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"you ain't funky at all, you just a little ol' prude" • An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT... 
STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
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Dimwitted and flushed, Sgt. John Head was frustrated by his constipated attempts to arrest the so-called ‘Bathroom Burglar’ until, while wiping his brow, he realized that each victim had been robbed in a men’s room, thereby focusing his attention on the janitor, whose cleaning habits clearly established a commodus operandi. i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
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An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. .
"I don’t know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!" ............................................................................
The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.
.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." .
"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?" "Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato
https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0 | |
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"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato
https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0 | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 90th birthday by
staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..
When she checked out the next morning,
the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high
"I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth
£250:00 for just an overnight stay -
I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate,'
and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced:
"This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool
and a huge conference centre which are available for use.
" "But I didn't use them."
''Well, they are here, and you could have."
He went on to explain that she could also have seen
one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.
"We have the best entertainers from all over the world performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.." She Pleaded.
"Well, we have them, and you could have." was the reply.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned,
she replied, "But I didn't use it!"
and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved,
she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to him.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque.
"But Madam, this check is for only £50.00"
"That's correct" she replied
"I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me."
"But I didn't sleep with you madam!" said the manager
"Well, too bad,
I was here, and you could have."!! ……… i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
