It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.!

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed

.......so we're just waiting.

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There was an old married Jewish couple, and they were bored with their sex life.

One day, the husband said that he was going to go downtown and check out the peep show's to get some ideas. His wife agreed, saying that she was willing to try anything new.

When the husband returned, she asked "Well, did you learn anything"?

He replied "Well, they do the same things we do, they just moan a lot".

She said that she would try moaning in bed too.

That evening, while having sex, the wife asked "Can I moan now"?

He said "No, not yet".

A little while later, she asked again "Can I moan now"?

Again the husband said "No, not just yet".

Finally, she asked again "Can I moan now"?

He said "YES! Yes! You can moan NOW"!

The wife: "Well, I went to the store today and they did not have what I wanted. Oy! I hate when that happens"!

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The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

SUNDAY MORNING SEX

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong.”

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “and if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”

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purplethunder3121 said:

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SUNDAY MORNING SEX

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong.”

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “and if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”

.

KingBAD said: