they are starting to get lost because of the answers; I just spell it out once, and that safes in them trying to guess what's up.

hey bananacologne - are your family still su upset about this??? maybe oncve you told other people and no weird reaction comes up; their panic might go away.