"...if I ever get u in the bed, I'm gonna work that body so hard u wish all u had was an aching head!"

Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard

when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window.

Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times.

After no one answered for a few minutes,

he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere,

a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man

wearing a turban sitting on the couch.

Dylan asked, "Who are you?"

The fat man replied,

"I am a genie you have freed from that lamp."

Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?"

The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident

you only get two and I get one."

Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted,

"I want to be the best golfer ever."

The surprised genie said,

"You sure? Most people wish for money, but okay.

Now your wife gets one wish."

Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away,

"I want a million dollars every week of my life."

The genie said, "Granted. And now for my wish,

I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years

so its been a while since I've been with a woman.

I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan."

Dylan said, "No way!"

The genie replied, "Not even for a million dollars a week?"

Dylan turned to his wife, who said,

"I guess for all that, I should.

Well, not until Dylan leaves."

Dylan said, "Okay, have fun, I guess," and left.

Dylan's wife then proceeded to have wild sex

for the rest of the day with the genie.

When they were finished,

the genie asked how old her husband was.

She said, "Forty-five."

The Genie laughed and said,

"Isn't he a little old to be believing in genies?"

An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time,

and in the center of the tomb there’s a lamp.

He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt off of it,

a genie comes out of the lamp and says,

“I want to know the person you hate the most.”

The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?”

“I am a cursed genie.

I will grant you three wishes,

but whatever you wish for,

your ex-wife will get double that amount.”

“Okay, I wish for a billion dollars.”

“Granted, but you ex-wife gets two billion dollars.”

“I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool,

and tennis courts, everything.”

“Granted, and your ex-wife gets two."

"Now make your final wish.”

The explorer walks around for a few minutes,

returns to the genie with a stick, and says,

“You see this stick? I’d like you to beat me half to death.”

Bob goes to see his friend Pete.

He finds Pete in his barn

dancing naked around his John Deere.

"What are you doing!" asks Bob.

Pete stops dancing & says,

"My wife has been ignoring me lately

so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said

I needed to do some thing sexy to a tractor."

An old man goes into the Social Security Office

and fills out an application.

Too old to have a birth certificate,

he is asked to prove he is old enough.

He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair

on his chest and they accept that as proof.

He goes home to his wife,

shows her the check, and

explains to her what has happened.

She replies,

"Well get back down there,

pull down your pants, and

see if you can get disability!"

Happy Friday!