"we could make a story of our own!!!"

Soooooooooooo...

Bob was in trouble.

He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry.

She told him "Tomorrow morning,

I expect to find a gift in the driveway

that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds

AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning he got up early

and left for work.

When his wife woke up,

she looked out the window and

sure enough

there was a box gift-wrapped

in the middle of the driveway.

Confused,

the wife put on her robe and

ran out to the driveway,

brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found

a brand new bathroom scale…..

Bob has been missing since Friday...

And Then

An Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman

were talking about screams of passion.

The Italian said:

"Last night I massaged my wife all over her body

with the finest extra virgin olive oil,

then we made passionate love and

I made her scream, non stop, for five minutes."

The Frenchman said:

"Last night I massaged my wife all over her body

with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and

then we made passionate love.

I made her scream for fifteen minutes."

The Englishman said:

That's nothing!

Last night I massaged my wife all over her body

with a special butter.

I caressed her entire body with the butter,

and then made love and I made her scream

for two long hours."

The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked,

"Two full hours? ........wow! That's phenomenal.

How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"

The Englishman replied:

"I wiped my hands on the curtains..."

OK... gotta run but here's one mo fo ya...

Friday night, Mick went to his friend Paddy and said,

"Paddy, I need a favour -

I'm sleeping with the bartender's wife.

Can you hold him in the pub for an hour after he closes up?"

Paddy was not very fond of the idea,

but being Mick's lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.

After the pub closed,

Paddy struck up a conversation with the bartender

asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied.

After some time, the bartender became suspicious and asked,

"Paddy what are you really up to with all this?"

Paddy, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse,

confessed to the bartender and said,

"I'm sorry Seamus,

my friend Mick is sleeping with your wife right now

and asked me to keep you occupied."

The bartender smiled and

putting a brotherly hand on Paddy's shoulder, said

"Paddy I think you'd better hurry home,

my wife died two years ago."

X 3!!!

Reminds me of a guy I knew...

A man walks into a bar with revolver saying: Who fucked my wife?!

Everyone is silent and then guy in back of the bar says: Mate, you aint got anough bullets.

S2DG said:

Reminds me of a guy I knew...

A man walks into a bar with revolver saying: Who fucked my wife?!

Everyone is silent and then guy in back of the bar says: Mate, you aint got anough bullets.

.......................................................................................................................................

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.

By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

..................................................................................................................................

George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.

"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

purplethunder3121 said:

.......................................................................................................................................

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.

By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

..................................................................................................................................

George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.

"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

EmmaMcG said:

Every morning when I leave my house I'm attacked by the same bike. It's a vicious cycle.