Me: Can I ask you a question?

You: What is it?

Me: It's an interrogative form of sentence, used to test knowledge.

But that's not important right now.

"Surely you can't be serious"


"I am serious and don't call me Shirley"

XxAxX said:

now that's a hand...

but you'll never 'high five' with it....

S2DG said:

"Surely you can't be serious"


"I am serious and don't call me Shirley"

KingBAD said:

S2DG said:

RJOrion said:

S2DG said:

"Surely you can't be serious"


"I am serious and don't call me Shirley"

that movie wouldnt make it today...not with the implied pedophile pilot scene: "you ever seen a grown man naked?" "joey, you ever hang around the gymnasium?" [Edited 6/17/20 4:55am]

"Do you like movies about gladiators Joey?"

So many jokes in one movie it's like a Gilbert Gotfried set, just one right after another.

[Edited 6/17/20 13:26pm]

S2DG said:

RJOrion said:

S2DG said: that movie wouldnt make it today...not with the implied pedophile pilot scene: "you ever seen a grown man naked?" "joey, you ever hang around the gymnasium?" [Edited 6/17/20 4:55am]

"Do you like movies about gladiators Joey?"

So many jokes in one movie it's like a Gilbert Gotfried set, just one right after another.

[Edited 6/17/20 13:26pm]

Beware of what you ask for...

.......................................................

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, �Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me.� And Jesus looked at me and said, �You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

.

� Last night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said, "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?"

.

I've always said my career is somewhere between children's programming and hard-core porn.

.

With (Katrina), it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

.

How exactly do they prove that you've been masturbating? Do they dust for prints?

.

A Man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says "I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers" The man goes "Thank god I don't have cancer"

.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
.

purplethunder3121 said:

S2DG said:

"Do you like movies about gladiators Joey?"

So many jokes in one movie it's like a Gilbert Gotfried set, just one right after another.

[Edited 6/17/20 13:26pm]

Beware of what you ask for...

.......................................................

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, �Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me.� And Jesus looked at me and said, �You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

.

� Last night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said, "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?"

.

I've always said my career is somewhere between children's programming and hard-core porn.

.

With (Katrina), it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

.

How exactly do they prove that you've been masturbating? Do they dust for prints?

.

A Man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says "I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers" The man goes "Thank god I don't have cancer"

.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
.

purplethunder3121 said:

S2DG said:

"Do you like movies about gladiators Joey?"

So many jokes in one movie it's like a Gilbert Gotfried set, just one right after another.

[Edited 6/17/20 13:26pm]

Beware of what you ask for...

.......................................................

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, �Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me.� And Jesus looked at me and said, �You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

.

� Last night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said, "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?"

.

I've always said my career is somewhere between children's programming and hard-core porn.

.

With (Katrina), it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

.

How exactly do they prove that you've been masturbating? Do they dust for prints?

.

A Man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says "I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers" The man goes "Thank god I don't have cancer"

.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
.

One good turn...

"Last night I said to my girlfriend, 'You've got no tits.' She said, 'Get off my back."

“A boy is talking to his mother. He asks, ‘Where do babies come from?’ She says, ‘They come from the stork.’ He goes, ‘Oh yeah? Who fucks the stork?”

S2DG said:

purplethunder3121 said:

Beware of what you ask for...

.......................................................

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, �Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me.� And Jesus looked at me and said, �You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

.

� Last night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said, "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?"

.

I've always said my career is somewhere between children's programming and hard-core porn.

.

With (Katrina), it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

.

How exactly do they prove that you've been masturbating? Do they dust for prints?

.

A Man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says "I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers" The man goes "Thank god I don't have cancer"

.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
.

One good turn...

"Last night I said to my girlfriend, 'You've got no tits.' She said, 'Get off my back."

“A boy is talking to his mother. He asks, ‘Where do babies come from?’ She says, ‘They come from the stork.’ He goes, ‘Oh yeah? Who fucks the stork?”

S2DG said:

purplethunder3121 said:

Beware of what you ask for...

.......................................................

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, �Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me.� And Jesus looked at me and said, �You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

.

� Last night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said, "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?"

.

I've always said my career is somewhere between children's programming and hard-core porn.

.

With (Katrina), it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

.

How exactly do they prove that you've been masturbating? Do they dust for prints?

.

A Man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says "I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers" The man goes "Thank god I don't have cancer"

.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
.

One good turn...

"Last night I said to my girlfriend, 'You've got no tits.' She said, 'Get off my back."

“A boy is talking to his mother. He asks, ‘Where do babies come from?’ She says, ‘They come from the stork.’ He goes, ‘Oh yeah? Who fucks the stork?”

One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says," Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing"?

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious"?)

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to write you up a ticket."

"For reading a book"? she replies.

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again.

"But officer, I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay a fine."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he immediately departed.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece!!

KingBAD said:

One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says," Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing"?

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious"?)

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to write you up a ticket."

"For reading a book"? she replies.

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again.

"But officer, I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay a fine."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he immediately departed.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece!!

KingBAD said:

"I simply like my voice."

A man get stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.

Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish.
Warden: your pet fish? How's that?
Man: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night.
Warden: Well that's just a crock of lies!!
Man: here I'll show you... (Releases the fish in the lake)
Warden: well this I got to see!!
5 minutes later...
Warden: well??
Man: what?
Warden: the fish!! Where's your pet fish??
Man: what fish???

Bubba always came back from fishing with a lot of fish.

The game warden saw him one day and asked

how he caught so many.

Bubba invited him to fish the next day and the warden said yes.

Once they get to the fishing spot,

Bubba takes out a stick of dynamite,

lights it,

throws it in the water,

and the resulting explosion causes many fish

to come to the surface and Bubba picks them up.

The warden yells,

"Bubba, you can't fish like that, it's illegal!"

KingBAD said:

KingBAD said:

Wanted a recipe for pulled pork,

so i googled "How to pull my own pork."

THAT IS NOT HOW YOU PREPARE PULLED PORK.