"I don't think I'm the best, I simply like my voice."

A news reporter is speaking to a crowd of people

outside a haunted, creepy-looking house in the country.

REPORTER –

Who among you have experienced having sex with a ghost?

XxAxX said:

KingBAD said:

"I don't think I'm the best, I simply like my voice."

A news reporter is speaking to a crowd of people

outside a haunted, creepy-looking house in the country.

REPORTER –

Who among you have experienced having sex with a ghost?

A farmer raised his hand.

REPORTER –

Really? How did it feel to have sex with a ghost?

FARMER –

Oooops! I thought you said goats!

That farmer was then arrested for having sex with a goat. He hired an attorney who guaranteed victory because of his ability to pick a jury.

The trial begins and the first witness is old Mrs. Patterson. "Did you see the defendant and the goat in question?" asks the prosecutor. "Yes," says the shy old Mrs. Patterson. "Was the defendant engaged in sexual relations with the goat?" asked the prosecutor. "Yyyyessss," whispers old Mrs. Patterson.

The farmer is mortified. He's going to lose for sure! He starts to sink into his chair.

The prosecutor continued. "Did they complete the sexual act?" Mrs. Patterson nods her head, and the prosecutor makes her say "Yes" for the record. "Now, I know this is hard for you Mrs. Patterson, but what was the last thing the defendant and the goat did?"

Mrs. Patterson turns 19 shades of red and has to take three sips of water before she can answer. "Well, the goat...ummm....it turned around....ahhhh...I guess you could say the goat cleaned up after the farmer".

The courtroom gasped. The farmer was ready to shoot himself right then and there.

But then he heard one juror turn to another and say, "You know, a good goat will do that".

justme2u said:

XxAxX said:

I don’t get it

Let me draw you a picture then

is that you in there Bladder?

RodeoSchro said:

KingBAD said:

"I don't think I'm the best, I simply like my voice."

A news reporter is speaking to a crowd of people

outside a haunted, creepy-looking house in the country.

REPORTER –

Who among you have experienced having sex with a ghost?

A farmer raised his hand.

REPORTER –

Really? How did it feel to have sex with a ghost?

FARMER –

Oooops! I thought you said goats!

That farmer was then arrested for having sex with a goat. He hired an attorney who guaranteed victory because of his ability to pick a jury.

The trial begins and the first witness is old Mrs. Patterson. "Did you see the defendant and the goat in question?" asks the prosecutor. "Yes," says the shy old Mrs. Patterson. "Was the defendant engaged in sexual relations with the goat?" asked the prosecutor. "Yyyyessss," whispers old Mrs. Patterson.

The farmer is mortified. He's going to lose for sure! He starts to sink into his chair.

The prosecutor continued. "Did they complete the sexual act?" Mrs. Patterson nods her head, and the prosecutor makes her say "Yes" for the record. "Now, I know this is hard for you Mrs. Patterson, but what was the last thing the defendant and the goat did?"

Mrs. Patterson turns 19 shades of red and has to take three sips of water before she can answer. "Well, the goat...ummm....it turned around....ahhhh...I guess you could say the goat cleaned up after the farmer".

The courtroom gasped. The farmer was ready to shoot himself right then and there.

But then he heard one juror turn to another and say, "You know, a good goat will do that".

In a nearby town, there was a guy named Phillip who wasn't as fortunate as our farmer friend. In fact, he was rather infamous, as he explained to a newcomer:

"You see the town library? I donated the money to build that library. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Friend of the Library? No, they do not.

"And you see our local hospital? I donated the money to build the newest wing. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Philanthropist? No, they do not.

"And you see the elementary school over yonder? Guess who raised the money to buy computers for every student. That's right - me. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Provider of Computers? No, they do not.

"But you fuck just one goat...."

RodeoSchro said:

In a nearby town, there was a guy named Phillip who wasn't as fortunate as our farmer friend. In fact, he was rather infamous, as he explained to a newcomer:

"You see the town library? I donated the money to build that library. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Friend of the Library? No, they do not.

"And you see our local hospital? I donated the money to build the newest wing. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Philanthropist? No, they do not.

"And you see the elementary school over yonder? Guess who raised the money to buy computers for every student. That's right - me. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Provider of Computers? No, they do not.

"But you fuck just one goat...."

In lieu of that one...

A man, a dog, and a goat are the only survivors of a shipwreck

purplethunder3121 said:

RodeoSchro said:

In a nearby town, there was a guy named Phillip who wasn't as fortunate as our farmer friend. In fact, he was rather infamous, as he explained to a newcomer:

"You see the town library? I donated the money to build that library. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Friend of the Library? No, they do not.

"And you see our local hospital? I donated the money to build the newest wing. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Philanthropist? No, they do not.

"And you see the elementary school over yonder? Guess who raised the money to buy computers for every student. That's right - me. But do you think they call me Phillip, the Provider of Computers? No, they do not.

"But you fuck just one goat...."

In lieu of that one...

A man, a dog, and a goat are the only survivors of a shipwreck

They end up on a deserted island. After a few weeks, the man is feeling very lonely and starts looking at the goat in a new light. One day he tries to have his way with it but the dog growls and scares him off. He goes to sleep unsatisfied.

The next day he tries again, but the dog is there, growling and threatening to attack if the man gets too close to the goat.

The man grows frustrated. One day, he sees a ship foundering off the coast. He is able to save someone from drowning. He gets them to shore and discovers it’s a beautiful woman. She comes to and says “Wow, you saved my life. I’ll do anything to thank you. *Anything.*”

The man can’t believe his luck. He looks at her and his mind reels with the possibilities.

“Would you mind holding this dog for a minute?”

"But you fuck just one goat...."

“Would you mind holding this dog for a minute?”

@ this whole thread

XxAxX said: