"if U didn't come 2 party chill..."

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.

When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well.

We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.

Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's

and the other one tested positive for HIV.

We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?'

questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for

these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you

drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

.

The Pope and Colonel Sanders of KFC are having a conversation about the change to the Lord's Prayer.

purplethunder3121 said:

.

The Pope and Colonel Sanders of KFC are having a conversation about the change to the Lord's Prayer.

"Your Holiness," Sanders began. "You must make another change. Instead of give us today our daily bread, make it give us today our daily chicken."

"I cannot change these words!" The Pope was astounded. "They are ingrained in our very heritage!"

They negotiated until the Colonel finaly said, "Look. A **half-billion dollars** will go to the church, right now, if you change those words, and make it 'our daily chicken'."

The Pope could not see any way of saying no, and reluctantly agreed to the offer. He returned to the clergy chambers where fellow cardinals were waiting.

"I've got good news and bad news, gentlemen. The good news is we now have 500 million dollars to work on our churches."

"Wow! How could there be bad news?! What is it??"

"Well," he paused. "We lost the Wonderbread account."

A burglar broke into a house one night.

He shined his flashlight around,

looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

KingBAD said:

A burglar broke into a house one night.

He shined his flashlight around,

looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin,

clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more,

he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so

he could disconnect the wires,

clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically,

looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room,

his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed,

then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed.

'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed.

'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'