A few months after his parents were divorced,

little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and

saw her rubbing her body and moaning,

"I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months,

he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.

When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes,

threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself,

and moaning,

"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Little Sally came home from school

with a smile on her face, and told her mother,

"Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern,

Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked,

"Really small, was it?"

Sally replied,

"No, salty."

Mom fainted.

A man was having premature ejaculation problems

so he went to the doctor. The doctor said,

"When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol

and ran home to his wife.

That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position.

The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went.

The man answered,

"Not well. When I fired the pistol,

my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis,

and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

"KingBAD… do you like 'environmental' records?"

"...shut up already... Damn!!!"

KingBAD said: