Real (preface): About a month ago I had a conversation with my dad, and he was refuting something I was saying. I was 100% in the right, and proved it later. Only to have him text me after and tell me I was right but I had a shitty attitude. It was typical. He'll win the argument, even with an insult.

Dream: Two nights ago I had a dream I was arguing with him in his bed about the word "obfuscate." I've no idea why. He was telling me it was another word, and I kept saying, "No, it was obfuscate!" I don't even know why we were arguing over the word or its usage.

Real (epilogue): The evening of the 24th, I get a phone call from my brother, who's not talked to me in 6+ years (he's a bit dramatic). He tells me that about an hour prior, my dad died. He had broken his hip earlier this week, had surgery, went to dialysis on the 24th, and then back to his hospital room. When the nurses changed shifts, they found him gone. He had a DNR.

So I don't know if the dream was supposed to be about him or not. When we talk out loud to ourselves when we're alone, just to voice things or hear ourselves say them, I'm usually cussin' him out. He wasn't a great father by any stretch. I think he also carried a 33 year grudge because I called the cops on him for raping my stepbrother for 10 years. After that, it was never the same. (I carry no shame because of his crimes, nor do I regret calling the cops on him.)

I suppose the dream, and him actually dying was a coinkydink.

obfuscate:

I just dreamed about being Keith Richards having a bad dream about wandering through a hellish maze of Dickensian era London Streets... WTF?! Mic Jagger wondered what was wrong with me...

purplethunder3121 said:

Mic Jagger wondered what was wrong with me...

And now we are too.

TrivialPursuit said:

purplethunder3121 said:

Mic Jagger wondered what was wrong with me...

And now we are too.

purplethunder3121 said:

TrivialPursuit said:

And now we are too.

Of course I'm joshing w/ you.

PJMcGee said:

Trivial: Is the dramatic brother the same person as the raped by father for 10 years stepbrother? My sympathies about your father. It sounds like your relationship was complicated to say the least, but I assume his death has had an effect on you. And arguing about obfuscation in his bed? Seems a bit in the nose.

No, he never touched my brother or I. I had 2 stepbrothers, one near my age, one the same age as my biological brother. The younger stepbrother is the one he raped for 10 years.

I honestly put him to sleep long ago in my mind. When I got the news about his death, I thought, "Oh. Okay then." And then watched a movie.

I won't miss him much, honestly. I'm not glad he's dead (I don't wish death on people), but I won't miss him.

And yeah, obfuscation in bed. Go figure.

PS I asked the older stepbrother "What did [younger step brother] have to say about him dying?"

"He said he thought he died a few years ago, something uncle Marty said to him."

DOH!

purplethunder3121 said:

TrivialPursuit said:

MrSharon said:

I'm sorry to hear about your bad past. you have nothing to be ashamed about you did the right thing. I suffer from PTSD and I have a elephants memory so that's a bad combination I hope you are doing well now days in general

Haha funny you said that, I've always been accused of having an elephant's memory like that. It's a fact that when we suffer and experience trauma, we really remember every single part of it. Part of PTSD is remembering the overall situation, replaying it over and over. C-PTSD focuses on a person more (C=complex).

I'm sorta glad I remember things, though. I have only myself to count on as a reliable historian, especially when dealing (or having dealt with, since he's dead) a narcissist.

And yeah, I'm good in general. When I took up quilting, it became a lifesaver and calmed me down quite a bit. I had to relearn how to be myself, as a calm person. I still have anxiety, and I still have PTSD, but I have better tools now to navigate all that.

As far as the dream - I don't think one has to do with the other so much, but him and I arguing seems on point. haha

Do you ever have dreams you are falling and jerk-the-fuck awake?

TrivialPursuit said:

ShellyMcG said:

TrivialPursuit said:

Do you ever have dreams you are falling and jerk-the-fuck awake?

All. The. Time! And more often than not, I'm not even fully asleep when it happens.

I think that one's really common.

TrivialPursuit said:

purplethunder3121 said:

ShellyMcG said:

TrivialPursuit said: All. The. Time! And more often than not, I'm not even fully asleep when it happens.

I think that one's really common.

Yeah, it's just such a jolt.

I forget what it's called but there's a thing that happens when you start to fall asleep and you jerk awake. It's when your body is going to sleep mode faster than your brain. And your brain panics, and thinks you're in danger, so it snaps your ass awake. I JUST saw it the other day again on Instagram, someone talking about it. I forget the name for it.

RJOrion said:

TrivialPursuit said:

Do you ever have dreams you are falling and jerk-the-fuck awake?

No...but ive had dreams where im having sex, and i jerk-the-fuck awake.

I... um...