And that, unfortuantely, is no joke. But these are! It's payday wekend, get your groove on!

***************************************************************

A Millenial sat down for his first job interview at a big company. "What are you thinking in terms of salary and benefits" asked the mid-40's personnel manager.

"I'm thinking maybe a starting salary of $100,000, health insurance, two weeks paid vacation and a company-paid toll tag for my car."

"Hmmm," said the personnel manager, "What about a starting salary of $120,000 with automatic 6-month raises, full health AND dental insurance, three weeks paid vacation, and a company car - say a new Tesla every year?"

"Wow, you must be kidding!" said the Millenial.

"I am, but you started it."

***************************************************************

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball.'

Man: 'That's nice'

Boy: 'Want to buy it?'

Man: 'No, thanks.'

Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'

Man: 'OK, how much?'

Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'

Man: 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'

The lover, remembering the last time , asks the boy, 'How much?'

Boy: '$750'

Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now.'

***************************************************************

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a minute and says "well... alright." So he goes into a room with the chicken and business gets done.

He loved the sex so much that he went to the same brothel the next day. He asks the manager "I'd like to have sex with chicken again." The manager says "Sorry pal, no chickens today, but for 5$, you can watch three guys have sex with a woman.' Joe, thinking about how it was cheap and it would probably be fun to watch, agrees. He enter a room full of people watching and sits next to one of the men. Joe leans over to the man and says "Wow! This is pretty weird." The man replies saying "You think that's weird?! Just yesterday we saw a guy fuck a chicken!"

***************************************************************

Every Friday after work, a man heads to his local bar and gets completely drunk.

***************************************************************

What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.


***************************************************************

AND THE WOMEN REPLY:

What do a paycheck and a cock have in common?

Your wife wishes both were a bit bigger.

The last one is the best Rodeo

As for the kid with the name ABCDE, those parents are fucked and they are to blame for anyone that makes fun of their kid.

Empress said:

The last one is the best Rodeo

As for the kid with the name ABCDE, those parents are fucked and they are to blame for anyone that makes fun of their kid.

LOL, I knew I'd better put that one in or you ladies were going to hate me!

i can't believe someone named their kid "Abcde" and you're right - that's on the parents. Yikes. But guess what? Apparently there are 328 girls named "Abcde" in America (and -0- boys)!

WTF?

.

[Edited 11/30/18 9:39am]

wtf were her parents thinking?????

XxAxX said:

wtf were her parents thinking?????

Nothing, if you name your child Abcde, I assume you're brain dead. But what I find even more interesting it that it's actually possible to name your child after the first five letters of the alphabet. It wouldn't work in germany I think. I came across a list with names that wouldn't work here, I don't remember if Abcde was on it but I'm pretty sure they'd put it on the list if some Einstein tried to give their child that "name".

ThatWhiteDude said:

XxAxX said:

wtf were her parents thinking?????

Nothing, if you name your child Abcde, I assume you're brain dead. But what I find even more interesting it that it's actually possible to name your child after the first five letters of the alphabet. It wouldn't work in germany I think. I came across a list with names that wouldn't work here, I don't remember if Abcde was on it but I'm pretty sure they'd put it on the list if some Einstein tried to give their child that "name".

and this is my son, 1234

XxAxX said:

RodeoSchro said:

A Millenial sat down for his first job interview at a big company. "What are you thinking in terms of salary and benefits" asked the mid-40's personnel manager.

"I'm thinking maybe a starting salary of $100,000, health insurance, two weeks paid vacation and a company-paid toll tag for my car."

"Hmmm," said the personnel manager, "What about a starting salary of $120,000 with automatic 6-month raises, full health AND dental insurance, three weeks paid vacation, and a company car - say a new Tesla every year?"

"Wow, you must be kidding!" said the Millenial.

"I am, but you started it."

just two weeks paid vacation? and this is listed as a bonus?? gosh, you'd have to adapt this joke for any other nation beside the USA.

everything less than 4 weeks paid vacation, guranteed and enforced by laws, is 19 century type exploitation. and health insurance included goes without saying, but we knew that

unreal
you poor guys are really stuck in the middle ages in so many essential branches

https://en.wikipedia.org/...by_country

[Edited 12/3/18 4:35am]

Abcde Fghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz is a friend of mine.

purplethunder3121 said:

He's wearing his "Habib" shirt! :

yeah this one is funny but the pronunciation of the name is cool

Abb sa dee

Ab sa de

I like the OG pronunciation better:

BombSquad said:

RodeoSchro said:

A Millenial sat down for his first job interview at a big company. "What are you thinking in terms of salary and benefits" asked the mid-40's personnel manager.

"I'm thinking maybe a starting salary of $100,000, health insurance, two weeks paid vacation and a company-paid toll tag for my car."

"Hmmm," said the personnel manager, "What about a starting salary of $120,000 with automatic 6-month raises, full health AND dental insurance, three weeks paid vacation, and a company car - say a new Tesla every year?"

"Wow, you must be kidding!" said the Millenial.

"I am, but you started it."

just two weeks paid vacation? and this is listed as a bonus?? gosh, you'd have to adapt this joke for any other nation beside the USA.

everything less than 4 weeks paid vacation, guranteed and enforced by laws, is 19 century type exploitation. and health insurance included goes without saying, but we knew that

unreal
you poor guys are really stuck in the middle ages in so many essential branches

https://en.wikipedia.org/...by_country

[Edited 12/3/18 4:35am]

damn... i had no idea it was like that for them... i know about the ridiculous health system but no mandatory paid leave?

that's what you get when a twisted take on freedom is in play... that, and lots of guns

and anyone who mocks it risks consequences... from what I understand the person was not fired... and I would say should not be.

RodeoSchro said:

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a minute and says "well... alright." So he goes into a room with the chicken and business gets done.

He loved the sex so much that he went to the same brothel the next day. He asks the manager "I'd like to have sex with chicken again." The manager says "Sorry pal, no chickens today, but for 5$, you can watch three guys have sex with a woman.' Joe, thinking about how it was cheap and it would probably be fun to watch, agrees. He enter a room full of people watching and sits next to one of the men. Joe leans over to the man and says "Wow! This is pretty weird." The man replies saying "You think that's weird?! Just yesterday we saw a guy fuck a chicken!"