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Thread started 01/03/20 3:19pm

AvocadosMax

How did you get over a broken heart?

I think this is ok to post this here. Mentally i’m just exhausted and can’t focus. Never been hurt like this

Backstory: the past 4 weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I have anxiety and depression issues as it is. Anyways, this girl I’ve been dating; her and i had a bit of an argument on the 4th of December. By the end of the night, i said sorry, she said it wasn’t my fault and told me sorry for lack of communication. Thought everything was ok. When I dropped her off she said she wanted to continue dating. Until like maybe 2 days later or so she calls me and says “Avocado (just using my org name), i just think i should be single atm”

Obviously i got upset. We didn’t talk until two days later when we saw each other at work (both work in a grocery store). I gave her the eyes and made her laugh like usual. She wanted to go to Walmart after work and we got off at the same time so I said “tell ya dad i’ll take ya”

And so we ate Chick Fil A in the parking lot, she got what she wanted there, then we kissed, made-out. So i thought everything was starting up again

3 or so days later, she posts that she’s “single” on her story. So i was heartbroken as i was right there because i thought things were ok and apparently they weren’t. She later said it was ‘just a joke’

She eventually starting talking again, and I asked if we were ‘talking-talking’ and she said yes

So back n forth leading up to Christmas. I got her a gift anyways.

On Christmas day, she posts she got a “promise ring” from a guy and I didn’t give her that. Later find out it was from her toxic ex and ig they’re back together now


It just kills me how after that night of drama, led to all of this. I thought everything was ok. I stated where I was wrong. Idk maybe this would have still happened if that drama never happened. But yeah this really hurt me. I did feel i loved her, but i might have just loved how she loved me. Idk it just hurts. “Do Yourself a Favor” and “Another Love” is what been helping but thats wearing off.
[Edited 1/3/20 15:20pm]
[Edited 1/3/20 15:21pm]
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Reply #1 posted 01/03/20 3:21pm

AvocadosMax

I’m heavy on 808s Kanye and Kid Cudi rn
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Reply #2 posted 01/03/20 3:25pm

AvocadosMax

But before then everything was cool. We were great dating. She was really into me sad
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Reply #3 posted 01/03/20 3:38pm

Pokeno4Money

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The best way to get over someone, is to immediately get under someone else.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #4 posted 01/03/20 4:07pm

ThatWhiteDude

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Pokeno4Money said:

The best way to get over someone, is to immediately get under someone else.


Dude, Wtf?? He's actually trying to get serious Tipps. You're trying to be a comedian now?


Avocado, I don't think I can give you a good advice, but what I can definitely tell you is that it takes time to get over grieving, so take all the time you need for yourself to recover from this.

Try to find a way to distract you from the subject, do whatever makes you feel good about yourself, what makes you feel confident etc. Focus on yourself for now.

I know it might sound like a cliché but, you'll find the right person eventually.

And you really can get over your broken heart, but it takes it's time.

I wish I could offer a better advice, but I'm really not that good at it.
"Like books and BLACK LIVES, Albums still MATTER."


"Extra cheese, extra HAM, extra bullshit" -DiminutiveRocker
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Reply #5 posted 01/03/20 4:10pm

ThisOne

I had sex but it felt wrong at first.... so i started doing things like bushwalking long drives to secluded beach movies theatre and pampered myself with pedicures massages facials i also read books and well-being magazines .

Its taken 4 months and now i am ok 💜
Art Official Age
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Reply #6 posted 01/03/20 5:14pm

EmmaMcG

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My first boyfriend kind of left me in a similar manner. We got together when I was 13 and he was 14. I won't go into too much detail but he was there for me when I really needed it. He was everything to me. Then, when we left school 4 years later he got a job and I spent my time traveling back and forth to the UK, modelling for a while but eventually got signed to a record label. We kind of drifted apart but never really broke up. Then one day he tells me he's seeing this girl he works with and that he really likes her. I was happy for him but heartbroken. He was still always there for me when I needed him. Always helping me out with family issues and stuff. And I owe him everything for helping me out with another thing. Like I said, I won't go into detail but he definitely saved my life. Which made it all the harder for me to get over him.

But I did, eventually. A few relationships came and went over the next few years, and I had my daughter during that time and she filled that void for me. Before meeting my husband I did have my heart broken one more time though. I was seeing someone, a girl this time, for about 2 years and I was deeply in love with her. I think she felt the same way. She got my name and my daughter's name tattooed on her. We'd even talked about getting married. Then I met my husband and fell in love with him. Breaking up with my girlfriend was even worse than having my first love break up with me because this time it was me who was doing the leaving. And knowing that I was hurting her as much as I was hurt before was tough. To say the least.

But again, I got over it. And you will too. Either in time or when you meet someone else. Whichever comes first. Being in love with someone who doesn't love you is horrible. But it happens to everyone. You're not alone. And like everyone else, you'll be ok.
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Reply #7 posted 01/03/20 8:08pm

Pokeno4Money

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ThatWhiteDude said:

Dude, Wtf?? He's actually trying to get serious Tipps.


I was totally being serious. It is much, MUCH more difficult to move on by yourself. Finding someone else, even if just short term, helps you focus on something (someone) other than your ex. It's a mindgame more than anything, just like work helps take your mind off your ex during the day. Gotta find something (or someone) to prevent being preoccupied by your ex.

No need to criticize other people's advice just because you haven't applied it in the past, this isn't a contest here.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #8 posted 01/03/20 8:22pm

RJP1205

You're not alone, everyone goes through this so keep your chin up! Stay away from her social media. Keep yourself busy. It's a great time to start a workout routine, read, catch up with family/friends. Work on you...taking care of yourself and being the best version of yourself. You deserve a mutually exclusive relationship. Know your worth and when the time comes for your next relationship (don't rush it) don't settle. You got this and you will come out stronger!
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Reply #9 posted 01/04/20 5:45am

ThatWhiteDude

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Pokeno4Money said:



ThatWhiteDude said:





Dude, Wtf?? He's actually trying to get serious Tipps.


I was totally being serious. It is much, MUCH more difficult to move on by yourself. Finding someone else, even if just short term, helps you focus on something (someone) other than your ex. It's a mindgame more than anything, just like work helps take your mind off your ex during the day. Gotta find something (or someone) to prevent being preoccupied by your ex.

No need to criticize other people's advice just because you haven't applied it in the past, this isn't a contest here.


Then I'm sorry, it looked like you were trying to make a bad joke
"Like books and BLACK LIVES, Albums still MATTER."


"Extra cheese, extra HAM, extra bullshit" -DiminutiveRocker
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Reply #10 posted 01/04/20 7:11am

alphastreet

In situations like this, one has to let time run its course and also take things one day at a time. I don’t know if I agree dating someone else right away as a rebound or to fill a void, but maybe finding a new hobby or interest will help get your mind off her. And to tackle the anxiety/depression, giving yourself positive affirmations to remember every day can help
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Reply #11 posted 01/04/20 9:37am

AvocadosMax

Thanks purple fam
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Reply #12 posted 01/04/20 10:17am

Monarch

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Man I'm not the one to give advice on this lol. I use to get so attached to girls. I got engaged multiple times. Time is really what heals all. I'm praying for ya. This particular girl doesn't sound like someone u should be dating anyway. Girls can be pretty fickle. U gotta be careful about women. U gotta know what kind of person she is before choosing to date her. Avoiding sex can help you not fall in love to fast. Not falling in love is tricky & I'm not saying not to do it (otherwise what's the point right). But take @ least 3 months coarting her & get to know her. A few months frolicking in the bed isn't love, it's fantasy. Infatuation isn't love, it's something you've created in your mind.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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Reply #13 posted 01/04/20 1:36pm

Pokeno4Money

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ThatWhiteDude said:

Then I'm sorry, it looked like you were trying to make a bad joke


Thank you. FTR I typically don't joke, my humour isn't very good. Ironically the exact opposite tends to happen when I'm joking, as people then tend to think I'm serious. Then I get in trouble for it. LOL

Happy New Year to you dude.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #14 posted 01/04/20 10:10pm

2045RadicalMat
tZ

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Damn. Well, sounds very short term,... sounded a little bit like coaxing you. But most likely eh, some chicks live like that.

They'll thump it a couple times and then act like nothing happened and then just say to themselves with relief "i needed that".

Maybe you were "revenge pudding" or some petty shit like that.

Think OUTSIDE it looking in, Maybe you were going to face her exit just the same way. A LOT of people (men/women) don't really apply much weight to intimacy or sex like it might be thought of to a caring heart.


This doesn't resolve anything but at least make yourself aware of those decisions you've seen unfold and realize that it's probably not something that would've done you any good at all.
♫"Trollin, Trolling! We could have fun just trollin'!"♫
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Reply #15 posted 01/05/20 6:39pm

poppys

AvocadosMax said:

I think this is ok to post this here. Mentally i’m just exhausted and can’t focus. Never been hurt like this Backstory: the past 4 weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I have anxiety and depression issues as it is. Anyways, this girl I’ve been dating; her and i had a bit of an argument on the 4th of December. By the end of the night, i said sorry, she said it wasn’t my fault and told me sorry for lack of communication. Thought everything was ok. When I dropped her off she said she wanted to continue dating. Until like maybe 2 days later or so she calls me and says “Avocado (just using my org name), i just think i should be single atm” Obviously i got upset. We didn’t talk until two days later when we saw each other at work (both work in a grocery store). I gave her the eyes and made her laugh like usual. She wanted to go to Walmart after work and we got off at the same time so I said “tell ya dad i’ll take ya” And so we ate Chick Fil A in the parking lot, she got what she wanted there, then we kissed, made-out. So i thought everything was starting up again 3 or so days later, she posts that she’s “single” on her story. So i was heartbroken as i was right there because i thought things were ok and apparently they weren’t. She later said it was ‘just a joke’ She eventually starting talking again, and I asked if we were ‘talking-talking’ and she said yes So back n forth leading up to Christmas. I got her a gift anyways. On Christmas day, she posts she got a “promise ring” from a guy and I didn’t give her that. Later find out it was from her toxic ex and ig they’re back together now It just kills me how after that night of drama, led to all of this. I thought everything was ok. I stated where I was wrong. Idk maybe this would have still happened if that drama never happened. But yeah this really hurt me. I did feel i loved her, but i might have just loved how she loved me. Idk it just hurts. “Do Yourself a Favor” and “Another Love” is what been helping but thats wearing off.


Okay AvocadosMax (always loved your ID, now it makes more sense), first things first. hug because bheart SUCKS!

Pointing out that you got a double whammy here because it happened during the "Holidays" - which are loaded with beaucoup "Happiness" baggage.

It is perfectly OK to be standing in front of the frig with no pants on, eating cold pizza and ice cream, swigging wine from the bottle and smoking pot (or whatever your equivalent is). But don't drive while you're doing it, and don't allow it to go on too long. When in doubt, take a shower and regroup.

As others have suggested, do good things for YOURSELF, but taking up an entirely new endeavor may result in your hating that "hobby" for the rest of your life when this blows over. (Such as ballroom dancing or aerobics from my generation). I suggest you do more of what you know you already like that makes you feel good.

It is very possible that the ex felt his old love having feelings for someone else and needed to reel her back in with a "promise ring" ugh, (again, holidays). The fact that she wasn't straightforward with you about getting back with him is telling (but how)?

I'm saying she may boomerang back to you, there's a really good chance, imo. Second tries don't always pan out, there was a reason why it didn't work the first time. Consider what you would do if she comes back, and how to continue with her if it does - what U need in a relationship. Try to think of some personal guidelines beforehand.

Still, be open to at least talking to other single people, for companionship and perspective if nothing else. Bar trivia night - whatever.

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Reply #16 posted 01/05/20 7:17pm

AvocadosMax

poppys said:



AvocadosMax said:


I think this is ok to post this here. Mentally i’m just exhausted and can’t focus. Never been hurt like this Backstory: the past 4 weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I have anxiety and depression issues as it is. Anyways, this girl I’ve been dating; her and i had a bit of an argument on the 4th of December. By the end of the night, i said sorry, she said it wasn’t my fault and told me sorry for lack of communication. Thought everything was ok. When I dropped her off she said she wanted to continue dating. Until like maybe 2 days later or so she calls me and says “Avocado (just using my org name), i just think i should be single atm” Obviously i got upset. We didn’t talk until two days later when we saw each other at work (both work in a grocery store). I gave her the eyes and made her laugh like usual. She wanted to go to Walmart after work and we got off at the same time so I said “tell ya dad i’ll take ya” And so we ate Chick Fil A in the parking lot, she got what she wanted there, then we kissed, made-out. So i thought everything was starting up again 3 or so days later, she posts that she’s “single” on her story. So i was heartbroken as i was right there because i thought things were ok and apparently they weren’t. She later said it was ‘just a joke’ She eventually starting talking again, and I asked if we were ‘talking-talking’ and she said yes So back n forth leading up to Christmas. I got her a gift anyways. On Christmas day, she posts she got a “promise ring” from a guy and I didn’t give her that. Later find out it was from her toxic ex and ig they’re back together now It just kills me how after that night of drama, led to all of this. I thought everything was ok. I stated where I was wrong. Idk maybe this would have still happened if that drama never happened. But yeah this really hurt me. I did feel i loved her, but i might have just loved how she loved me. Idk it just hurts. “Do Yourself a Favor” and “Another Love” is what been helping but thats wearing off.



Okay AvocadosMax (always loved your ID, now it makes more sense), first things first. hug because bheart SUCKS!

Pointing out that you got a double whammy here because it happened during the "Holidays" - which are loaded with beaucoup "Happiness" baggage.

It is perfectly OK to be standing in front of the frig with no pants on, eating cold pizza and ice cream, swigging wine from the bottle and smoking pot (or whatever your equivalent is). But don't drive while you're doing it, and don't allow it to go on too long. When in doubt, take a shower and regroup.

As others have suggested, do good things for YOURSELF, but taking up an entirely new endeavor may result in your hating that "hobby" for the rest of your life when this blows over. (Such as ballroom dancing or aerobics from my generation). I suggest you do more of what you know you already like that makes you feel good.

It is very possible that the ex felt his old love having feelings for someone else and needed to reel her back in with a "promise ring" ugh, (again, holidays). The fact that she wasn't straightforward with you about getting back with him is telling (but how)?

I'm saying she may boomerang back to you, there's a really good chance, imo. Second tries don't always pan out, there was a reason why it didn't work the first time. Consider what you would do if she comes back, and how to continue with her if it does - what U need in a relationship. Try to think of some personal guidelines beforehand.

Still, be open to at least talking to other single people, for companionship and perspective if nothing else. Bar trivia night - whatever.


Thank you.
I’ve been drinking alcohol. Not a whole lot, but enough to make me feel bloated. Forgot how much i HATE feeling that way. Lol gotta look good, gotta feel good. So imma keep my distance from that. I’m addicted to obsessions but some how my obsessions are always pointless things. Starting right now i want my obsession to be going for my dreams (writing, acting in movies), and my health/body.
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Reply #17 posted 01/05/20 8:04pm

alphastreet

For obsession, better that than a celebrity. I used to be so obsessed with mj and took forever to get over his death, but I’m more neutral now
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Reply #18 posted 01/05/20 9:34pm

S2DG

You are young and are still figuring yourself out and so is she. What you think is love will also change with life experience. There's some good advice here so just take care of yourself.

With all that said, fuck that bitch, it's her loss.

evillol

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Reply #19 posted 01/06/20 7:47am

2freaky4church
1

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Always listen to Prince.

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #20 posted 01/06/20 8:22am

PRNelson

I think it is considered useful to set goals - however small.

For instance, a goal may be to clean your house. Go for a jog, learn a new skill.

When you feel depressed you shut down. Trying to give yourself and your life some structure and purpose is difficult during times like this but it can be the best thing you ever did in trying to get to a healthier mind set.

Depression often shuts us down.. it makes us not want to do anything. In complying with this, we feed it.

Make a list, what could you be doing right now? You could make it happen.
You'll never know a girl called Nikki and you'll never find Erotic City
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Reply #21 posted 01/06/20 8:40am

poppys

AvocadosMax said:

poppys said:

Okay AvocadosMax (always loved your ID, now it makes more sense), first things first. hug because bheart SUCKS!...


Thank you. I’ve been drinking alcohol. Not a whole lot, but enough to make me feel bloated. Forgot how much i HATE feeling that way. Lol gotta look good, gotta feel good. So imma keep my distance from that. I’m addicted to obsessions but some how my obsessions are always pointless things. Starting right now i want my obsession to be going for my dreams (writing, acting in movies), and my health/body.


Writing is always good. Even random stream of conciousness writing. Sometimes gems can some out of that. And acting gets you out of yourself, acting classes are fun too. Improv gets you up on stage with other people. Something to look forward to. Good Luck!!!

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Reply #22 posted 01/13/20 10:33am

namepeace

Allow yourself all the feelings you feel. Grieve however you need to. But don't take it out on yourself, or run yourself down.

After a little time, take stock of the good and the bad things about her, and the good and bad things you both did in the relationship. See if you recognize certain patterns.

I haven't been your age in some time. But my experience is that it can be hard to be in love in our early 20s, because we're so indecisive and inexperienced with true love and intimacy.

Don't strain yourself to win her back. It's a natural impulse, but no amount of kindness, good deeds, notes, poetry, playlists, or whatever will make her love you like that.

And do good things for yourself.

Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016

Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder
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Reply #23 posted 01/14/20 10:17am

kitbradley

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IMO, it all depends on where you are spiritually and whether or not you know your worth. 3+ years ago, I ended a 25 year highly dysfuctional relationship. Prior to that, I was such a mess, I wouldn't have survived the breakup, literally, not survived it. But, I had evolved quite a bit as a man when I decided enough was enough and I had the strength to walk away from someone I had given my all to for 25 years who had zero loyalty to me. One of the best decisions I have ever made. Sure! I was heart broken. You just don't walk away from something like that without feeling hurt and disappointed. But, life goes on. You will make it through. nod

"It's not nice to fuck with K.B.! All you haters will see!" - Kitbradley
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Reply #24 posted 01/14/20 11:47am

Astasheiks

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Very well said Kitbradley! nod yes yeahthat

By the way AvocadosMax if we were in your town our Live performance would help you get over that:

https://www.facebook.com/SonofPrince777

biggrin razz prince wildsign music headbang


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Reply #25 posted 01/15/20 9:06am

kpowers

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Honestly hang out with your friends and find somebody else.

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Reply #26 posted 01/15/20 10:58am

rdhull

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AvocadosMax said:

But before then everything was cool. We were great dating. She was really into me sad

No she wasn't.

"Climb in my fur."
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Reply #27 posted 01/18/20 11:22am

jfenster

namepeace said:

Allow yourself all the feelings you feel. Grieve however you need to. But don't take it out on yourself, or run yourself down.

After a little time, take stock of the good and the bad things about her, and the good and bad things you both did in the relationship. See if you recognize certain patterns.

I haven't been your age in some time. But my experience is that it can be hard to be in love in our early 20s, because we're so indecisive and inexperienced with true love and intimacy.

Don't strain yourself to win her back. It's a natural impulse, but no amount of kindness, good deeds, notes, poetry, playlists, or whatever will make her love you like that.

And do good things for yourself.

best advice u can do

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Reply #28 posted 01/22/20 1:15pm

namepeace

jfenster said:

namepeace said:

Allow yourself all the feelings you feel. Grieve however you need to. But don't take it out on yourself, or run yourself down.

After a little time, take stock of the good and the bad things about her, and the good and bad things you both did in the relationship. See if you recognize certain patterns.

I haven't been your age in some time. But my experience is that it can be hard to be in love in our early 20s, because we're so indecisive and inexperienced with true love and intimacy.

Don't strain yourself to win her back. It's a natural impulse, but no amount of kindness, good deeds, notes, poetry, playlists, or whatever will make her love you like that.

And do good things for yourself.

best advice u can do


some of us learned the hard way . . . wink

Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016

Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder
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Reply #29 posted 01/22/20 1:16pm

namepeace

PRNelson said:

I think it is considered useful to set goals - however small. For instance, a goal may be to clean your house. Go for a jog, learn a new skill. When you feel depressed you shut down. Trying to give yourself and your life some structure and purpose is difficult during times like this but it can be the best thing you ever did in trying to get to a healthier mind set. Depression often shuts us down.. it makes us not want to do anything. In complying with this, we feed it. Make a list, what could you be doing right now? You could make it happen.


Very sound advice indeed.

Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016

Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder
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