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Reply #90 posted 12/21/19 3:04pm

RodeoSchro

Wow! It seems like forever since I watched a movie! In reality it's only been 13 days but I guess I should be happy that at my age, time seems to be moving slowly. Actually, we should be happy at any age about time moving slowly. Do lots of stuff every day and time will move slower. Borrow a bunch of money that has to be paid back in 90 days and those three months will seem like three days!

Last night we watched "Ready or Not". It's a slasher movie, more or less.

The premise is that a girl unknowingly marries into a family of devil worshippers. Also unknown to her is that at midnight on her wedding day, she has to play a game with the family. Further unknown to her is that she picks a card which determines what game they play and there is one really bad card - the Hide and Seek card - which of course she picks. Still further unknown to her is that if she's found before dawn, she will be killed. And finally unknown to her is that she won't just be killed, she'll be sacrificed in a Hail Satan ritual.

Lots of unknowns! And an interesting premise. But...

...not quite done the way I would have done it. Since I'm allegedly writing two screenplays - and where are all my accountability partners?!? - I'm going to attack this review in a "What Happened vs. What I Would Have Done" fashion. Spoilers ahead, obvs.

WHAT HAPPENS - The girl - whose name is Grace - is getting ready for her wedding and decides this calls for a cigarette.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - I would not have had her smoke a cigarette. Otherwise, the scene is fine.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS - Grace chooses Hide and Seek, and then hides. But various people try to kill her, although basically one coked-up ditz kills family staff members by accident.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - Since Grace was told by her loving fiancee that she was the object of a real manhunt early on, it would have been more fun to see Grace do the shooting and shish-ka-bobbing.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS - Grace's fiancee Alex tries to help her by smashing the in-house camera system while also electronically unlocking all the doors. He gets caught by his dad (Henry Czerny, who is awesome in this role) and his brother, who handcuffs Alex to a bed.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - As you will see at the end, this makes no sense. It turns out Grace does have one friend in the family and it's NOT Alex, yet he does things that would have definitely helped Grace escape. If that had happened then everyone dies, so what I would have done is ditch the plot twist of Alex being a bad guy and kept him as the good guy.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS - Andie MacDowell smokes a lot of cigarettes.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - Not have Andie MacDowell smoke any cigarettes. She was creepy enough as it was.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS
- Various family members die, although it's always another family member shooting them.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - This is supposed to be a "dark comedy" but as I have proven time and time and time again, there is no such thing as a "dark comedy". Maybe I would have left the first accidental killing the way it was, done by the ditzy coked-up girl. But I would have had Grace do all the rest of the killing. Plus, the family mansion is literally teeming with ancient weapons. Why couldn't Grace have dispatched a few family members with a mace, or locked one in an Iron Maiden? That would have been satisfying.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS - Grace gets shot, skewered by a nail, and ripped up by a fence.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - Nothing, those were cool.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS - Various family members try to kill Grace with various old-school weapons.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - Fixed this plot hole. The whole point of this game is that Grace must be captured alive and then sacrificed in a "Hail Satan" ritual. This must be done before dawn or the Devil cashes in his marker and the whole family dies. But everyone actually tries to kill Grace, begging the question - what happens if Grace is dead and therefore cannot be ritualistically sacrificed to Satan? Giant plot hole. I would have given the family members the same tranquilizer gun that the butler had, which would have ensured a sacrificable Grace.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS - Henry Czerny loses his cool every time Grace escapes, and screams "WE'RE ALL F***ED!!!!!"

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - Nothing. Czerny was awesome.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS - After Grace escapes the final ritual and the sun comes up, nothing happens. The whole family looks at each other and says, "Wow, that whole we have to kill people thing must have been BS!". But since Grace can now charge all of them with attempted murder, they figure they have to kill her anyway. So the crazy Aunt Helene - expertly played by Nicky Guadagni - charges Grace with her giant hatchet but pops like a giant pimple, covering Grace in blood. Everyone says "WTF?!?" and then they begin popping like giant blood pimples themselves. The last one standing is Alex, who says he really does love Grace. But Grace takes off her wedding ring and says, "I want a divorce!", which causes Alex to pop like a giant blood pimple.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - Crazy Aunt Helene was a great evil character. It would have been more satisfying if Grace could have taken the giant hatchet away and then beheaded crazy Aunt Helene with it - preferably while Aunt Helene watches her own head get cut off. Then, with the evil taken away, everyone else could have continued popping like giant blood pimples. Honestly, too many family members got off way too easily by popping like giant blood pimples. I can think of at least three other family members that deserved a grisly Grace-induced death. Five, if you count the two snot-nosed boys, which I would have done.

********************************************************************************

WHAT HAPPENS - Everyone has now died via giant blood pimple popping, and the mansion is burning down. The fire and police departments show up immediately, while Grace sits on the steps and smokes a cigarette. When asked what happened, Grace says, "In laws".

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE - Ditched the cancer stick, obviously.

********************************************************************************

"Ready or Not" is really an enjoyable movie, but not a satisfying movie. Maybe my problem was that I watched this sober? Perhaps. I guess that's the price I pay for watching movies at home. I'm not much of a home drinker. What's the fun in that?

Not much, but "Ready or Not" does deliver some fun, laughs, and decent blood. It's not a "dark comedy", as we know there is no such thing. But it IS a slasher movie with some good performances and more than a few laughs.

I rate "Ready or Not" as 3.5 Stoved-In Faces out of 5 Stoved-In Faces. I just wish there had actually been at least 3.5 stoved-in faces in the movie!

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Reply #91 posted 12/23/19 10:25am

sexton

avatar



Tangerine (2015) - A hooker tears through Tinseltown on Christmas Eve searching for the pimp who broke her heart.

This has become a holiday staple in recent years for me because nothing says Christmas in L.A. like streetwalkers on the warpath. 4/5

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Reply #92 posted 12/23/19 4:18pm

sexton

avatar



Les parapluies de Cherbourg / The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964) - A young woman separated from her lover by war faces a life-altering decision.

I watched this again because I've seen it promoted in some places as a Christmas film. Only maybe the last ten minutes actually take place during the holiday season, but nevertheless, it's one of my favorite musicals which can be viewed at any time of the year. 5/5

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Reply #93 posted 12/23/19 8:06pm

sexton

avatar



Batman Returns (1992) - Batman returns to the big screen when a deformed man calling himself the Penguin wreaks havoc across Gotham with the help of a cruel businessman.

Not the best Batman movie, but a great Tim Burton film--dark and fun without being overly campy. 4.5/5

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Reply #94 posted 12/24/19 8:03am

sexton

avatar

Star_Wars_The_Rise_of_Skywalker_poster.jpg

Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019) - The surviving Resistance faces the First Order once more in the final chapter of the Skywalker saga.

I don't judge these recent sequels with anywhere near the same scrutiny as hardcore fans. I thought it was an entertaining sci-fi action movie. 3.5/5

[Edited 1/4/20 10:41am]

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Reply #95 posted 12/24/19 8:16am

CAL3

STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

.

1.5/5

I’ve been informed that my opinion is worth less than those expressed by others here.
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Reply #96 posted 12/24/19 11:20am

sexton

avatar



Iron Man 3 (2013) - When Tony Stark's world is torn apart by a formidable terrorist called the Mandarin, he starts an odyssey of rebuilding and retribution.

I was reminded that this is also a Christmas movie so I watched it for the first since maybe it was realeased. It holds up very well. Or perhaps I'm just appreciating Robert Downey Jr's Tony Stark more in light of recent events. What a coincidence that both DC's and Marvel's Christmas movies have a scene with microwaving a metal object near an open gas line as a means to blow up a store. 3.5/5

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Reply #97 posted 12/24/19 12:21pm

alphastreet

Star Wars is the latest one I saw
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Reply #98 posted 12/24/19 2:55pm

sexton

avatar

Continuing my Christmas movie marathon:



In Bruges (2008) - Guilt-stricken after a job gone wrong, hitman Ray and his partner await orders from their ruthless boss in Bruges, Belgium, the last place in the world Ray wants to be.

Refreshingly irreverent. I laugh out load every time I watch it. 5/5

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Reply #99 posted 12/24/19 8:32pm

sexton

avatar



La bûche / Season's Beatings (1999) - Following the recent death of her second husband, for Christmas, Yvette tries to meet the three daughters from her first marriage with Stanislas, the gypsy violinist, again. During the preparations, questions and revelations are well underway from Louba, the artist, Sonia, the middle child and Milla, the rebel.

I had not heard about this previously, but a French Christmas movie starring Charlotte Gainsbourg was all that was needed for me to want to see it. 3.5/5

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Reply #100 posted 12/24/19 11:56pm

kewlschool

avatar

kpowers said:

EmmaMcG said:

Terminator Dark Fate Much better than I was expecting it to be and far far better than every Terminator movie since T2. Having said that... it's not great. Some very questionable plot twists which I won't go into for fear of spoilers but one particular twist is totally unnecessary. Also, Arnie isn't in it enough. It's not a terrible movie but I don't see it being remembered in years to come. For me, and most people, The Terminator franchise will remain as "two movie series". Dark Fate is a step above the other sequels but unfortunately I think it also spells the end. It's just not good enough to warrant yet another sequel. Overall, I'd give it a 2/5.

I feel that way with the Halloween movies and the Alien movies

About 5 years ago they almost did another Alien movie with sigourney as Ripley. The movie was to take place between Aliens and Alien 3. Ripley and Hicks would wake up out of hyper sleep have their adventure. Then go back into hyper sleep. Maintaining the time line. Unfortunately they could not agree on the script.

99.9% of everything I say is strictly for my own entertainment
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Reply #101 posted 12/25/19 12:07am

kewlschool

avatar

Star Wars: Rise Of Skywalker. 2.5 out 5

It's okay. I think it was bogged down by story telling. Really like how Princess Leah was used with in the story. spoiler alert: I don't think they needed the Emperor. They should have just used a new Emperor Sith who would be pulling the strings; it would make it more compelling.

99.9% of everything I say is strictly for my own entertainment
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Reply #102 posted 12/25/19 12:18am

sexton

avatar



Un conte de Noël / A Christmas Tale (2008) - The troubled Vuillard family is no stranger to illness, grief, and banishment, but when their matriarch requires a bone-marrow transplant, the estranged clan reunites just in time for Christmas.

This film is the star on top my Christmas movie tree. 5/5

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Reply #103 posted 12/25/19 1:03pm

kpowers

avatar

kewlschool said:

kpowers said:

I feel that way with the Halloween movies and the Alien movies

About 5 years ago they almost did another Alien movie with sigourney as Ripley. The movie was to take place between Aliens and Alien 3. Ripley and Hicks would wake up out of hyper sleep have their adventure. Then go back into hyper sleep. Maintaining the time line. Unfortunately they could not agree on the script.

Image result for aliens hadley's hope

I wish they would make the fall of Hadleys Hope. That would be an interesting movie. ALIEN 5 would be cool if the Betty from Alien 4 would have crashed on the moon (or maybe even have like some debris from the Betty break off from the ship and land on the moon) and you know the debris would consist of the Alien eggs. Years later Earth would establish a base on the moon (like in Space 1999) and then they too would encounter the Alien eggs.

Related image

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Reply #104 posted 12/26/19 6:59am

CAL3

THE GOLDFINCH

.

2.5/5

.

Much more interesting than I expected after the critical beating it took, not to mention utter failure at the box office. I have not read the book, just basing on unbiased reaction to the movie itself. Excellent performances and production values. Meandered quite a bit. Odd tonal shift in the final act. Still lukewarm recommendation.

I’ve been informed that my opinion is worth less than those expressed by others here.
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Reply #105 posted 12/26/19 8:45am

RodeoSchro

As we wind down another great year in movie ratings and reviews, it's time to reflect on some of our favorite holiday movies. You've seen Sexton's faves; here are mine:

1a. A Christmas Story - Awesome
1b. Die Hard - It's a Christmas movie. Fight me
2. Purple Rain - I didn't know it was a Christmas movie but apparently it is, as VH1 showed it numerous times yesterday. No argument from me!
3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Honestly, I don't like this one very much. It's just not nearly as funny as the other "Vacation" movies. But I have to watch it, as the womenfolk here think it's a classic
4. All Hallmark movies - Guess what? I only had to watch 3 or 4 this year! That's awesome, and it's about 15 less than I'm normally subjected to. I guess Aunt Becky's potential incarceration had something to do with this.

You'll notice I don't have "It's a Wonderful Life" on my list. That's because I've never seen it. Can you believe that?!?!?!? Oh well, much like many, many, MANY other classic movies, I just never watched it. However, I did record it last night and maybe I'll watch it this weekend. Or maybe not.

One movie that will NOT make anyone's Christmas movie list is "Goon", which we watched last night, on Christmas.

I'll say this upfront - "Goon" is not a bad movie at all, although it's got its stupid moments. The main stupidity being that it's about professional hockey, which is a stupid sport.

Seriously - pro hockey is stupid. Not because of the sport itself, although it's impossible for a non-hockey fan to watch on TV. I guess they are doing something athletic? Who knows? You can't see the puck.

No, pro hockey is stupid because of fighting.

Hockey fans tell me, "Oh, you have to have fighting! Otherwise, you'd have a bunch of fights!" I think what those hosers mean is that if you don't let two chosen dudes fight it out, then everyone else is going to just start whaling away on the other team. Again - who knows? Fighting in pro hockey is stupid. And by "fighting", I am of course referring to the santioned fighting that the refs let happen. I'm not referring to some dust-up that means nothing.

I know fighting in pro hockey is stupid because there isn't fighting in any other level of hockey. You don't have fights in high school, or in college, or in the Olympics. For some unexplainable reason, you can be a great, fantastic hockey player all your life and never, ever worry about fighting - until you make it to the NHL, and then it's open season on your head.

Think of it this way - every team has a goon who will fight you if you get too rough with the star players. So theoretically, the mere presence of the goon should deter fighting. But it never does. Stars get smashed, and then goons drop the gloves. Knowing that there's going to be a fight does not in any way, shape or form actually protect the other players from getting smashed.

Stupid.

And this begs the question that "Goons" actually answers - if there isn't fighting in hockey until the pros, what do all the fighting goons do until they make it to the pros? They aren't hockey players. They can't hone their fighting skills in college. So what are these morons doing in the meantime?

In the case of Seann William Scott, being a bouncer in a bar and hanging out with the stereotypical Boston sports fan. Scott plays a dimwitted bouncer and in one of the film's poor choices, they make him Jewish so they can make fun of Jews. Scott goes to temple with his family, who are all successful doctors. The Jewish stereotype of "it's all about the money" is dragged out and of course, Scott's Jewish parents are ashamed of him because he isn't rich. In fact, his parents go so far as to tell their friends that Scott - and his gay brother - are adopted. That was needless, wrong, and just not funny.

Anyway, Scott's horrible best friend - who actually is the embodiement of your typical blue-collar Boston sports fan, meaning that all he knows are four-letter words and nasty jokes - hosts a hockey call-in show that revolves around penis insults. So Scott and the douchebag go to a minor-league hockey game, where the douchebag goads a visiting player to jump into the stands. Scott beats the tar out of the guy, and this naturally leads to an offer to join the home team and be its goon.

After a couple successful games where Scott beats up some other goons, he meets a girl at a bar. About five minutes after meeting this girl, I turned to my wife and said, "I guarantee you this movie was written by some dudes who have not had much exposure to the opposite sex". I'm sure I'm right. The female lead - named Eva - is completely unlikable and a waste of space.

When she meets Scott she tells him that she loves hockey players and hockey, especially the violence. She then makes out with Scott before telling him that she has a boyfriend. In fact, she tells him multiple times throughout the movie that she's a bad girlfriend. She's unfaithful and will sleep with just about anyone. And, she says, these are her good points. This is probably the most poorly-written female character in recent memory.

But, just when you think I'm going to rate this movie as 1 Fractured Skull out of 5 Fractured Skulls, you get a big surprise!

Hockey is stupid, but it's a sport. And as a sports movie, "Goon" is very good! All the scenes that focus on sports - whether it be in the ice or in the locker room - are excellent. Whatever else the writers may or may not have done, it's obvious they played on a lot of teams. They really capture what it's like in the arena, and in the locker room.

Even the head coach is awesome. He's like most of the coaches I played for. I loved him! Every coach should be like this guy. I'd run through a wall for that dude.

So would Scott, except instead of running through walls he runs through the other guy's jaw. That's hockey!

Liev Schreiber plays Ross "The Boss" Shea, a legendary goon, and...holy moley! I just read Schreiber's bio. WOW. This dude's childhood was INSANE. I've never watched anything he's ever been in but after reading how he grew up, I'm watching everything he's ever been in. Here, read it for yourself. If you don't know his story, I guarantee your jaw will drop to the floor:

https://en.wikipedia.org/...Early_life

You know, when I formulated this review in my mind I thought it would center around how Seann William Scott would be a far better Jack Reacher than Tom Cruise. Little did I know that Scott's Reacher-ness would be eclipsed by Schreiber's total awesomeness!

As you can probably guess, Scott and Ross the Boss meet in the final game. And of course they fight, but not before Schreiber pulls some absolutely classic gamesmanship. It's PERFECT.

But when Ross the Boss and Scott finally drop the gloves, Scott gets the crap beat out of him - for the second time that day, actually. He feels bad about making out with Eva, so earlier in the day he let Eva's boyfriend beat the crap out of him. Scott shows up for the Big Game looking like Rocky Balboa after his first fight with Clubber Lang, but no one asks why.

As previously mentioned, in the ultimate fight Ross the Boss uses Scott's head as a punching bag, but Scott summons the strength for one lucky punch and knocks Ross the Boss clean the frick out.

Here are the approximate Punch Stats from that entire day:

PUNCHES THROWN
Ross the Boss - 128
Eva's boyfriend - 17
Seann William Scott - 1

PUNCHES LANDED
Ross the Boss - 127.5
Eva's boyfriend - 17
Seann William Scott - 1

Scott gets the girl, but never does get any kind of acceptance from his horrified parents. The end.

I'm going to give "Goon" a higher rating that I bet you think I am. This is because its awesome inside-sports scenes are so good they nullify its bad-Jewish-stereotypes/worst-female-character-of-the-decade/annoying-sidekick deficiencies. That's how good the sports scenes are.

"Goon" gets 4 Old Time Hockey references out of 5 Old Time Hockey references. The Hanson Brothers approve!



.

[Edited 12/26/19 8:58am]

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Reply #106 posted 12/26/19 9:10am

CAL3

TOTAL RECALL (1990)

.

5/5

.

Favorite Arnold movie ever. Favorite Verhoeven movie ever.

I’ve been informed that my opinion is worth less than those expressed by others here.
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Reply #107 posted 12/26/19 10:06am

RodeoSchro

Here is my end-of-year movie rating tabulation. I don't know if I'll get to watch anything else this year. I do want to see "Knives Out" and if I do, we'll add it to the tabulation.


RANK NAME RATING MAX SCORE
1 Springsteen on Broadway 5 5 100%
1 Roadhouse 10 10 100%
1 Breakthrough 5 5 100%
1 Tremors 10 10 100%
1 Batman 5 5 100%
1 Yesterday 5 5 100%
1 Judy 5 5 100%
8 Bad Times at the El Royale 9 10 90%
8 Furious 7 4.5 5 90%
8 Kentucky Fried Movie 4.5 5 90%
8 Overcomer 4.5 5 90%
8 Marathon Man 4.5 5 90%
8 Brennan's War 4.5 5 90%
8 British Arrows 4.5 5 90%
15 Stuber 4.25 5 85%
16 Uncle Drew 4 5 80%
16 Green Book 4 5 80%
16 The Martian 4 5 80%
16 Blinded By the Light 4 5 80%
16 Bar 20 Rides Again 4 5 80%
16 Goon 4 5 80%
22 Ma 3.89 5 78%
23 Good Boys 3.5 5 70%
23 Ready or Not 3.5 5 70%
25 Us 3 5 60%
25 Angel Has Fallen 3 5 60%
27 Miss Peregrine's School for Weird Children 3.14 6.28 50%
27 John Wick 3 - Parabellum 2.5 5 50%
27 Once Upon a Time in Hollywood 2.5 5 50%
27 Gemini Man 2.5 5 50%
31 Shazam 2.25 5 45%
32 Little 2 5 40%
32 Isn't It Romantic 2 5 40%
32 Brightburn 2 5 40%
35 A Simple Favor 1.5 5 30%
35 Avengers: Age of Ultron 1.5 5 30%
35 Hobbs and Shaw 1.5 5 30%
35 Widows 1.5 5 30%
35 Pain & Gain 1.5 5 30%
35 Long Shot 3 10 30%
35 Hot Rod 1.5 5 30%
42 Graffiti Bridge 1.38 5 28%
43 The Grand Budapest Hotel 1 4 25%
44 Rambo: Last Blood 1 5 20%
45 Cold Pursuit 1.5 10 15%
46 Rocketman 1 10 10%
47 A Dog's Journey 0.25 10 3%
48 The Dead Don't Die 0 5 0%
49 Ford v. Ferrari 0 5 0%

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Reply #108 posted 12/26/19 1:03pm

gandorb

RodeoSchro said:

As we wind down another great year in movie ratings and reviews, it's time to reflect on some of our favorite holiday movies. You've seen Sexton's faves; here are mine:

1a. A Christmas Story - Awesome
1b. Die Hard - It's a Christmas movie. Fight me
2. Purple Rain - I didn't know it was a Christmas movie but apparently it is, as VH1 showed it numerous times yesterday. No argument from me!
3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Honestly, I don't like this one very much. It's just not nearly as funny as the other "Vacation" movies. But I have to watch it, as the womenfolk here think it's a classic
4. All Hallmark movies - Guess what? I only had to watch 3 or 4 this year! That's awesome, and it's about 15 less than I'm normally subjected to. I guess Aunt Becky's potential incarceration had something to do with this.

You'll notice I don't have "It's a Wonderful Life" on my list. That's because I've never seen it. Can you believe that?!?!?!? Oh well, much like many, many, MANY other classic movies, I just never watched it. However, I did record it last night and maybe I'll watch it this weekend. Or maybe not.

One movie that will NOT make anyone's Christmas movie list is "Goon", which we watched last night, on Christmas.

I'll say this upfront - "Goon" is not a bad movie at all, although it's got its stupid moments. The main stupidity being that it's about professional hockey, which is a stupid sport.

Seriously - pro hockey is stupid. Not because of the sport itself, although it's impossible for a non-hockey fan to watch on TV. I guess they are doing something athletic? Who knows? You can't see the puck.

No, pro hockey is stupid because of fighting.

Hockey fans tell me, "Oh, you have to have fighting! Otherwise, you'd have a bunch of fights!" I think what those hosers mean is that if you don't let two chosen dudes fight it out, then everyone else is going to just start whaling away on the other team. Again - who knows? Fighting in pro hockey is stupid. And by "fighting", I am of course referring to the santioned fighting that the refs let happen. I'm not referring to some dust-up that means nothing.

I know fighting in pro hockey is stupid because there isn't fighting in any other level of hockey. You don't have fights in high school, or in college, or in the Olympics. For some unexplainable reason, you can be a great, fantastic hockey player all your life and never, ever worry about fighting - until you make it to the NHL, and then it's open season on your head.

Think of it this way - every team has a goon who will fight you if you get too rough with the star players. So theoretically, the mere presence of the goon should deter fighting. But it never does. Stars get smashed, and then goons drop the gloves. Knowing that there's going to be a fight does not in any way, shape or form actually protect the other players from getting smashed.

Stupid.

And this begs the question that "Goons" actually answers - if there isn't fighting in hockey until the pros, what do all the fighting goons do until they make it to the pros? They aren't hockey players. They can't hone their fighting skills in college. So what are these morons doing in the meantime?

In the case of Seann William Scott, being a bouncer in a bar and hanging out with the stereotypical Boston sports fan. Scott plays a dimwitted bouncer and in one of the film's poor choices, they make him Jewish so they can make fun of Jews. Scott goes to temple with his family, who are all successful doctors. The Jewish stereotype of "it's all about the money" is dragged out and of course, Scott's Jewish parents are ashamed of him because he isn't rich. In fact, his parents go so far as to tell their friends that Scott - and his gay brother - are adopted. That was needless, wrong, and just not funny.

Anyway, Scott's horrible best friend - who actually is the embodiement of your typical blue-collar Boston sports fan, meaning that all he knows are four-letter words and nasty jokes - hosts a hockey call-in show that revolves around penis insults. So Scott and the douchebag go to a minor-league hockey game, where the douchebag goads a visiting player to jump into the stands. Scott beats the tar out of the guy, and this naturally leads to an offer to join the home team and be its goon.

After a couple successful games where Scott beats up some other goons, he meets a girl at a bar. About five minutes after meeting this girl, I turned to my wife and said, "I guarantee you this movie was written by some dudes who have not had much exposure to the opposite sex". I'm sure I'm right. The female lead - named Eva - is completely unlikable and a waste of space.

When she meets Scott she tells him that she loves hockey players and hockey, especially the violence. She then makes out with Scott before telling him that she has a boyfriend. In fact, she tells him multiple times throughout the movie that she's a bad girlfriend. She's unfaithful and will sleep with just about anyone. And, she says, these are her good points. This is probably the most poorly-written female character in recent memory.

But, just when you think I'm going to rate this movie as 1 Fractured Skull out of 5 Fractured Skulls, you get a big surprise!

Hockey is stupid, but it's a sport. And as a sports movie, "Goon" is very good! All the scenes that focus on sports - whether it be in the ice or in the locker room - are excellent. Whatever else the writers may or may not have done, it's obvious they played on a lot of teams. They really capture what it's like in the arena, and in the locker room.

Even the head coach is awesome. He's like most of the coaches I played for. I loved him! Every coach should be like this guy. I'd run through a wall for that dude.

So would Scott, except instead of running through walls he runs through the other guy's jaw. That's hockey!

Liev Schreiber plays Ross "The Boss" Shea, a legendary goon, and...holy moley! I just read Schreiber's bio. WOW. This dude's childhood was INSANE. I've never watched anything he's ever been in but after reading how he grew up, I'm watching everything he's ever been in. Here, read it for yourself. If you don't know his story, I guarantee your jaw will drop to the floor:

https://en.wikipedia.org/...Early_life

You know, when I formulated this review in my mind I thought it would center around how Seann William Scott would be a far better Jack Reacher than Tom Cruise. Little did I know that Scott's Reacher-ness would be eclipsed by Schreiber's total awesomeness!

As you can probably guess, Scott and Ross the Boss meet in the final game. And of course they fight, but not before Schreiber pulls some absolutely classic gamesmanship. It's PERFECT.

But when Ross the Boss and Scott finally drop the gloves, Scott gets the crap beat out of him - for the second time that day, actually. He feels bad about making out with Eva, so earlier in the day he let Eva's boyfriend beat the crap out of him. Scott shows up for the Big Game looking like Rocky Balboa after his first fight with Clubber Lang, but no one asks why.

As previously mentioned, in the ultimate fight Ross the Boss uses Scott's head as a punching bag, but Scott summons the strength for one lucky punch and knocks Ross the Boss clean the frick out.

Here are the approximate Punch Stats from that entire day:

PUNCHES THROWN
Ross the Boss - 128
Eva's boyfriend - 17
Seann William Scott - 1

PUNCHES LANDED
Ross the Boss - 127.5
Eva's boyfriend - 17
Seann William Scott - 1

Scott gets the girl, but never does get any kind of acceptance from his horrified parents. The end.

I'm going to give "Goon" a higher rating that I bet you think I am. This is because its awesome inside-sports scenes are so good they nullify its bad-Jewish-stereotypes/worst-female-character-of-the-decade/annoying-sidekick deficiencies. That's how good the sports scenes are.

"Goon" gets 4 Old Time Hockey references out of 5 Old Time Hockey references. The Hanson Brothers approve!



.

[Edited 12/26/19 8:58am]



So sorry to hear about your Aunt Becky.
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Reply #109 posted 12/26/19 1:17pm

2freaky4church
1

avatar

Why so much Joker hate? Thought it was very good.

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #110 posted 12/26/19 3:26pm

RodeoSchro

gandorb said:

RodeoSchro said:

As we wind down another great year in movie ratings and reviews, it's time to reflect on some of our favorite holiday movies. You've seen Sexton's faves; here are mine:

1a. A Christmas Story - Awesome
1b. Die Hard - It's a Christmas movie. Fight me
2. Purple Rain - I didn't know it was a Christmas movie but apparently it is, as VH1 showed it numerous times yesterday. No argument from me!
3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Honestly, I don't like this one very much. It's just not nearly as funny as the other "Vacation" movies. But I have to watch it, as the womenfolk here think it's a classic
4. All Hallmark movies - Guess what? I only had to watch 3 or 4 this year! That's awesome, and it's about 15 less than I'm normally subjected to. I guess Aunt Becky's potential incarceration had something to do with this.

You'll notice I don't have "It's a Wonderful Life" on my list. That's because I've never seen it. Can you believe that?!?!?!? Oh well, much like many, many, MANY other classic movies, I just never watched it. However, I did record it last night and maybe I'll watch it this weekend. Or maybe not.

One movie that will NOT make anyone's Christmas movie list is "Goon", which we watched last night, on Christmas.

I'll say this upfront - "Goon" is not a bad movie at all, although it's got its stupid moments. The main stupidity being that it's about professional hockey, which is a stupid sport.

Seriously - pro hockey is stupid. Not because of the sport itself, although it's impossible for a non-hockey fan to watch on TV. I guess they are doing something athletic? Who knows? You can't see the puck.

No, pro hockey is stupid because of fighting.

Hockey fans tell me, "Oh, you have to have fighting! Otherwise, you'd have a bunch of fights!" I think what those hosers mean is that if you don't let two chosen dudes fight it out, then everyone else is going to just start whaling away on the other team. Again - who knows? Fighting in pro hockey is stupid. And by "fighting", I am of course referring to the santioned fighting that the refs let happen. I'm not referring to some dust-up that means nothing.

I know fighting in pro hockey is stupid because there isn't fighting in any other level of hockey. You don't have fights in high school, or in college, or in the Olympics. For some unexplainable reason, you can be a great, fantastic hockey player all your life and never, ever worry about fighting - until you make it to the NHL, and then it's open season on your head.

Think of it this way - every team has a goon who will fight you if you get too rough with the star players. So theoretically, the mere presence of the goon should deter fighting. But it never does. Stars get smashed, and then goons drop the gloves. Knowing that there's going to be a fight does not in any way, shape or form actually protect the other players from getting smashed.

Stupid.

And this begs the question that "Goons" actually answers - if there isn't fighting in hockey until the pros, what do all the fighting goons do until they make it to the pros? They aren't hockey players. They can't hone their fighting skills in college. So what are these morons doing in the meantime?

In the case of Seann William Scott, being a bouncer in a bar and hanging out with the stereotypical Boston sports fan. Scott plays a dimwitted bouncer and in one of the film's poor choices, they make him Jewish so they can make fun of Jews. Scott goes to temple with his family, who are all successful doctors. The Jewish stereotype of "it's all about the money" is dragged out and of course, Scott's Jewish parents are ashamed of him because he isn't rich. In fact, his parents go so far as to tell their friends that Scott - and his gay brother - are adopted. That was needless, wrong, and just not funny.

Anyway, Scott's horrible best friend - who actually is the embodiement of your typical blue-collar Boston sports fan, meaning that all he knows are four-letter words and nasty jokes - hosts a hockey call-in show that revolves around penis insults. So Scott and the douchebag go to a minor-league hockey game, where the douchebag goads a visiting player to jump into the stands. Scott beats the tar out of the guy, and this naturally leads to an offer to join the home team and be its goon.

After a couple successful games where Scott beats up some other goons, he meets a girl at a bar. About five minutes after meeting this girl, I turned to my wife and said, "I guarantee you this movie was written by some dudes who have not had much exposure to the opposite sex". I'm sure I'm right. The female lead - named Eva - is completely unlikable and a waste of space.

When she meets Scott she tells him that she loves hockey players and hockey, especially the violence. She then makes out with Scott before telling him that she has a boyfriend. In fact, she tells him multiple times throughout the movie that she's a bad girlfriend. She's unfaithful and will sleep with just about anyone. And, she says, these are her good points. This is probably the most poorly-written female character in recent memory.

But, just when you think I'm going to rate this movie as 1 Fractured Skull out of 5 Fractured Skulls, you get a big surprise!

Hockey is stupid, but it's a sport. And as a sports movie, "Goon" is very good! All the scenes that focus on sports - whether it be in the ice or in the locker room - are excellent. Whatever else the writers may or may not have done, it's obvious they played on a lot of teams. They really capture what it's like in the arena, and in the locker room.

Even the head coach is awesome. He's like most of the coaches I played for. I loved him! Every coach should be like this guy. I'd run through a wall for that dude.

So would Scott, except instead of running through walls he runs through the other guy's jaw. That's hockey!

Liev Schreiber plays Ross "The Boss" Shea, a legendary goon, and...holy moley! I just read Schreiber's bio. WOW. This dude's childhood was INSANE. I've never watched anything he's ever been in but after reading how he grew up, I'm watching everything he's ever been in. Here, read it for yourself. If you don't know his story, I guarantee your jaw will drop to the floor:

https://en.wikipedia.org/...Early_life

You know, when I formulated this review in my mind I thought it would center around how Seann William Scott would be a far better Jack Reacher than Tom Cruise. Little did I know that Scott's Reacher-ness would be eclipsed by Schreiber's total awesomeness!

As you can probably guess, Scott and Ross the Boss meet in the final game. And of course they fight, but not before Schreiber pulls some absolutely classic gamesmanship. It's PERFECT.

But when Ross the Boss and Scott finally drop the gloves, Scott gets the crap beat out of him - for the second time that day, actually. He feels bad about making out with Eva, so earlier in the day he let Eva's boyfriend beat the crap out of him. Scott shows up for the Big Game looking like Rocky Balboa after his first fight with Clubber Lang, but no one asks why.

As previously mentioned, in the ultimate fight Ross the Boss uses Scott's head as a punching bag, but Scott summons the strength for one lucky punch and knocks Ross the Boss clean the frick out.

Here are the approximate Punch Stats from that entire day:

PUNCHES THROWN
Ross the Boss - 128
Eva's boyfriend - 17
Seann William Scott - 1

PUNCHES LANDED
Ross the Boss - 127.5
Eva's boyfriend - 17
Seann William Scott - 1

Scott gets the girl, but never does get any kind of acceptance from his horrified parents. The end.

I'm going to give "Goon" a higher rating that I bet you think I am. This is because its awesome inside-sports scenes are so good they nullify its bad-Jewish-stereotypes/worst-female-character-of-the-decade/annoying-sidekick deficiencies. That's how good the sports scenes are.

"Goon" gets 4 Old Time Hockey references out of 5 Old Time Hockey references. The Hanson Brothers approve!



.

[Edited 12/26/19 8:58am]

So sorry to hear about your Aunt Becky.




Thanks but condolences really should go to my brother. He's the one who had a crush on her. I never cared for her all that much.

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Reply #111 posted 12/27/19 9:57am

2freaky4church
1

avatar

Tarantino had best movie. Rambo was racist bs.

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #112 posted 12/27/19 11:25am

namepeace

sexton said:

Un conte de Noël / A Christmas Tale (2008) - The troubled Vuillard family is no stranger to illness, grief, and banishment, but when their matriarch requires a bone-marrow transplant, the estranged clan reunites just in time for Christmas.

This film is the star on top my Christmas movie tree. 5/5


Really good film.

Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016

Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder
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Reply #113 posted 12/27/19 11:33am

namepeace

CHRISTMAS MOVIE LINEUP

Star Wars Episode IX -- The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

Total fanservice film that hit all the right notes for devoted fans. It also appeared heavily influenced by Dave Filoni's body of work in the very good animated series Clone Wars and Star Wars Rebels. But as a film, it could have been better and, imo, as daring as The Last Jedi.


starstarstar.5


It's A Wonderful Life (1947)

The film gets richer and more enjoyable each time I watch it. It is a timely meditation on class and ambition.

starstarstarstar

The Lion In Winter (1968)

One of the greatest and best-scripted films I have ever seen; my favorite Christmas movie of all time.

starstarstarstar.75


A Hidden Life (2019)

Beautiful, ponderous, meaningful . . . a quintessential Malick film.

starstarstarstar

Little Women (2019)

The rapturous reviews of Gerwig's adaptation are well earned.

starstarstarstar


[Edited 12/27/19 14:25pm]

Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016

Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder
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Reply #114 posted 12/27/19 12:23pm

sexton

avatar



The Girl on a Motorcycle (1968) - A married woman leaves her husband and zooms off on her motorcycle to see her lover.

The repetitive motorcycle riding scenes with Marianne Faithfull's smiles of abandon grew tiresome near the end, but I did very much enjoy the overall swinging 60s vibe and European backdrop. 3/5

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Reply #115 posted 12/28/19 9:30am

PeggyO

The "Irishman" directed by Scorsese. 4/5

I have a thing for Al Pacino; he has something Prince had.(Intensity/Integrity?)

It's on Netflix

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