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PrintableWhats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? | |
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People today are so judgemental. I can tell just by looking at them. | |
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EmmaMcG said: People today are so judgemental. I can tell just by looking at them. 🤣 And that sounds like me 😶👀  | |
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Riddle masquerading as a joke: . What's round as an apple? . Flat as a chip? . Has two eyes? . But can't see a bit!? | |
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Can February March? No. But April May.  | |
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i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT... 
STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
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I arrived early at the restaurant. "Do you mind waiting a bit", the manager asked. "Not at all", I said. "Good. Take this pizza to table 6", he said. | |
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Haha it took me a couple seconds and I had to read it again, but finally... 🤣 former waitress here 😂 | |
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Where does a waitress with one leg work?IHop.
"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato
https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0 | |
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A guy in a restaurant stops a pretty blonde waitress as she passes by his table..."Excuse me, Miss. Can I ask you a question about the menu, please?"
She throws a drink in his face. "The men I please are none of your damn business!"
"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato
https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0 | |
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😂🤣 | |
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barnswallow said: Riddle masquerading as a joke: . What's round as an apple? . Flat as a chip? . Has two eyes? . But can't see a bit!? I give up! What is it? 😄 . [Edited 11/23/19 15:36pm] | |
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It's very simple. "This funk ain't goin' no place cuz it's old, it's old and sexy Cloreen Bacon Skin." That line gets me. Mysterious. This riddle feels that way. * I heard it from two spinster sisters, Idie and Harriet, who looked after the calves at a small, family-owned dairy farm, now some time ago. * They wore simple cotton frocks, winter or summer, with aprons. And rubber boots. And, by the time I came to know them, were quite bent over. Harriet was always out front, taking the lead, and Idie followed behind, usually complaining about something or other. But, they both had a twinkle in their eyes and laughed a lot and liked to tell stories. In the winter, they'd throw a jacket over their cotton shifts. * In the summer, a man travelled the country-side whitewashing the interiors of the barns. He would always say Idie and Harriet were legends for how they looked after the calves. They'd confer with each other in the milk-house, mixing milk replacer with warm water and fresh milk. They'd feel the temperature of the water, over and over, until they agreed that it was just right. * They told me this riddle one day, so I've always loved it. It took me most of a day (or was it two?) and finally I came upon it: a button. * I've loved all the jokes posted here. Hilarious. And clever. | |
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barnswallow said:
It's very simple. "This funk ain't goin' no place cuz it's old, it's old and sexy Cloreen Bacon Skin." That line gets me. Mysterious. This riddle feels that way. * I heard it from two spinster sisters, Idie and Harriet, who looked after the calves at a small, family-owned dairy farm, now some time ago. * They wore simple cotton frocks, winter or summer, with aprons. And rubber boots. And, by the time I came to know them, were quite bent over. Harriet was always out front, taking the lead, and Idie followed behind, usually complaining about something or other. But, they both had a twinkle in their eyes and laughed a lot and liked to tell stories. In the winter, they'd throw a jacket over their cotton shifts. * In the summer, a man travelled the country-side whitewashing the interiors of the barns. He would always say Idie and Harriet were legends for how they looked after the calves. They'd confer with each other in the milk-house, mixing milk replacer with warm water and fresh milk. They'd feel the temperature of the water, over and over, until they agreed that it was just right. * They told me this riddle one day, so I've always loved it. It took me most of a day (or was it two?) and finally I came upon it: a button. * I've loved all the jokes posted here. Hilarious. And clever. Cute story 😊 And yes, love the jokes!! 😁 | |
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