"muthafucka... this is life..."

i watched a Lexus mechanic removing a

cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when

he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager

to come and take a look at his car

when the mechanic shouted across the garage

"Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised,

walked over to where the mechanic was working.

The mechanic straightened up,

wiped his hands on a rag and asked

"So Doc, look at this engine.

I opened its heart, took the valves out,

repaired or replaced anything damaged,

and then put everything back in, and when I finished,

it worked just like new.

So how is it that I make $48,000 a year

and you make $1.7M,

when you and I are doing basically

the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, leaned over,

and then whispered to the mechanic

"Try doing it with the engine running".

_______________________________________

it's not like i'm listenin

but some things just can't be missed

________________________________________

Wife asks her husband

"Could you please go shopping for me and buy

one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back

with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him

"Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied "They had avocados".

_______________________________________

Saw two great numbers plates on

his and hers vehicals.

ERNA and SPNDA

_______________________________________

this man and woman were workin together and

the woman says to him "watch this...

i'm gonna get the boss to give me the day off"

the guy asked 'how'

she says "just wait watch and see..."

she climbs up on some stuff

then hangs from the ceilin.

the boss comes in sees her hangin there

and asks "what are you doin???"

she replies "i'm a lightbulb"...

the boss orders "you been workin too hard

you need to take the day off... go home..."

as she picked up her belongins

and headed for the door

the guy gets his shit to leave with her...

the bos says

"Hey!!! what do you think you're doin????"

and he replies

"you don't expect me to work in the dark

do you???"

______________________________________

DIDJAKNOW:

If you glue a wasp to the palm of your hand

You can smack your boss in the

back of the head as hard as you want

and act like you just saved they life...

______________________________________

Yeeeeeeah....

bein all positive and nice to erbody

is great... BUT

have you ever dropped a good

"FUKKK YOU!!!"

on someone you didn't like???

that shit makes the sun rise...

_______________________________________

XxAxX said:

XxAxX said:

XxAxX said:

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest.






Is this thing on? Try the clam chowder and please tip your waitresses...

S2DG said:

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest.






Is this thing on? Try the clam chowder and please tip your waitresses...

Guess not...

S2DG said:

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

S2DG said:

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest.






Is this thing on? Try the clam chowder and please tip your waitresses...

S2DG said:

S2DG said:

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest.






Is this thing on? Try the clam chowder and please tip your waitresses...

Guess not...

now you know the feelin

KingBAD said:

now you know the feelin