Following is the original text to this problem:

Of course, I've had "crushes" on other girls before, but there is this girl that is an amazing friend of mind, who is also cute, funny, supportive, caring, and just fantastic in general.

Even though we are not involved in a formal relationship, she makes me feel so great. Even more so, she has shown so many signals of being interested in me, just short of throwing herself at my feet. Yet, every time I am around her, I just can't bring myself to ask her out. I have never ever had this much trouble doing something like this. Every day I see her, I just flirt with her in a very Junior High School manner, and never go through with it. Then I get home, and sit around depressed that I never said anything.

I just don't get what it is about this girl in particular, but she is driving me crazy, and I just can't muster up enough courage to tell her how I feel.

Anyways, I'm not really looking for advice or anything, I just believe that the more people I tell this to, the easier it will be for me to talk to her. I've missed many boats in my lifetime, and this is certainly one I am in danger of missing, and it is a very, very, very, big boat.

I have never thought about someone, within a relationship or not, as much as I've been thinking about her.

Thanks for listening,

Sav.

Many of you were very supportive about this issue, and obviously, told me to go for it. These comments can be found here: http://www.prince.org/msg...msg_631464 You must understand that I usually only see her in a group setting, and we are all very busy right now. That combined with the "fear factor", meant that I kept putting this off. That is, until Saturday. A bunch of us went out to a couple of clubs. I was driving, so completely sober. I drove her home. Before she got out. I confronted her. I told her how I felt about her, that I loved our friendship, and I wanted to build something more out of it. She was incredibly shocked, and after a lot of discussion, she asked if she could get back to me the next day. Well, I knew this was a bad sign. For one, she was surprised, so obviously didn't notice any signals, and for another, she had to think about it, so that meant she never thought about it prior to this. I tell you, that was the hardest proposal I've ever done in my life. So, what was her response? :

In short, "no".
To put it a long way, "boy, we sure are good friends, and I wouldn't want us to not be if the relationship didn't work out, and I'm really bad in relationships, and blah blah blah."

Well, I can tell you for sure that I was devastated. Considering how well I already knew this person, this felt more like being dumped than like being rejected. She will always mean a lot to me, even as a friend, but I must say I'm getting pretty tired of having so many "friends".

Oh well, at the very least, I now have closure. Even though I don't really want to, I can now move on. I suppose it's better to live a life of truth, instead of living a life of fantasy and speculation without even trying to turn that fantasy into reality. But it sure doesn't feel better. Once again, this is just something I had to get off of my chest. When I write things down, it always seems to help.

Once again, thanks for listening,
Sav.

AWW dont worry sweetie it's only a matter of time, the right words will come to you adventually.

well, at least you won't regret NOT trying.
sorry it didn't work out the way you'd hoped. . . .

It's good that you went for it and told her how you felt. I can't speak for others but I know what it's like to miss the boat so to speak. Even if it's not the answer you wanted, you did the right thing and told her the truth about your feelings. Good going.

Hey, hold your head up high. You went for what you wanted. THAT is what is most important. There are MILLIONS of girls out there. Just cause things didn't work out w/ one does NOT mean things won't work out w/ some other. The most important thing is you faced your fear and went for what you knew. Facing up to these sorts of fears points us in the right direction. Learn the lessons of this VICTORY and you are certain to have a keener(sp?) eye next time around. I'm TOTALLY happy for you. Hold that head up and be proud...alot of people would STILL be trying to get the nerve to confront that "what if she doesn't feel the same way I do" issue. Its' nice to know one way or the other, and be able to move on THEN to forever be trapped in a SELF imposed tug of war of the mind and the heart. REPRESENT!!!

You are all beautiful people. Thank you.

First of all, this proves the old "When Harry Met Sally..." theory. Most of the times (but not ALL), men and women can't be JUST FRIENDS. Eventually, one of the people starts to "have feelings" for the other. If the other person doens't reciprocate, it can get sticky.

Just ask my friend Hillari. I fell in love with her, she didn't love me back, and it was a LONG time before I resolved my feelings for her...

I hope your broken heart heals soon.

savoirfaire said:

I so did not read that.

savoirfaire said:

OMG, I went through the exact same thing only it was an adult friendship that lasted about 3 1/2 years. He flirted with me and would let me hold his hand and sit on his lap, but when I told him I had feelings, he was like "I don't want to do anything that would ruin our friendship. I need a friend right now. I don't know what I want." Bullshit. He sure didn't have a problem knowing what he wanted from other women. Why didn't he just tell me I wasn't pretty enough for him. That would have felt a whole lot better actually

I've been through this before, most recently during my freshman year in college (1995-96). A girl who lived in my dorm was acting in a way that suggested she was interested in me. In fact, other people basically told me, "She's obviously dropping you a hint... what are you waiting for?"

So I tried, and I remember her exact words:

"I'm not interested in a relationship."

Ouch. That hurt. Bad.

For the next week or so, I made every effort to avoid seeing her, because I didn't want to face her. Because she'd gotten a job working in my dorm's dining halls, I even started going to other dorms to eat, just so I wouldn't run into her.

But that only lasted about a week. I knew I couldn't spend the rest of the year like that. And the next time we made contact, she made it clear that was, in fact, interested in a friendship. Again, I remember her exact words:

"I think you're a cool guy."

So we became friends, and I was fine with that. But during the next summer, she once again started engaging in behavior that, in my mind, crossed the line beyond friendship. And I took the bait.

Shortly thereafter, we were talking one night as I was driving her home from a cafe where we'd hang out and talk, and once again, I remember her exact words:

"We're just friends, right?"

My initial answer was yes. But the next day, I worked up the courage to call her. Now, I can't remember exactly what I said that time, but it was something like this:

"Remember when you asked me last night whether we were just friends, and I said yes? Well, that's not what I was thinking, and I'm sorry. I just don't know what we are. I mean, I'm happy to be your friend--I can deal with that--but when you kiss me or otherwise act in an intimate manner with me, what am I supposed to think? I can't deal with this."

I don't remember all of what she said, but I do remember her acknowledging that she might have acted inappropriately with me, and she suggested that maybe we shouldn't just see each other at all.

I didn't hear from her for a few months... for whatever reason, she cancelled her registration and dropped out of the university. Then one day, she called me out of the blue... she had called my mother, who gave her my new dorm phone number. And we had a nice, yet slightly awkward conversation, strictly as friends.

We talked a few more times after that. and then she just left town without telling me. That was the last I heard of her.

---

In hindsight, I don't think it was the rejection that hurt me so much. Rather, I felt as if I was being jerked around. I was happy to be either her friend or something more, but we needed to pick one or the other and stay within those bounds.

---

Anyway, Sav, I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out as you'd hoped. I wish you the best and hope something good is in your future.

On a related note, I have a question for the females here:

When you tell a guy, "Let's just be friends," are you really interested in a friendship, or are you just trying to soften the rejection as much as possible?

matt said:

I would not know it is always guys telling me that

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

I didn't know guys were using that line too...

matt said:

yes

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

then they don't deserve you...

INSATIABLE said:

You are probably right

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

I wish I had comforting words, but I'm not very good with that sort of thing.

You're a beautiful, kind, and incredibly talented person... when you find the right guy, I think you'll make him very happy.

matt said:

I hope so

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

Jess althom

althom said:

Althom Jess

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

Same hear. I get that from guys. I never tell guys that