Hell yes!!

Yes.....and if the offense is really serious, I'll cut that person out of my life forever. They become dead to me. Life is too short to have to deal with someone else's bullshit.

i just cut people out of my life

other than that... i can be very forgiving

we all mess up

but if it's severe or a pattern etc... we're done... then i just move on, free of the bullshit

I had an epiphany quite a few years ago when it came to grudges.

I believe people hold grudges because they feel like their cards were played for them; someone one-upped them. It's like going to a casino, having a decent amount of money on your bet, then someone comes up and flips your hand and you lose the money. The dealer says, "Sorry, but I can't un-deal the cards". The person who flipped the cards did the deed, but you never got a chance to make changes yourself. Someone did it for you.

We feel like our chance at vindication, revenge, or whatever was taken from us, and we never get a second chance to do it right. So we hold onto that, just wishing we could make it right. But we can't. That's a grudge.

There's a saying that came from somewhere, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the details of the past will ever be any different". That's deep. It's a nicer way of saying, "Just get over it, you can't change it". We hold on so dearly to the past, just hoping if we hold it hard enough, that it'll change. It never, ever goes. We have to give up that hope, that desire that we can change it or will it differently. It's a grudge and letting go, forgiving whoever, frees us. Forgiving isn't saying, "it's okay, don't worry about it". It's just letting loose of the grudge.

Not to say it's just that easy. It's a goal. Feeling slighted smarts, it hurts, and it digs at us. But it only has to for so long as we let it. Have the pity party, the cry, or whatever but keep it short. Too much living to do to be holdin' onto a buncha bullshit that, in a week's time, you won't much remember anyway.

Until one of us is dead.

S2DG said:

TrivialPursuit said:

MoBettaBliss said:

purplethunder3121 said:

PennyPurple said:

ThisOne said:

MoBettaBliss said:

i just cut people out of my life

other than that... i can be very forgiving

we all mess up

but if it's severe or a pattern etc... we're done... then i just move on, free of the bullshit

What about family? I feel it’s hard to be like that with family because of all the get togethers.....

yep... family too

I do, but only against people who really, really deserve it. I think there are things in life you just can't shrugg off and if the people involved don't see their faults, or how badly they treated you and don't apologize and think you can just move on and keep seeing them as if nothing happened....like, no it doesn't work this way. But I'm also trying not to hold grudges anymore cause I know they only hurt yourself and not really the people you hold grudges against.

My uncle is like that, I get that he had to go through some hard shit, he probably had one of the hardest lives I've ever heard of and I get it, he's mad, cause there's things that aren't solved for good. But I also see what his life looks like because of it, he's so bitter and you can sense that. He also got some anger issues because of it. He rather holds grudges instead of getting to see a therapist. And I don't want to end like him, as much as I love him, I don't want to lead a similar life.

S2DG said:

Until one of us is dead.

No.

ThisOne said:

PennyPurple said:

Hell yes!!

Have you ever let it go just to keep the peace????

Yes and it kept the peace for 14 years, after my dad died the mental abuse from my step mom started again, and it's still going...... She physically and mentally abused me since I was a girl, at the age of 16 I walked away, until 14 years ago when my grandmother got sick and died. I finally started coming around my dad again. At least his last few years on this earth I had a semi decent relationship with him. NOW everything I take to the cemetary for my dad, my step mom takes and throws it away and there is no relationship between us. She said she owns those plots and they are her property and she will do what she wants.

Of course I still hold a grudge against my dad too, for allowing her to treat his kids the way that she did, and he did nothing to stop it.

PennyPurple said:

ThisOne said:

PennyPurple said: Have you ever let it go just to keep the peace????

Yes and it kept the peace for 14 years, after my dad died the mental abuse from my step mom started again, and it's still going...... She physically and mentally abused me since I was a girl, at the age of 16 I walked away, until 14 years ago when my grandmother got sick and died. I finally started coming around my dad again. At least his last few years on this earth I had a semi decent relationship with him. NOW everything I take to the cemetary for my dad, my step mom takes and throws it away and there is no relationship between us. She said she owns those plots and they are her property and she will do what she wants.

Of course I still hold a grudge against my dad too, for allowing her to treat his kids the way that she did, and he did nothing to stop it.

and you have every right to feel the way you do.

I try not to, but sh*tty behaviour is usually a solid indicator of the sort of person someone is ... and most people don't change.

So perhaps not a grudge per se, but I certainly remember when someone behaved abhorently and if I still choose to interact with said person I treat them accordingly.

These things will get you on the list.

• Use/play me or anybody for that matter.

• Actions don't match words

• Liars (habitual or otherwise)

• Abusive in any form

Family have been some of the worst offenders.

I'll cut you out of my life in a minute, DNA doesn't mean I have to take your shit or get guilted into anything. Be a better person if you want a relationship.

For those annoying fam that I have to deal with but would never spend time with by choice, I just show my super power of silence for the short amount of time I have to deal with them.

I recently learned about forgiveness and but that's just for me. I forgive people and family close to me that have done terrible things because it's good for me to let it go. Forever.

For everybody else...I don't forget SHIT!

Clearly serious with my original post.

I try not to and think about things from their point of view, how they feel about things I.e. their side of the story and mindset/disabilities during occurence etc. I am forgiving in a way that idk...I forgive but still hold things against people so I guess I half forgive. I don't hold hate in my heart anymore. I had to stop, the hate was overwhelming and is just wasted energy and bad for your soul.

I'll tell you a story: in 2014 my mom began dating this guy (who incidently just randomly showed up at the door...yes Mom is impulsive stupidly sometimes). It was good for like half a year. He started accusing her of cheating, blowing my neighbor all the time...all the while he was looking at hook up sites for men and women.

Soon enough he started abusing her physically and mentally. This happened for 4-5 years. Then he told my mom that he thought I was hot and wanted me too (lol, I'm a man). It was then that he came out as bi-sexual and let up on the beatings for a week or two. A couple of stints in jail or four, he made the beatings worse.

He would disrespect my mom's boundaries and rules and would let his friends and family stay at the apartment we had. I hardly stayed there after the motherfucker put me in chokehold (didn't leg go when I tapped and HIS dog started biting him whist mom was calling the police and hitting him.). After a while his family and friends left and moved out of my old room. When I came back and went in there it was a damn mess! There were needle/syringe caps all over the floor and bed. Toilet paper, shit like that. Plus my mom's jewelry was stolen. He beat her senseless after she got on to him.

As years went by it turns out he let guys and girls come over to do some pure primal activities lol when my mom was in bed. Meanwhile he was still beating mom and accusing her of cheating.

Now this is where things get weird...

I was on facebook and recieved a message/video from him. Content: Girl jacking him off. I immediately knew it was my mother even though her face was hidden. I knew her shirt so I called her and let her know. Mother fucker was scolded like hell, said he must've accidentally sent it to some people (only me as it turns out).

Fast forward after jail time, freetime, back to jail, etc... My childhood friend was being nice and told my mom that I finally went to bed and he wanted me to rest as I had been up for 3 days. Well he said: "Brandon is in bed but if you want to come over and smoke some with me that would be cool!" He meant not to wake me up because he wanted me to rest but didn't have anyone to talk or hang out with. That txt would stir up the devil in my mom's bf.

Bf say the text and assumed it was a cheating/meetup plan and called my friend to come over. He apparently had a gun and was pointing it at my mom's head point blank and was waiting for my friend to come over. He was going to kill both my mom and my friend that day. Apparently he was saying stuff like "you two are going to die together like the lovers you are" and shit like that. Fortunatly my friend didn't come over. My mom being a badass while he was holding a gun to her head apparenty just said: "Are you done? I'm going to bed" and left lol.

I should hate that man but I feel nothing but sorry for him. I just think he doesn't accept who he is (bi-sexual or gay) because of what his family would think plus the drug Spice he was abusing all the time. Anyways what I'm trying to say is even the worst of people should be given some sort of second or even a third look as a person and maybe some limited and controlled conversations or therapy (even non-liscense!!! Not every therapist needs special training. I'm good at giving therapy).

When I found out about this when Mom finally told her psychiatrist I flipped out and that night began hearing voices so he even triggered schizophrenia and major psychosis/delirium for 2 years...still don't hate him.

So no, grudges are bad for your sould and you don't want stuff like that weighing you down. It forms like a black orb in your chakras and you can't be complete or healthy if you hold a grudge.

ALTHOUGH!!! Larry Graham is the closest thing to a grudge I could ever have, borderline hate for him. Therefore he doesn't exist in my head lol. Sorry for the long post but my vyvanse makes me talkative....too talkative ha.

DaveT said:

I try not to, but sh*tty behaviour is usually a solid indicator of the sort of person someone is ... and most people don't change.

So perhaps not a grudge per se, but I certainly remember when someone behaved abhorently and if I still choose to interact with said person I treat them accordingly.

Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". Now, people also deserve other chances, so a good indicator of future behavior is relevant and recent past behavior. You can find someone in their patterns, good or bad, at any time usually. I believe people do change, if they see flaws that need fixing and get tired of losing friends or being alone (ie: blaming others).

I think it's safe to say you are cautious about folks based on their behavior. We all pick our battles and what bullshit we're willing to deal with or not. It's one thing if someone gets drunk and moons another car while I'm driving the person home. It's quite another if they lean out of the car and yell the N-word. One I can work with by not necessarily being their designated driver anymore; the other I just delete from my phone.

All that is in quick succession, opposed to someone really betraying or hurting you and holding a grudge out of anger, etc.

ThatWhiteDude said:

I do, but only against people who really, really deserve it. I think there are things in life you just can't shrugg off and if the people involved don't see their faults, or how badly they treated you and don't apologize and think you can just move on and keep seeing them as if nothing happened....like, no it doesn't work this way. But I'm also trying not to hold grudges anymore cause I know they only hurt yourself and not really the people you hold grudges against.

My uncle is like that, I get that he had to go through some hard shit, he probably had one of the hardest lives I've ever heard of and I get it, he's mad, cause there's things that aren't solved for good. But I also see what his life looks like because of it, he's so bitter and you can sense that. He also got some anger issues because of it. He rather holds grudges instead of getting to see a therapist. And I don't want to end like him, as much as I love him, I don't want to lead a similar life.

I feel for you, but "never say never." I never thought I would see my father again but I'm about to---and relieve my sister while he goes through cancer treatment...and the same time... Deal with the past and my step-mother in her beginning stages of Alzheirmer's... Do what you need to do for your self...and give what is left to those in your family who care about you.

TrivialPursuit said:

DaveT said:

I try not to, but sh*tty behaviour is usually a solid indicator of the sort of person someone is ... and most people don't change.

So perhaps not a grudge per se, but I certainly remember when someone behaved abhorently and if I still choose to interact with said person I treat them accordingly.

Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". Now, people also deserve other chances, so a good indicator of future behavior is relevant and recent past behavior. You can find someone in their patterns, good or bad, at any time usually. I believe people do change, if they see flaws that need fixing and get tired of losing friends or being alone (ie: blaming others).

I think it's safe to say you are cautious about folks based on their behavior. We all pick our battles and what bullshit we're willing to deal with or not. It's one thing if someone gets drunk and moons another car while I'm driving the person home. It's quite another if they lean out of the car and yell the N-word. One I can work with by not necessarily being their designated driver anymore; the other I just delete from my phone.

All that is in quick succession, opposed to someone really betraying or hurting you and holding a grudge out of anger, etc.

I guess it comes down to personal experience and the people you've encountered in your own life.

Personally, the people that have been in my life for a length of time have displayed fairly consistent behaviour throughout, be it good traits of bad traits. Some of the latter ones I've tried giving second, third or tenth chances to and still been disappointed, so I've given up. Might be because I'm older now (nearly 40) and learning that life is too short to waste on those who aren't nice people at heart ... some not deliberately or consciously so, that's just how they are.

purplethunder3121 said:

ThatWhiteDude said:

I do, but only against people who really, really deserve it. I think there are things in life you just can't shrugg off and if the people involved don't see their faults, or how badly they treated you and don't apologize and think you can just move on and keep seeing them as if nothing happened....like, no it doesn't work this way. But I'm also trying not to hold grudges anymore cause I know they only hurt yourself and not really the people you hold grudges against.

My uncle is like that, I get that he had to go through some hard shit, he probably had one of the hardest lives I've ever heard of and I get it, he's mad, cause there's things that aren't solved for good. But I also see what his life looks like because of it, he's so bitter and you can sense that. He also got some anger issues because of it. He rather holds grudges instead of getting to see a therapist. And I don't want to end like him, as much as I love him, I don't want to lead a similar life.

I feel for you, but "never say never." I never thought I would see my father again but I'm about to---and relieve my sister while he goes through cancer treatment...and the same time... Deal with the past and my step-mother in her beginning stages of Alzheirmer's... Do what you need to do for your self...and give what is left to those in your family who care about you.

Thank you

EmmaMcG said:

The short answer is yes. But it depends on the person and what they've done.

I've noticed I don't hold grudges as long as I used to. I was a marathon grudge-holder as a younger person.

I tend to. I usually confront and give it right back to the person as soon as I can, and once I do I move along. Forgiving has never really been my thing but I do want to change. Holding grudges really can eat me up inside.

I'm not sure if this is a grudge or what but if I ever run into that fat fuck Alex Jones, I'm going to tell exactly what a piece of shit he is. What happens next will be up to that fat fuck Alex Jones.

.

[Edited 3/4/19 7:51am]