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Thread started 09/20/20 2:11pm

KingBAD

"get up bitch... NASTY BITCH!!!"

"RENT'S DUE CUZZIN'!!!"

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom

while grandma was dusting furniture,

he looked up and said,

"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied,

"Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.

I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long.

The TV evangelists keep me company and

make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh.

I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible.

She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV

hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring

so he hurried to open the door.
When he opened the door,

there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said,

"Hello son is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied,

"Yeah, she's in the bedroom

bangin' her boyfriend."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

===========================================

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on,

she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg

to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,

she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,

thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg

She tried to take the step,

only to discover that she could not.

So, a little more embarrassed,

she once again reached behind her to unzip

her skirt a little more,

and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin,

she could not raise her leg with a little smile to the driver,

she again reached behind to unzip a little more

and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her

picked her up easily by the waist and

placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,

'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled,

'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,

but after you unzipped my fly three times,

I kinda figured we was friends."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle.

He finally finds one for a great price,

but it's missing a seal,

so whenever it rains,

he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
His girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents.
He rides his new bike to her house,

where she is outside waiting for him.

"No matter what happens at dinner tonight,

don't say a word."
She tells him,

"Our family had a fight awhile ago about doing dishes.

We haven't done any since,

but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it.

Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen,

and nobody is saying a word.
So Steve decides to have a little fun.

He grabs his girlfriend,

throws her on the table and plants a big kiss in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered,

her dad is obviously livid,

and her mom horrified when he sits back down,

but no one says a word.
A few minutes later he grabs her mom,

throws her on the table,

and does a repeat performance.
Now his girlfriend is furious,

her dad is boiling,

and her mother is a little happier.

But still there is complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder,

and it starts to rain.
Steve remembers his motorcycle.

He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.
When he witnesses this,

his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams,

"Okay, enough already, I'll do the dishes!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

====================================================

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #1 posted 09/20/20 2:14pm

luv4u

Moderator

avatar

moderator

lol

Edmonton, AB - canada
Mod Goddess of the SNIP & BAN Making Moves - OF4S
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture!
REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince
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Reply #2 posted 09/21/20 7:26am

KingBAD

luv4u said:

lol

i know you see the titles and think 'OH SHIT!!!'

then remember they a quote....

lol lol lol lol lol lol

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #3 posted 09/21/20 7:37am

KingBAD

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONAL AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in

Downtown Savannah night before last.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket

that you demanded that I hand over,

shortly after you pulled the knife on

me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you some how

come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment;

I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants

when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket..

The evening was not that cold,

and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely

from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan ..

She had
just bought me that Kimber Custom Model

1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday,

and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you agree that it is

a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ...

isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back

to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants.

I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed

since I made you leave your shoes,

cell phone, and wallet with me.
(That prevented you from calling or running

to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or "Momma"

as you had her listed in your cell,

I explained the entire episode of what you'd done.

Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those

of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card.

The guy with the big motor home took

153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy

outside Vinnie Van Go Go's,

along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile"

that was parked at the curb .....

after I broke the windshield and side window

and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Earlier,

I managed to get in two threatening phone calls

to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Trump as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense

and we had a nice long chat

(I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ...

but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment

for your threatened crime.

I wish you well as you try to sort through

some of these rather immediate pressing issues,

and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,

and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life..

Remember,

next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Semper Fi

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #4 posted 09/21/20 8:26am

2freaky4church
1

avatar

u nut

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #5 posted 09/21/20 8:38am

2freaky4church
1

avatar

"eye wrote this while looking in the mirror."

giggle

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #6 posted 09/21/20 10:36am

purplethunder3
121

avatar

KingBAD said:

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONAL AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in

Downtown Savannah night before last.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket

that you demanded that I hand over,

shortly after you pulled the knife on

me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you some how

come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment;

I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants

when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket..

The evening was not that cold,

and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely

from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan ..

She had
just bought me that Kimber Custom Model

1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday,

and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you agree that it is

a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ...

isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back

to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants.

I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed

since I made you leave your shoes,

cell phone, and wallet with me.
(That prevented you from calling or running

to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or "Momma"

as you had her listed in your cell,

I explained the entire episode of what you'd done.

Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those

of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card.

The guy with the big motor home took

153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy

outside Vinnie Van Go Go's,

along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile"

that was parked at the curb .....

after I broke the windshield and side window

and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Earlier,

I managed to get in two threatening phone calls

to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Trump as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense

and we had a nice long chat

(I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ...

but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment

for your threatened crime.

I wish you well as you try to sort through

some of these rather immediate pressing issues,

and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,

and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life..

Remember,

next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Semper Fi

Oh, f$%k!

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato
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Reply #7 posted 09/21/20 10:02pm

KingBAD

2freaky4church1 said:

u nut

"come here, take my hand, I'll show U..."

lol lol lol lol lol lol

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #8 posted 09/22/20 10:36am

KingBAD

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE.
AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER,

ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER,

" WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL

ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"
THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED,

"INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER,

BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER,

SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE

AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."
"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM"

THE OTHER NUN REPLIED AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK

AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.
THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE

WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER.
"WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR"

THE NUN SAID,

"BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.
WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED

UNDER THE COUNTER, PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS,

AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.

HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE,

SMILED, AND SAID:

"THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE.

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #9 posted 09/22/20 1:01pm

purplethunder3
121

avatar

KingBAD said:

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE.
AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER,

ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER,

" WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL

ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"
THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED,

"INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER,

BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER,

SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE

AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."
"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM"

THE OTHER NUN REPLIED AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK

AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.
THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE

WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER.
"WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR"

THE NUN SAID,

"BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.
WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED

UNDER THE COUNTER, PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS,

AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.

HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE,

SMILED, AND SAID:

"THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE.

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol drink

......................................................................................................

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

.

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

.

Now, how about that drink?"

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato
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Reply #10 posted 09/22/20 4:49pm

S2DG

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker.

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Reply #11 posted 09/22/20 4:52pm

S2DG


Husband walks in & says I've been so busy I don t know if I'm coming or going.

Wife says, "by the look on your face, you're going....Because when you're cuming you look like a fuckin' stroke victim trying to whistle!!"

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Reply #12 posted 09/23/20 7:34am

KingBAD

purplethunder3121 said:

KingBAD said:

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE.
AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER,

ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER,

" WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL

ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"
THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED,

"INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER,

BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER,

SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE

AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."
"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM"

THE OTHER NUN REPLIED AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK

AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.
THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE

WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER.
"WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR"

THE NUN SAID,

"BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.
WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED

UNDER THE COUNTER, PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS,

AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER.

HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE,

SMILED, AND SAID:

"THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE.

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol drink

......................................................................................................

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

.

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

.

Now, how about that drink?"

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #13 posted 09/23/20 7:36am

KingBAD

S2DG said:

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker.

lol lol lol lol lol lol

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #14 posted 09/23/20 7:37am

KingBAD

lol

lol

lol

lol

S2DG said:


Husband walks in & says I've been so busy I don t know if I'm coming or going.

Wife says, "by the look on your face, you're going....Because when you're cuming you look like a fuckin' stroke victim trying to whistle!!"

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #15 posted 09/23/20 8:45am

purplethunder3
121

avatar

S2DG said:


Husband walks in & says I've been so busy I don t know if I'm coming or going.

Wife says, "by the look on your face, you're going....Because when you're cuming you look like a fuckin' stroke victim trying to whistle!!"

spit

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato
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Reply #16 posted 09/24/20 3:55pm

XxAxX

avatar

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!! lol lol lol lol lol

KingBAD said:

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONAL AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in

Downtown Savannah night before last.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket

that you demanded that I hand over,

shortly after you pulled the knife on

me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you some how

come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment;

I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants

when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket..

The evening was not that cold,

and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely

from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan ..

She had
just bought me that Kimber Custom Model

1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday,

and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you agree that it is

a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ...

isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back

to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants.

I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed

since I made you leave your shoes,

cell phone, and wallet with me.
(That prevented you from calling or running

to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or "Momma"

as you had her listed in your cell,

I explained the entire episode of what you'd done.

Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those

of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card.

The guy with the big motor home took

153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy

outside Vinnie Van Go Go's,

along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile"

that was parked at the curb .....

after I broke the windshield and side window

and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Earlier,

I managed to get in two threatening phone calls

to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Trump as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense

and we had a nice long chat

(I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ...

but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment

for your threatened crime.

I wish you well as you try to sort through

some of these rather immediate pressing issues,

and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,

and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life..

Remember,

next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Semper Fi

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Reply #17 posted 09/24/20 3:58pm

XxAxX

avatar

images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcSG3gMtaVJH00FcUqhFA0qDamTlZ-BEQJ4VjQ&usqp=CAU

[Edited 9/24/20 16:01pm]

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Reply #18 posted 09/24/20 4:03pm

XxAxX

avatar

Imgur | Naughty humor, Ecards funny, Inappropriate quote

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Reply #19 posted 09/25/20 10:20pm

KingBAD

XxAxX said:

images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcSG3gMtaVJH00FcUqhFA0qDamTlZ-BEQJ4VjQ&usqp=CAU

[Edited 9/24/20 16:01pm]

lol lol lol lol lol

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #20 posted 09/25/20 10:26pm

KingBAD

Jack, a handsome man,
walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar
and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man
on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said,
"Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,
the guy did a swan dive off of the building,
falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying,
"Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money,
I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and
knew he would jump."
The blonde replies,
"I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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