"g... g.. gimme the beat now!"

Maria had just gotten married,

and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin.

On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house,
she was very nervous.

Her mother reassured her;

'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man.

Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went.

When she got upstairs,

Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.

Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says,
'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother,

'all good men have hairy chests..Go upstairs.

He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again..

When she got up in the bedroom,

Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.

Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.

'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs.

Tony's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you..'

So, up she went again.

When she got there,

Tony took off his socks and on his left foot

he was missing three toes.

When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.

'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said,

'Stay here and stir the pasta.'

A kid was in class and

his teacher asked him to give an example

of bad bizness management.
The kid says 'a pregnant hooker'...
The teacher shoots back
'Ha!!! She the first lady now ain't she???'

KingBAD said:

"g... g.. gimme the beat now!"

Maria had just gotten married,

and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin.

On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house,
she was very nervous.

Her mother reassured her;

'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man.

Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went.

When she got upstairs,

Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.

Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says,
'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother,

'all good men have hairy chests..Go upstairs.

He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again..

When she got up in the bedroom,

Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.

Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.

'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs.

Tony's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you..'

So, up she went again.

When she got there,

Tony took off his socks and on his left foot

he was missing three toes.

When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.

'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said,

'Stay here and stir the pasta.'

EmmaMcG said:

My friend just told me that she hopes I die in a big hole filled with water. But I know she means well.

i hope you are joking but just in case you aren't.

XxAxX said:

EmmaMcG said:

My friend just told me that she hopes I die in a big hole filled with water. But I know she means well.

i hope you are joking but just in case you aren't.

“Job interviewer to Jack: “What is your biggest weakness?”

Jack: “Honesty”

Job interviewer: “Honesty? I don’t think that is a weakness.”

Jack: “I don’t give a shit about what you think.”

S2DG said:

“Job interviewer to Jack: “What is your biggest weakness?”

Jack: “Honesty”

Job interviewer: “Honesty? I don’t think that is a weakness.”

Jack: “I don’t give a shit about what you think.”

"KingBAD… you want me to swivel in your love seat, don't you, babe?"

i went to donate blood today

HOWEVER,

they just kept askin me

all these questions...

"Who's blood is this?"

"Where did you get it?"

"I can't stand tight asses in my place!"

S2DG said:

XxAxX said:

i hope you are joking but just in case you aren't.

i say, "Hey Baby What's Up?"

She says, "I have a boyfriend".

i say, "I have a math test"

KingBAD said:

i say, "Hey Baby What's Up?"

She says, "I have a boyfriend".

i say, "I have a math test"

The girl says, "What's that got to do with anything?",

so i yell her,

"I thought we were just naming

things we are going to cheat on."

Good one!

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A manager has two great employees...

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Jack and Jill were getting married.
Jack was talking to his dad about the marriage when his dad says,
“I remember when your mom and I got married.
I took off my pants, gave them to her, and told her to put them on.”
“I can’t wear these,” she said.
“Darn right,” he said, “I wear the pants in this family, and you’d better remember that.”
“I think I’ll try that on Jill,” Jack said.
He went to Jill, took off his pants, and gave them to her.
“Put these on,” he said.
Jill replied, “I can’t wear these.”
“Darn right. I wear the pants in this family and you’d better remember that,” he said.
Then Jill took off her pants, gave them to him, and told him to put them on.
“I can’t get in to these,” he said.
“Darn right,” Jill said. “And if you don’t change your attitude you never will!”

purplethunder3121 said:

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Jack and Jill went up a hill.

They both had a buck and a quarter

Jill came down with two-and-a-half

You think they went up for water?

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A manager has two great employees...

A manager has two great employees, Jack and Jill. Due to budget constraints, he knows he has to fire one of them. He decides to meet with each employee, be upfront with them, and then make his sad decision. Both of them are outside of his office, and he asks Jill to step inside. Less than 15 seconds later, Jill storms out of there and slams the door behind her.

Jack walks in and says "I guess you decided to let her go?"

Boss man has a bewildered look on his face and says "I never even got the chance to! All I said was 'I'm trying to decide whether to lay you or Jack off.'"

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Jack and Jill were getting married.
Jack was talking to his dad about the marriage when his dad says,
“I remember when your mom and I got married.
I took off my pants, gave them to her, and told her to put them on.”
“I can’t wear these,” she said.
“Darn right,” he said, “I wear the pants in this family, and you’d better remember that.”
“I think I’ll try that on Jill,” Jack said.
He went to Jill, took off his pants, and gave them to her.
“Put these on,” he said.
Jill replied, “I can’t wear these.”
“Darn right. I wear the pants in this family and you’d better remember that,” he said.
Then Jill took off her pants, gave them to him, and told him to put them on.
“I can’t get in to these,” he said.
“Darn right,” Jill said. “And if you don’t change your attitude you never will!”